A Touch of the Past
by Kira Dattei
Summary: "Even the right choices have consequences," Kaidan's father had said after he'd taken his first life. Kaidan listened and always considers if the consequences can be handled. An outside force brings forward consequences of what Kaidan's done and he must again face choices made years ago. MShenko established romance.
1. Admiral's Call

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 1/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Kaidan's experience is pulled forward...  
 **A/N:** Plot bunnies strike when playing through the trilogy after not touching it for a while. Also, my usual genre of writing is fantasy so I'm somewhat outside my comfort zone here. Details are gleaned from a combination of information provided in the codex and whatever my brain decided to fill in the blanks with, which will be most prevalent when discussing hardware of Kaidan's biotics. Also, I am only ignoring that Kaidan couldn't be romanced as Male Shepard in the first game so they did get together before Ilos and were together until Shepard's death. Shepard is mostly Paragon for the sake of the story.  
This fic is finished and one chapter will be posted weekly.

 **Chapter 1: Admiral's Call**

Kaidan sat heavily onto one of the couches set up in the Starboard Observation Lounge as he rubbed his fingers against his temple, trying to alleviate the building headache. He had certainly found his niche today and had worked his way through near two hundred reports, sorting them into some semblance of order so that they could be sent to whoever would benefit most from the information along with his own notes of findings related to each report. Most were going to Admiral Hackett, some would be sent to Anderson as Kaidan did his part in continuing to command his Spec Ops Biotic Division from his place on the Normandy, and more still would be sent to the Council. There were other miscellaneous recipients that he was tracking carefully, but those were the majority and that was where most of his attention was.

He also wasn't anywhere close to being done as he still hadn't quite caught up with the data he'd pulled from Eden Prime and Mahavid.

But now that his light sensitivity was forcing him to take a break, he was curious as to how much of the day he had dedicated to this. Pulling up his omnitool with a restrained wince, he realized that he had worked for nearly ten hours straight on this.

He hadn't done that since his days as an Intel Officer.

How the hell was his headache not worse?

How had his biotic appetite not demanded him to take a break sooner?

How had he not heard from Shepard all day? The Commander had made a habit of making sure he saw and talked with Kaidan at least once each day so what had happened today that kept him from interrupting the work spree?

Well, Kaidan could wonder about all these things that had gone by the wayside so that he could get in that much work or he could actually leave the Starboard Observation Lounge and prove that he was still breathing. He knew that they were on the way to the Citadel and so held no concern over getting ready for any mission. He had even already reviewed all the requisition orders from Cortez and had submitted them to be prepared for delivery when they landed.

Shaking his head at his own somewhat disjoined thought process – his mind got weird after working for as long as he had – he stood again and took a moment to organize his piles of datapads and powered down his holo-screen before leaving and heading toward the mess hall. First priority would be food or he wouldn't be on his feet for much longer.

Useful as his biotics were most of the time, the metabolism that came along with it could be just as damn inconvenient.

The mess hall was empty once he got there and he dedicated less than a minute of searching for something remotely interesting to eat before settling on grabbing a few protein bars. Yet another reason to not skip out on eating was his tendency to lose his appetite if he went too long without food. Tearing away the wrapper to one, he sat down at a table and pulled up his omnitool again as he munched away leisurely. He had dozens of emails – updates from his students, follow-ups from previously sent reports, messages from Hackett and Anderson providing details on the war efforts on Earth that were forwarded to both Kaidan and Shepard, messages from the Council of Spectre-related issues and missions – and he could do nothing but start to sort through them so he didn't fall too far behind.

As much work as Shepard indisputably had, Kaidan was a close second. They even had nights of just sitting next to each other in Shepard's bed completing their own work in companionable silence to prove it.

But that's what being the Commander and second-in-command of the ship at the front of the fight against the Reapers meant and Kaidan was hardly complaining.

Finishing off one of the protein bars and deciding he would just take the other one with him to the crew's quarters so he could see about catching some sleep – the headache wasn't fading quickly and Kaidan was experienced enough to know if he ignored it any longer he would be dealing with a migraine – he stood and tossed the empty wrapper and stuffed the other protein bar into his pocket so he could eat it later and made his way to his quarters.

"Major Alenko?" EDI's voice called to him from one of the nearby speakers as he turned the corner towards the crews' quarters.

"What is it, EDI?" he responded automatically.

"Admiral Hackett is requesting to speak with you on vid comm."

Kaidan looked up at the speaker and raised an eyebrow. While it wasn't the first time Hackett had asked for him instead of Shepard it was still rare enough that it was unexpected. The Admiral usually just sent him any relevant messages or passed information through Shepard when he talked to the Commander when he made his reports. But even then, Hackett was still the one who had most often been considered Kaidan's commanding officer aside from Anderson since Kaidan had returned to Earth after Horizon.

"Did he say what it was about?" Kaidan asked as he altered his path towards the elevator.

"No, Major."

"I'll be there in a minute." He activated the elevator and leaned against the wall as the lift began to ascend in its smooth but slow manner, his mind working to try and bring some sense to Hackett's sudden contact.

As the elevator eased to a stop and the doors slid open, Kaidan shook his head at his own insistence on _knowing_ instead of just waiting the few moments before he would learn anyway. While it made him a great Intel officer and tactician, it had a tendency of getting frustrating in daily life, especially when he had already put in a full day's worth of work.

Passing through the scanner with just a short nod to the security officers, he moved past the war room and toward the comm room, quickly determining the link to Hackett and activating it before moving to the center of the room to face the holo display of the Admiral. He snapped a quick salute out of habit which the Admiral returned.

"Major, it's good to see you again," he began, his voice holding its normal authoritative tone but Kaidan had been around the man enough to pick up the hints of genuine emotion with his words. After all, Kaidan was serving on the Normandy and it was as much on the front lines as one could get and so there was always the chance that he wouldn't survive the next mission they undertook.

"You as well, Admiral," he responded. Superior officer or not, Kaidan deeply respected this man and did not hesitate in relaying his own recognition of the battles going on everywhere that Hackett could always be drawn into because the man was a good soldier above everything else. "I am surprised that you asked to speak to me though, sir."

"This was important and I thought you should know about it as soon as possible."

Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at the serious manner of the Admiral's voice. "Should Shepard be here?"

"No, this isn't official business for the Normandy to be concerned with. The information that I have is for you and for you to decide what to do with it."

"Yes, sir." Kaidan's confusion and growing anxiety made him settle further into his soldier mannerisms.

"There was a breach of security originating on Earth a few weeks ago. Because of the disarray of security with the Reapers' assault, we didn't even know about it until about a week ago. Whoever it was, they knew what they were looking for, where to find it, and how to take it without tripping the security measures attached to the files."

Kaidan's experience as an Intel officer gave him a deep understanding of how much security was set around the more classified files. Hackett hadn't said anything about how classified the files of interest were but his implications were strong enough to tell Kaidan that even he wouldn't be of high enough rank to be granted access.

"Those files aren't written to be copied. Most have a final security code that will corrupt the data irreversibly if it isn't deactivated and those codes aren't stored anywhere."

"As I said, they knew what they were doing, and these files were highly classified. They did try to cover their tracks and did a fairly good job except the code that they used belonged to an officer serving on the other side of the planet when the breach occurred. If that Fleet Admiral hadn't been fighting against the Reapers he would have been on base and we wouldn't have had cause to question the access of the file."

Kaidan decided to take a chance on his press for information and asked bluntly, "It's not the kind of file that I would be allowed access to, is it?"

Hackett actually grinned at Kaidan's question. "Never fail to pick up on what you need to for getting information do you?"

Kaidan realized quickly that Hackett had given his answer with that response. "If that's the case, then why the need to inform me about the stolen file? I don't really have the best resources here to do anything about it. The files being stolen doesn't even change my level of access to them. And it couldn't be a report that I have filed since none as of yet have been given such a high level of classification." Kaidan was good at what he did, so he knew enough about the system to know where all his reports went once they were turned in and he wouldn't be cut off from them.

"As I said, this has nothing to do with your place on the Normandy or even with the fight against the Reapers. I'm not asking you to track down the culprit either. I'm telling you about this because of the content of the file. Once I was alerted of what information was taken, I decided to inform you of the theft. You do have a reputation for finding answers where there isn't much to pull from." Hackett paused to take in a deep breath and he ran his hand through his short hair quickly as he appeared to collect his thoughts and Kaidan remained silent to let him do so. "I had never read the files until I heard someone had accessed them. Even when you were being considered for assignment to the Normandy, I didn't actually look at them because they didn't seem to be an accurate portrayal of what we could expect from your performance."

Kaidan's breath hitched in understanding. Hackett could only be talking about one thing. "BAaT…" he said quietly, though not so quiet as to not have been heard by Hackett.

The man nodded in confirmation. "Yes, the investigation files from Jump Zero and the incident at BAaT were the ones accessed. There were a few others taken, but they were all connected back to reports and investigations of the facility and Conatix. We don't know why someone would be interested in that facility or what happened to close it down, but they were and they went straight for those files when they hacked our system."

"There's no reason for anybody to go after those files. BAaT wasn't exactly a secret; anybody affiliated with an identified biotic knew about it." Because in those early years of emerging human biotics, parents were desperate to get their children "help" and what easier way than to make the training facility known so they could be the ones to report the biotic.

"BAaT may have been known by many, but what happened that led to the program being shut down with Conatix soon to follow has always been highly classified because of the Alliance's connection to the facility. We may have not really known what was going on there but that doesn't dismiss our support and insistence on sending more kids there."

Kaidan knew that not many people outside of the students were made aware of his role in causing the facility and company to be shut down, but apparently it had never really struck him of how few did actually know those details. That place and the event therein were such an integral part of who he was as a man and a biotic that it just didn't occur to him that the majority of people who knew something about how he was raised into being a biotic were with him on the Normandy. And Shepard was the only one who he had actually told the whole story to. Liara, Garrus, and Tali knew bits and pieces but not what he had done.

"So what would anyone have to gain from those files? It's just an investigation of a biotic kid killing his Turian instructor."

It really did say how familiar Hackett was with Kaidan that he didn't appear to think that the biotic was degrading the situation at hand, merely pointing out that to anyone who wasn't that kid, it wasn't that impactful of an event.

"I'm not sure what they were after or what intentions they could have in using the information. But anytime someone puts this much effort in getting a file, they intend to do something with it. I'm telling you because you are that file. Yes, there was more involved with that investigation but it all comes back to what happened with you and Vyrrnus."

Kaidan couldn't find words to form a response. He did appreciate that Hackett had even thought to tell him about the theft but at the same time he wondered what him knowing could possibly do for the situation. Hackett was right in that nobody was this careful and focused in a theft without there being some sort of endgame in mind. The intel was going to be used in some manner but Kaidan couldn't imagine what someone _could_ do with information of this nature.

"I'm sending you the files," Hackett's words pulled Kaidan from his thoughts and he focused on the Admiral fully once more. "You will have full access to all connected records."

"Why?"

"As I said, you have a knack for figuring things out and we need to figure this out." The man paused and his expression took on a somber edge. "I know you have never seen those reports and so you don't know everything that went into them besides what you reported. But you are also the only one who was actually there and that gives you a point of view no one can replicate. Maybe experienced eyes can tell us what we need to know about what is really in this report that may be of interest."

"You're sending me the full report? Nothing will be redacted?"

"These will be the original, full files and also are exactly what was taken. Not everything that I am giving you access to was taken and I will indicate which ones were, but I want you to have every chance I can give you to find something we missed."

Kaidan shook his head minutely to gather himself and straightened his posture. "I'll do what I can, sir."

"Alenko, I am not officially putting you on this investigation so communicate any findings to me personally. I will, of course, inform you if we find anything." Within the Alliance, Kaidan couldn't be assigned to the investigation because of the conflict of interest, but as a Spectre he could cut through those corners if needed. They didn't care as much about that sort of thing as long as you got the job done.

"Yes, sir." Kaidan responded, his posture straightening even more at the commanding tone of the one who was his most consistent superior officer.

Hackett nodded shortly before declaring "Hackett out," and the room darkened with the disconnection of the vid comm and Kaidan turned toward one of the consoles and leaned over to rest his weight on it.

His mind was racing. He hadn't had BAaT thrown in his face like this for years. If it ever came up, it was dismissed just as quickly for him as he moved forward with his life. It was somewhat irritating that there was now something really throwing what he had done back in his face with the added uncertainty of why it was being done in the first place.

His omnitool let out a small sound, notifying him of the receipt of a message. He didn't bother looking though, knowing it would be the files from Hackett and he honestly didn't want to deal with reading through the files tonight. He was tired, his brain was already well-worked, his headache was continuing to climb in severity, and there was always the possibility that tomorrow would bring another mission where he would need to be at his best or he wouldn't survive. He needed sleep before facing this.

Except he was now pretty damn sure he wouldn't be able to shut his mind up enough to go to sleep with anything approaching ease.

Maybe Shepard wouldn't mind him going up and spending the night; he always slept so much better when he was with Shepard.

No, he hadn't talked to Shepard all day and while he spent more nights up in Shepard's cabin than he did in the crew's quarters or the Starboard Observation Room – he slept there sometimes for the silence – he didn't really feel like intruding suddenly like this. Shepard may already be asleep and Kaidan just showing up would get him curious and he would ask him what was wrong and Kaidan wasn't sure he could put to words what he was feeling right now. He probably wouldn't be able to either until he looked over the reports and let his emotions process what he read. There was just too much shock and confusion in him to move forward just yet. He wouldn't pull Shepard into the chaos that was currently his mind.

But he wasn't too keen on going back to the crew's quarters either now that he was so unsettled. While his bunk was actually well segregated from the rest of the bunks – courtesy of others wanting to show him some respect for his high rank even without him asking or really caring about it – it was still close to being around plenty of other people and there was no way he would be able to fall asleep if he didn't really feel safe as he tended to while in the crew's quarters.

He was on the elevator on his way back down to Deck 3 when he thought of how much privacy he managed to find while in the Starboard Observation Lounge. People had long ago came to pretty much expect him to be in there if he wasn't taking care of some official business or briefing before or following a mission. After all, the gentle lighting and soundproofing made it an ideal atmosphere for someone who was light and sound sensitive. The rest of the crew were well aware of that and even though they didn't outright avoid going in the room, Kaidan felt that it wasn't the first place people considered going to when they had some free time because he was very likely to be there.

At the same time, it meant that him being there would not be out of the ordinary; that he had slept in there before would help it not concern anybody. It actually wasn't really unusual for any of Normandy's crew to just bunk down wherever they could sometimes when things were in motion.

Stepping off the elevator, he turned left and moved back to the room he had spent the entire day within. He walked into the room and immediately had the thought that this was his best option. He moved over to one of the couches and sat down heavily before repositioning to lay down, his arm moving to drape over his eyes to block out the little bit of lighting in the room.

He drifted off about an hour later to the circling thought of _why_?

 **A/N:** Hope this first chapter was enjoyed. Feedback is welcome and see you next time.  
 **Kira Dattei**


	2. Familiar Touch

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 2/18  
 **Chaper Summary:** Morning comes for Shepard and Kaidan...

 **Chapter 2: Familiar Touch**

With a short yawn as he scratched at the back of his neck, Shepard stepped off of the elevator and turned toward the mess hall in pursuit of coffee. He had a day ahead of finishing up his reports on Leviathan and getting those off before he started going through any newly received data on what to do next in the war effort against the Reapers. He had started looking through them yesterday as a way to break up the reports to the Council, Hackett, and Anderson – he didn't have the same focus on the paperwork side of things as his lover did – and there were a few things of interest that he would explore deeper when he got back on track.

Honestly, he probably would have gotten more done if he'd had Kaidan around last night. Not that he couldn't get work done when Kaidan wasn't – he wasn't needy like that – but the biotic had this great influence on him keeping his focus if they were both working while sharing company. It was why they worked together so well actually, since their limits complimented each other so well: Kaidan's focus was contagious and Shepard bouncing ideas off of Kaidan kept the man from getting too lost in what he was doing.

Kaidan knew his limits well but he had this tendency to push way past them whenever there wasn't a reason to stop himself. Battle with his biotics was the bigger concern with this and Shepard was getting really good at picking up on the subtle tells Kaidan had that he was pushing himself too hard, ergo into a migraine. While Shepard respected that Kaidan was so headstrong about taking care of himself when his implant acted up to the point of basically incapacitating him with pain, he wished Kaidan would let him take care of him. That's why they were together, so they could support each other and Shepard was starting to feel like he was really falling by the wayside in supporting the man he loved.

It didn't help that Kaidan was apparently born with this amazing talent of taking care of others so that they didn't actually realize they were being taken care of.

He hadn't been classified as a Sentinel when they first met for nothing.

But Shepard didn't hold it against Kaidan for his independent habits: Kaidan had lived more years taking care of himself than having someone there wanting to help him when his implants flared up. Actually, he loved him all the more for the strength it took for his lover to deal with the chronic pain.

"Hey Shepard," Garrus' voice called out to him as he walked into the mess and over to the coffee machines, making his selection as he leaned against the counter.

"Morning," he muttered back. He was nowhere near awake enough for much civility; Garrus knew he wasn't a morning person at all and so usually reserved his best teasing for such times, making Shepard even more cautious of the even greeting he had received from the Turian.

Garrus' mandibles shifted in that way that told Shepard he was grinning. "You and Kaidan good?"

That was a weird place to start a conversation, even one with Garrus.

Shepard's brows furrowed as he tried to figure out why Garrus would ask, going over his interactions with Kaidan over the past few days. They had been caught up in the investigation and pursuit of Leviathan for over a week and while Shepard going solo to meet with Leviathan had not pleased Kaidan, they had talked it over briefly enough that Shepard knew they were fine. He hadn't seen Kaidan at all the previous day, caught up in his work and every time he had emerged enough to have the thought of spending a few minutes with his lover a quick check with EDI revealed that Kaidan was deeply engrossed in his own work. Usually that wouldn't deter Shepard – actually it would be even more reason to go offer some distraction – but each time EDI thought it was pertinent to tell him just how many screens Kaidan had active at the time and that had dissuaded Shepard from actually going through with interrupting him.

While Kaidan was usually fine with an interruption from Shepard, if he was really deep in his thought process then he tended to get a little short-tempered with whoever made him break his flow.

And he had already had to deter irritation once from his lover. Again, the whole Leviathan thing.

But Shepard also wondered if EDI had been messing with him, conducting some social experiment on when he would stop listening to her and go see Kaidan regardless of how much work he was engaged with. It wouldn't be the first time she used the crew to solve her own curiosity and while he normally didn't have a problem with it as she wouldn't hurt any of the crew, he wouldn't be so happy to know she was purposefully keeping him apart from his lover.

Pulling himself from his thoughts he focused on Garrus again. "Yeah we're good. Why?"

"So him sleeping in the Starboard Lounge is good for you guys? I thought you humans considered something like that to be and indicator of something wrong with the partnership."

Shepard felt his body release tension; apparently just the thought of there being something wrong between him and Kaidan was enough to get him worked up. "Yeah, if the other sent them there. We were both caught up in work all day yesterday and didn't even see each other for there to be a fight."

"I'm sure if you put your mind to it, you would find a way to mess things up with him without actually seeing him. After all, you do have a unique talent for making the difficult seem easy and the impossible happen."

Shepard turned away from the still grinning Turian and grabbed his filled cup of coffee. "If I didn't know better, I would think that was an encouragement to find a way to get in a fight with Kaidan. Please don't tell me you want a shot at one of us." Shepard managed to suppress the thought of anyone else – especially someone close – trying to take Kaidan from him. He'd just barely actually gotten the biotic back, he'd be damned if he let someone else take him away when he could do something about it.

He knew he was overreacting since this was Garrus and he knew his friend well. He'd never been attracted to either one of them.

"Nah, I don't think I would survive the kind of crazy you tend to put out."

"And Kaidan?" Shepard pressed, noticing at once that Garrus had only addressed him in his denial though it was probably just to continue to get a rise out of him. Garrus indeed knew him well, knew that Shepard's only real weakness to be exploited was Kaidan.

"Well, he does have quite a bit more to offer me."

Shepard couldn't keep from rolling his eyes at his friend and Garrus chuckled deeply as he appeared to accept that he wasn't going to get much more out of Shepard when he knew the Turian wasn't being serious. Sure, he could be a jealous guy but only when there was something to actually be jealous about.

"Is he still in the lounge?" Shepard asked instead of letting Garrus find some other way to tease him.

"He's probably still asleep in there. I only went in there a little while ago and told everybody else that was up to steer clear."

"Thanks, Garrus. He tends to fall asleep in there when he doesn't take a break from his work. Lighting is nicer on his headaches."

"Couldn't even give me the satisfaction of not having any idea as to why he spent the night in there instead of in either of your beds?"

Shepard grasped Garrus' shoulder as he passed him to head toward the Starboard Observation Lounge and his lover. "Of course not. That's what you get for pretending to want to take him for yourself."

"Come on, like he would ever really go for anybody but you!" Garrus called as Shepard left the mess. It was a short trek to where he was to find Kaidan and the door to the lounge slid open with a smooth hiss and Shepard walked in, heading straight for the couch facing the large windows. He walked around and took in the sight of his lover sleeping surprisingly soundly on the couch.

Kaidan was lying on his side facing towards the windows with both arms folded under his head as a makeshift pillow. His casual uniform was slightly wrinkled from moving around his sleep which wasn't surprising as the uniform wasn't that comfortable to sleep in despite how still of a sleeper Kaidan usually was. His hair was also effectively mussed up and Shepard felt his usual attraction at seeing his lover looking anything but clean-cut.

Shepard stepped right up to Kaidan and kneeled down on the floor in front of the biotic's face, taking in the sight of the relaxed lines of Kaidan's face. Shepard didn't deny – not even to Kaidan – that he liked watching his lover sleep. He liked seeing him relaxed. He liked having the freedom to touch Kaidan and have the man relax further as if he always knew that it was his lover's hands on him. Kaidan was so driven as a protector that it wasn't natural at all for him to just relax and allow someone close enough to do anything to take care of him. Shepard was helping him learn though.

His hand reached out and gently rested on Kaidan's cheek, feeling the pricks of hair starting to grow in. Kaidan was warm, as per usual as his biotics made him maintain a slightly higher body temperature. Shepard ran his fingers back to run through the short hair to rest on the man's neck before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Kaidan's in a gentle caress. Kaidan's body shifted slightly and Shepard pulled away slightly as Kaidan's breathing changed enough to indicate that he was waking up from that minimal contact. It usually took just a little bit more but apparently sleeping in the lounge did not equal sleeping with Shepard.

Dark eyes opened slowly and Shepard moved back just enough so Kaidan would be able to clearly see that it was him even though that was probably not necessary. Once Kaidan's eyes focused on Shepard, his lips lifted slightly and he shifted forward toward the heat of Shepard's body and closed his eyes again. Shepard took the hint and pressed his face into Kaidan's neck and took in the comforting scent of his lover.

Everything about Kaidan relaxed Shepard.

"It's been a few weeks since you fell asleep in here," Shepard mused quietly, being right next to Kaidan's ear as he was.

"Really got caught up in it yesterday. Been a few weeks since I've had a full day to focus on intel without having to worry about a mission interrupting." Kaidan's voice was deep and thick with relaxation, adding yet another thing for Shepard to be attracted to in this minute. "Didn't see you."

Shepard tilted his head enough to press a kiss to Kaidan's neck then rubbed his stubble against the skin to exploit one of his lover's more sensitive spots, causing the biotic to turn into him slightly. "Got caught up in my own reports on Leviathan."

Kaidan huffed a chuckle, "Can't tell if you make me feel like I'm an overachiever or if you are just a slacker when it comes to some of these reports."

"Little bit of both," Shepard quipped. Knowing his lover, both Hackett and the Council would have gotten Kaidan's report within 12 hours of returning to the ship. Shepard had pushed the 36 hours mark with his. He silently acknowledged that he had started delaying towards the end of the required time period for submitting reports within 48 hours once Kaidan was back onboard and he knew the biotic put together better reports than he did.

"Don't think you should make a habit of sleeping in here though. Garrus found you first and thought we were having a fight or something."

"Like he's never taken a nap in the MAKO on the SR-1 or in the Main Drive because it's easier than moving to the crew's quarters."

Shepard smiled at Kaidan's somewhat exasperated tone. "Yeah, but he doesn't have my bed as an option." Kaidan's exhalation was more tolerant than amused this time. "And he also figured the next best way to get on my nerves before coffee is to say he's interested in you."

"Don't have enough crazy in me to go for him."

"Funny, that's what he said about me."

Shepard felt Kaidan's body shudder. "I don't think the galaxy would survive you and Garrus together like that. Hell, it hardly survives you as friends." Shepard pulled away as he couldn't suppress the laughter, giving Kaidan one final kiss which was returned and he pulled his hand away as he leaned his weight back onto the balls of his feet to give Kaidan space to move around a little more.

The biotic rolled over onto his back and stretched his arms over his head, his joints letting out relieved cracks. He then sat up and swung his feet over to rest on the floor as he ran his fingers through his hair to try and settle it all back in place. Shepard moved to sit beside his lover and leaned his weight back against the back of the couch as he just watched Kaidan collect himself.

"We have an ETA for getting back to the Citadel?" Kaidan asked.

"Joker hit the mass relay about an hour ago so still a few hours out."

Kaidan's omnitool let out a soft ping and the Major activated the display to check the notification, his eyes squinting briefly at the bright glow. Shepard watched as his lover's face seemed to tighten at whatever it was he saw and his curiosity was peaked.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

Kaidan's dark eyes glanced over to him quickly before deactivating the display and laying his arm back against his leg. "Yeah, it's fine. Just got a few more reports from Hackett that he wants me to look over. Wants me to see if I can find something his other Intel officers are missing."

Shepard lifted an eyebrow at Kaidan's words. "Okay, I know you have a reputation from your days as an Intel officer that you like to live up to even now, but there's got to be someone else he can give this to. You're already sorting through enough to keep a few officers busy."

Kaidan looked over to Shepard with a slightly disbelieving expression. "You've never had an issue with him passing intel to me before. Why this time around?"

Shepard muttered a curse as he ran his hand over his scalp. He hadn't meant to make that sound like he was downplaying Kaidan's capabilities, but apparently it had come out that way. "You know I have the utmost faith in you. I know you can handle a lot, but you slept in here last night."

"It's not like one more is going to incapacitate me. Hackett had a reason for asking me to look through these files and it won't take me very long to get through." Kaidan moved to stand, but Shepard reached out and took hold of the biotic's wrist before he could step away. Kaidan turned back to him and gave him a challenging look.

"Just take some time before you get into it." Shepard wouldn't tell Kaidan not to work. He needed the Major working just as he needed everyone else aboard the Normandy doing their jobs. That and it would have been a ridiculously stupid thing to try. "You know, remind your stomach that food in it is ideal, take a shower to help keep your headache from flaring, the sort of stuff that helps you survive your workaholism."

Kaidan looked between Shepard's slight grin and the hand still holding his wrist. After a few seconds, the biotic let out a breath of a laugh, then turned his hand to take hold of Shepard and he used the grip to pull the Commander to his feet and against Kaidan. Shepard took advantage of the position at once, wrapping both arms around Kaidan's waist to pull him fully against him. He didn't care that anyone could walk into the room and see them like this as everyone on the Normandy knew and didn't care about their relationship. All he cared about was touching Kaidan as he at one time thought he would never be able to again.

Kaidan appeared to be expecting the action, his arms wrapping around Shepard's shoulders. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Shepard's in a firm kiss, which the Commander responded to at once, increasing the pressure and passion in the contact. They remained joined long enough that when they did separate, their breathing was slightly heavier. Shepard then leaned down the slight distance to rest his forehead against Kaidan's.

"I'll take care of it, John," he spoke in a deep voice affected by their display of passion.

Shepard let out a quiet chuckle before allowing Kaidan to pull away and then followed his lover from the room to see that he followed through with at least one of the tasks before the Commander had to return to his own duties.

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading and see you next week!  
Kira Dattei


	3. Oddities

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 3/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Shepard always notices...

 **Chapter 3: Oddities**

After landing on the Citadel and the pair of Spectres making an appearance to the Council for an update on the Reaper situation as well as to Bailey for an update on the Citadel, Kaidan and Shepard joined a majority of their crew at Purgatory for some well-deserved relaxation. Shepard and Kaidan were sitting together, the Commander's arm around the back of the couch behind Kaidan, Liara on Shepard's other side while Tali sat next to Kaidan. Garrus, James, and Steve were sitting in chairs placed around the table between them. Joker and EDI had come with them but had disappeared a while ago after claiming to be getting them refills on their drinks. The Commander was sure he'd seen them get distracted by the dance floor and suspected they would be losing more of the group before recovering anyone.

In fact, he was pretty sure he would be leaving soon with his lover as Kaidan usually didn't last too long before the lights and noise of the bar got to be too uncomfortable for him to continue enjoying himself.

And that was the benefit of being with people who knew Kaidan so well that they held nothing against him. They just understood that he did what he could and enjoyed himself until he couldn't anymore. Kaidan ducking out of festivities was never held against him just as Shepard choosing to leave with his lover was never held against him.

Not to mention it usually kept him from hitting his own point of intoxication where he started doing stupid things, which Garrus claimed to hold against him for the lack of stories to threaten to reveal.

But as the night progressed, Shepard became gradually more aware that something wasn't right with Kaidan. Sure, he had talked with Tali about things that went way over Shepard's head while sober. He had argued with James about the difference between a friendly suggestion and what was an order from the Major – Vega had apparently ignored Kaidan telling him to help Cortez with their supplies and the man had accompanied them to the Council instead. He had even at some point used Shepard's focus on his own conversation against him by conspiring with Garrus about something Shepard would probably find out about when he forgot that it had happened. He'd only known it had even happened because of the grins that were being directed toward him when he turned his attention back to them and they went silent.

But while this was all things that were completely normal for a night of shore leave, there was something just different in Kaidan's tone and body language. He wasn't really as relaxed as he would be while in familiar company, regardless of the public place. There were no signs of pain in his posture though so Shepard dismissed the possibility of the biotic ignoring a rising headache as soon as he really noticed something was off. Nobody had broached any subject that would close him off.

Nothing was pointing Shepard in the direction of an answer and he wouldn't bring it up while they were in public like this.

At least he seemed to be genuinely enjoying himself though, so it couldn't be anything too serious. Shepard would just have to be patient and not let it get to him until he could talk to Kaidan about it.

Too bad his formidable patience seemed to run thin when it came to something wrong with his lover. Even as Kaidan excused himself along with Tali for a quick run for drinks as they all gave up on the others returning, all Shepard could focus on was when he could manage to bring it up without shutting Kaidan down to his questions. Because even though Kaidan was more open and honest with Shepard than anyone else, he could still refuse to talk with his lover if he didn't feel comfortable enough with the topic.

Liara nudged him as soon as the pair was gone and Shepard turned to the Asari with a curious look. "You seem distracted, Shepard," she declared calmly. He glanced over to the other men to see them engaged in some argument that was pretty standard for them before turning back to his friend.

He thought for a few moments, then realized that Liara was probably the best person to help him out here, her being as close to both he and his lover meaning she may have noticed what he had.

"You notice something off with Kaidan?" he answered through the question.

The Asari smiled in her understanding way and looked in the direction the biotic had departed in. "Actually I had. He has seemed distant since we landed at the Citadel. I had assumed he was simply tired. He has put in many long hours over the past few days."

"Maybe, but he usually turns down going out when it's an issue of fatigue. This seems different," he mused, glad for the chance to talk out his thoughts instead of internalizing them all.

"This is true. He is closer to a migraine when tired. Do you recall a time past where he displayed similar behavior as to what we are seeing now so we can compare them? Perhaps we can find the answer if we can find a similar enough occurrence."

Shepard directed his thoughts to what had caught his attention about Kaidan's interactions with the others that had made him think there was something off. He started comparing what he saw today with other times that Kaidan's behavior had caught his attention but that was already turning out to be just as fruitless in finding answers: he simply had too much source material to work from.

"He seems reserved," Liara's voice cut into his thoughts suddenly and he turned to her again. "It feels as though he is not with those he spends every day with, such as how he was at times back when we were pursuing Saren."

Shepard felt his mind click in recognition of Liara's words. She was right. While it wasn't too obvious since he couldn't just stop being close friends with them all, Kaidan was indeed acting distant from them, just like he had on the SR-1 before he had become more comfortable with being friends with the crew instead of just Lieutenant Alenko.

So now there was the question of why he had suddenly retreated like this. It wasn't like him to do something like this without reason.

But Shepard could work with this. He could figure it out instead of shooting in the dark and just hoping that Kaidan wouldn't withdraw from him when he asked.

"You know I love you deeply, right Liara?" he said as he grinned at the Asari, who simply smiled in return.

"I know this, Shepard. However, I am not certain you should be making such claims while your partner is within distance to hear." Shepard let out a soft curse as he looked up and saw Kaidan standing next to the table, looking at them with a raised eyebrow. Shepard then turned a dirty look to Liara, who was sure to have been more aware of their surroundings than the Commander was and hadn't warned Shepard that his lover had returned. Not that he was worried about Kaidan hearing his declaration of appreciation to Liara, but they had been talking about the biotic.

Kaidan looked between the pair before his lips lifted into a smile and he just shook his head. "You are very lucky I know you both well enough to not be worried about that at all."

Apparently Garrus had also emerged from his own conversation enough to chime in, "What is it with you and Shepard being comfortable enough in your relationship to not worry about stuff like that? Shepard pulled the same thing on me when I challenged it with you sleeping in the lounge."

Kaidan looked to the Turian with an incredulous expression, "You want us to have such an untrustworthy relationship?"

Garrus shrugged widely as he responded, "Come on, it's so much more entertaining when there's something for you guys to argue about."

Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest. "There's plenty for us to argue about. We just haven't wasted time on them yet. And it won't be for something as stupid as not knowing better than that we wouldn't be cheating on each other."

"So you swear you guys will be giving us some top-class drama at some point?"

"Anything for you, Vakarian." Kaidan's response sounded so genuine that James and Steve actually looked somewhat concerned, the men not being as familiar with the Major's dark sense of humor as the ones who had known him for a few years.

Garrus on the other hand, placed his hand on his chest and let out a relieved sigh. "You make me so happy, Kaidan."

Shepard rolled his eyes dramatically at that and reached out to place his hand on Kaidan's hip, encouraging him to return to his seat so Shepard could replace his arm around his shoulders. The biotic responded with no hesitation in sitting down and settled in against the Commander, taking up conversation with Liara with ease.

Again though, there was that subtle distance that only those who were watching closely and were very skilled at reading the man would notice.

Anyway, Shepard felt less inclined to even broach the subject as Kaidan appeared to need the distraction and spent many hours longer in the club than normal, actually drinking enough to get a little tipsy - accelerated metabolism of a biotic meant he usually burned through alcohol as he drank it – and as they all headed back to the Normandy, he seemed pretty much normal.

Shepard held onto that sentiment even as they got ready for bed in his cabin and curled up together, both just feeling the need for sleep and thoughts of intimacy not even really entering their minds. So as Kaidan was wrapped in Shepard's arms, the Commander was ready to let things go; after all, everybody had a bad day and sometimes there was no reason. If it happened, you just got past it and moved on to the next day.

But then Kaidan had awoken with a panicked gasp after a few hours of sleep. He had moved quickly to retreat to the bathroom, most likely so he could collect himself. He had obviously thought that he hadn't woken Shepard as the man had not moved. However, the Commander had been awake for a few moments as Kaidan had been shifting in his sleep and had woken Shepard then.

Thing was that Kaidan was a still sleeper. He usually woke up in the same exact position as he fell asleep in, whether he had rough dreams or not. And Shepard knew there were some nights that Kaidan had nightmares because he was a soldier and every soldier had nightmares, especially ones who had been through as much as they all had.

But again, on the nights where bad memories struck the biotic, he would usually wake up, curl in closer to Shepard and either just lay silently awake or on rarer occasions fall back to sleep. Either way, it didn't match up with how tonight had gone. And it wasn't just the harsh awakening or even the retreat from the bed.

It was that the sheets were laying on the floor a few feet from the bed with tears in the material from the flare of biotics that had been discharged from Kaidan right before he had woken up that really had Shepard concerned.

The only time Shepard had seen biotics from Kaidan that weren't performed exactly as the man intended was during sex when he was so caught up in sensations and emotions that they flowed briefly before he once again reigned them in. Hell, even those weren't as intense as when they had first slept together again as Kaidan gained control even when he lost himself to passion.

So what had happened for him to lose control like this?

Deciding that he wasn't getting any answers just lying here – and more importantly he wasn't helping his lover at all by not going to him in an obvious time of need - Shepard stood and walked into the bathroom.

They were both stripped down to their thermal underwear and as Shepard turned the corner to the bathroom, he saw the layer of sweat that had emerged over Kaidan's body. The biotic had his hands resting on the sink and was breathing deeply with his head lowered, his sleep-mussed hair falling forward slightly.

Knowing that the biotic was already on edge and was therefore more likely to react as a trained soldier if Shepard approached without announcing himself, he stepped into the room with heavy footfalls. He knew Kaidan heard him as the muscles of his shoulders tightened and his dark eyes lifted to look briefly at Shepard. When the Commander continued to move toward him, he appeared to accept the man's presence as his eyes lowered again.

Shepard stepped up right behind Kaidan and pressed the length of his body against Kaidan's, letting the warmth of the biotic's body flow into him. Familiar as he was with the sensation of biotic discharge, Shepard could tell at once that Kaidan's were still not completely dissipated from their brief use.

How could Kaidan not have his biotics under control now that he was awake?

He would work to that though, and he pressed his face against the back of Kaidan's neck, just beneath his dark hairline. He knew that the area around Kaidan's implant was sensitive and it was usually quite soothing to have it massaged. His attention around the area was a silent offer to do so now. His lover sighed softly and his hand came to cover Shepard's arms, which had wrapped around the biotic's stomach. The hand that touched him was tense though and then Kaidan confirmed Shepard's suspicion of the refusal of his offer by leaning his head forward and his neck away from the contact.

Sometimes Kaidan just didn't want to be reminded of anything to do with his biotics.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you up," Kaidan whispered.

Shepard just pressed a gentle kiss to Kaidan's shoulder. "I woke up a few minutes before you did. You were restless."

"Damnit," Kaidan knew himself well enough for that to explain things. "I still didn't want you to wake up, John."

"Why not? What's been going on with you today? You've been off since…well yesterday morning."

Kaidan sighed and Shepard felt the tense body mold further against him as Kaidan relaxed into him. "I got a call from Hackett last night. He wanted me to know about a theft of some reports back on Earth a few weeks ago."

"Why did you need to know about them?" Shepard was actually suspicious now. Hackett making a call to Kaidan was only slightly unusual so it had to be in the specifics of the reports in question. However, Kaidan had simply been involved in too much to say what it may have been about.

"The reports are of particular interest to me."

After there was a silence long enough for Shepard to pick up that Kaidan was going to need a little more prompting. "Why, Kaidan?" his voice was soothing and encouraging.

Kaidan let out a heavy sigh as his eyes lifted and looked to Shepard through the mirror. "They are the reports pertaining to the incident at the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training facility."

Shepard couldn't help but tighten his hold around his lover, as if his embrace now would keep what happened so many years ago from touching the man he loved more than it already did.

"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction when he told me. Someone hacked the files, bypassed all security measures around them, and took everything pertaining to the closure of the facility and the incident that caused it."

"The incident was you killing a Turian."

In other words, the report was all about Kaidan and what he could do when he was an unstable teen. Shepard hoped that he was being overly cautious towards his lover, but something in his gut screamed "personal" and he would do everything in his considerable power to keep Kaidan safe.

"Yes, but there was actually more included in the reports than that. Hackett sent me everything connected to the file so I could try and figure out why they went after those files specifically. There are easier files to access if someone is looking to ruin the Alliance's reputation after all."

"What else is in the reports?"

"Basically everything they found that says it wasn't a good place to be a biotic. Along with the Alliance's investigation, there were links to all the reports compiled by BAaT on all the trainees: medical records, power levels, reactions to different doses of Red Sand, and projected system failure." Kaidan let out a bitter scoff. "They were actually predicting how long each trainee had until they would be physically and mentally unable to continue, when they would suffer irreparable brain damage from pushing their biotics too hard."

Shepard wanted to ignore the obvious question Kaidan had pretty much laid out for him but he couldn't. "Yours are in there too?"

"Yeah. I was always a strong candidate. Biotics always spiked on the higher end, had a high tolerance to Red Sand, and displayed a high threshold to the training model."

"So they could put you through more before you broke?" Shepard's voice was the coldest it had ever been while speaking to Kaidan.

"Pretty much. Anyway, I'd never seen the files, barely remember the investigation coming off of Red Sand and trauma like I was. Reading everything connected to that place again like that…Well, I had no idea how it would get to me. I thought I put that all behind me years ago. Let it push me forward instead of keep me back. Guess that only lasts as long as I don't have it all thrown in my face."

"Kaidan…" Shepard spoke, trying to quickly find the right words to help soothe his lover.

"I can't find anything to help Hackett figure this out. I couldn't see anything past what I remembered about what I was reading. And I know Hackett is counting on me being able to find something nobody else can because that's what I do. That's what all those commendations from my days as an Intel officer say I'm able to do. But when it comes to something I saw for myself, that I know with familiarity no one else has, I can't piece it together to help him out."

Shepard was suddenly reminded of the mission Hackett had asked him to investigate a few years ago of some deaths all because of a connection to Akuze. Hackett saw the value in making sure you had closure and this was apparently him making sure Kaidan had his own closure with BAaT. Sure, he probably did need Kaidan's eyes in on this one but that wasn't the only reason. After all, it was obvious that both Hackett and Anderson had grown about as close to the biotic as they were with Shepard over the past few years and that comforted Shepard deeply.

Two well-respected Admirals would always have his lover's back.

Back to the issue at hand though, Kaidan obviously hadn't expected to be affected like he was by reading over the reports and files.

Hell, how could anyone know what reading something like that would do to them? It was the most traumatic experience of Kaidan's life – or at least in his teenage years - and to read something reduced to the cold hard facts presented in the most direct manner without any of the emotions involved had to be…well rough didn't come close to what it had to be like.

It was enough to make Kaidan withdraw from people he trusted with his life.

It was enough to make him want to pull away from John.

It was enough to affect pretty much every aspect of his sleep.

It was enough to affect his biotics.

Shepard found himself making a request before really thinking through what he was about to ask, "Can I see them?"

Dark eyes lifted again to look into his blue eyes and Shepard could feel his lover's mind tearing apart the request to figure out the reason. He was so on-guard that Shepard felt the need to hold him tighter and remind him of how deeply they trusted each other, so that's what he did. His arms wrapped even more securely around the biotic's waist, one sliding higher so that both hands and arms were in full contact with Kaidan's skin instead of overlapping as they had been. Kaidan's breath was somewhat forced out of him at the motion but he recovered quickly enough.

"What's the point?" To anyone else, it might have seemed like the Major was challenging Shepard, but the Commander only heard Kaidan searching for answers in the best way he knew how: as a soldier and officer and that meant voice even and bringing things straight to the point.

"To give you a real chance to look at these through experienced eyes." Kaidan's eyes narrowed and so Shepard continued quickly. "Look, when you first told me about Jump Zero, BAaT, Conatix, Rahna, and Vyrnnus I watched you pretty much disappear into what had happened over ten years ago. But I understand why you would: time doesn't mean you stop suffering for things over and done with. Reading everything the Alliance put together about the place has probably got you doing the same thing." Shepard remembered how it seemed like his questions or feedback to Kaidan while the biotic had been sharing a few years ago had been the only reason he even remained engaged in the conversation. And Kaidan had such a tendency to get caught up in his head when he was working. "What's to keep you from getting caught up in what happened instead of what you're reading?"

"And you think letting you see the reports would keep that from happening?" Kaidan's voice was still even, still gathering information.

"We do that for each other all the time, Kaidan. Why should it be different because the reports happen to be about something you were a part of?"

Kaidan maintained eye contact for a few more silent moments before he let out a heavy sigh and leaned his head back against Shepard's shoulder.

"How long have you been sitting on an argument like that, John?" he asked and Shepard felt his muscles relax as he realized that Kaidan had accepted his offer.

"Are you kidding? That one was on the spot. I don't usually have to charm you into sharing information with me." Shepard's voice lifted slightly with emotion as he pressed his forehead into the top of Kaidan's shoulder. He felt Kaidan let out a huff of amusement as the man turned his head and pressed a gentle kiss to Shepard's temple.

"You say that like you've ever been able to bullshit me."

Charm, bullshit, whatever one wanted to call it, Kaidan wasn't wrong.

"Only as much as you've been able to bullshit me so I guess we're even," Shepard responded.

"Or just really good for each other," Kaidan murmured and then appeared to realize just what he had said because Shepard could feel his pulse spike, pressed close to his neck as he was, and lifted his head just enough to give Kaidan a reasonably deeper kiss before the biotic's embarrassment could take hold.

Shepard loved how it didn't matter how long they were together, his lover always maintained some of that awkward uncertainty when it came to being open with his emotions.

Lightening the pressure against Kaidan's lips, but remaining in contact, Shepard whispered honestly, "I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with. You're it for me."

Shepard felt Kaidan's lips lift into a gentle smile as his body relaxed further against him. "You too."

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading and hope you enjoy. Until next time,  
Kira Dattei


	4. Purpose

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 4/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** What is behind every action…

 **Chapter 4: Purpose**

The couple remained entwined in each other's arms for many silent minutes, just giving and taking what they needed from the other until Kaidan finally actually shivered, his body finally cooling down – Shepard was fine as he was apparently leeching heat off of Kaidan – to the point that it was enough for him to notice that they weren't dressed in much. With one final kiss, Shepard pulled away and they both walked out of the bathroom.

Kaidan paused in the doorway as he looked to the floor at the bottom of the bed and his face flushed slightly. "Sorry about the sheet, John. It's been a long time since my biotics flared because of a dream."

Shepard grabbed some sweats and held out another pair to Kaidan along with a thermal tank top, then pulled on his N7 hoodie and zipped it up before turning to grab one of his datapads off of his desk. "When was the last time?"

Kaidan grabbed his omnitool from the bedside table and slid it into place over his wrist, then brought up the display and started entering a string of commands.

"Happened sometimes in basic when I would go a long time without using my biotics. I never did buy into the threats BAaT tried to instill that we would overload when they weren't used, but controlling biotics is more than knowing how to focus the field. It's about having the perfect balance of conscious and unconscious thought to get it to work. That's how you get exactly what you want to happen be what you get every time."

Shepard paused for a few seconds, looking over to his lover. He had never heard biotics described that way. It was a unique way of putting it but was also definitely a more advanced concept, showing the experience Kaidan had gained with his abilities.

Kaidan glanced over to him when he seemed to become aware of Shepard's attention. "So why did you think you would make a bad teacher?" the Commander mused, only half-teasing.

"Shut up. I sent the reports to you."

"Well, we obviously aren't getting any more sleep tonight so we might as well get something accomplished," Shepard said with a grin as he pulled up the emails on the compad and gave the list of received documents a quick perusal. The more he helped Kaidan work through this shit now the better off he would be tomorrow. "Why are some flagged?"

"Those are the ones that were actually stolen. The others are just related or referenced by the reports."

"Where should we start?"

"Might as well go through the big one, the report on the incident with Vyrnnus." Kaidan relayed the report number and Shepard found and pulled it up, then read over it.

After a few more minutes of silence as he read over the file, he could actually understand why Kaidan had so much trouble getting through it without being triggered. It was an extremely detailed report – if it had been a report submitted to him he would have been proud of the one who wrote it up – with full transcripts of interviews conducted with students, including Kaidan, and instructors. There were full medical reviews of Vyrnnus' injuries and evaluations of Kaidan's state as he suffered the effects of the Red Sand working out of his system during the duration of the investigation. Finally, there was the data that listed all the trainees that were released when BAaT was found to be too dangerous for biotics to remain there as students.

Shepard sat down heavily on the couch next to where Kaidan had settled at some point as he finished up the report, noticing that the Major had grabbed one of Shepard's datapads and was going through some of the additional files that hadn't been stolen. Shepard reached out and touched Kaidan's wrist to gain his lover's attention. Kaidan's dark eyes looked over to him and even though he tried to hide it, Shepard saw Kaidan's attempt to suppress his emotions. Shepard allowed his lover what he wanted and kept his focus on the report.

"Is the report accurate? All of it?" he asked.

Kaidan nodded slightly. "As far as I can tell, yes. Of course I don't have verification on the other students and where they were sent, but the numbers from the list seems about right."

"I'm still not sure why that was included in this report and not a separate one."

Usually reports were much more focused; they had to be so that they could make it through all the eyes they had to and be found easily when needed. So much stuffed into a few reports was just asking to not be easily found and then navigated. It was as if at least four reports had been shoved into one lengthy document.

Kaidan shrugged as he turned back to his own report. "The Alliance wasn't keen on the investigation and findings getting any attention. They endorsed the project and didn't want to lose faith in such a sensitive time for humans earning their place among the species. Would you trust a military that couldn't take care of their own first biotics?"

Shepard recognized Kaidan's explanation. He had hinted to that sort of organization to the program and this just confirmed what Shepard had suspected.

It made Shepard's curiosity of just how Kaidan had come to the decision to enlist with the Alliance peak.

Kaidan's thought process and his ability to forgive went beyond anyone else John knew.

"I also remember the investigating team being small, just a few uniforms going through the facility asking questions. Even with these reports, there are only three names that come up as investigating officers available for contact."

Shepard pulled up the list of reports and files and realized that Kaidan was right. "Doesn't leave many people who knew at the time what happened."

"There's never been a time when more than a handful of people have known anything real about BAaT. I already looked into the officers and nothing strikes me as something to be concerned about with them. Their records are clean and none of them appear to have anywhere near the skill to pull off the actual theft. Besides that, they shouldn't need to steal anything related to that investigation since a good investigator keeps their own records of everything they've ever submitted."

Shepard's eyes lifted from his datapad again and raised an eyebrow at Kaidan. "This include you?"

Kaidan gave Shepard a sly look. "Like I said, a good investigator keeps track. Then again, I'm an Intel officer so I have multiple stores of data all with different heavy encryptions."

Well that was hot…Kaidan actually kind of showing off a little, confidence rising to the surface.

Kaidan appeared to figure Shepard's thoughts, probably from his expression, because he rolled his eyes and turned back to his datapad. "These guys were good. They had about a week to gather everything and condense it into a single comprehensive report and they managed."

"As long as you don't stick too firmly on the definition of 'comprehensive'. I've seen Garrus write reports that are easier to follow."

"Learn the Turian shorthand and you'll get further in going over anything he puts together." Shepard couldn't tell if Kaidan was serious or not – his usual tells tended to shift when he was deeply focused on something - so he just remained silent. "I didn't think they would include a list of all students removed from BAaT. Not a bad move on their part, gave them an easily accessible list of known slightly trained biotics. Even with Conatix working to identify biotics, there still wasn't a reliable method for tracking us. And then the company folded…"

"It's a thorough list too," Shepard mused as he scrolled to that section of the report and gave the list more focused attention. He had only glanced at it before, noting that it was there before moving on to the more pertinent aspects of the investigation. His gaze lingered on two names as he found them: Kaidan and Rahna. The one who had shut down the program by killing an instructor and the one he had been protecting.

Shaking his head slightly to refocus on the task at hand of helping Kaidan keep from getting caught up in his head – and here he was doing exactly that – Shepard tried to find something to drive someone to want these particular reports.

"Any possibility they took the wrong reports? Got the wrong docket numbers or something?" Shepard voiced the question suddenly as he kept coming up empty with reason. He was usually pretty good at finding cause but nothing was jumping out at him in this case. It was just so damn random.

Kaidan didn't seem to take to the idea. "It's a lot of precision for a mistake. I know there is still some concern about it being used against the Alliance. Hell, just getting to these reports would be enough to imply we can't fight the Reapers since we can't even protect our own information. But if that's what it was about, there are better ones to go for, ones with more impact on the Alliance today."

Shepard turned his gaze back to Kaidan and lifted an eyebrow. "Wait, are you saying that is or isn't what they are trying to do?"

"I'm thinking not…" Kaidan responded, but his voice was distracted. Shepard recognized Kaidan disappearing into his thoughts but it seemed to be more for the sake of a possible realization. "Start going through the files that were stolen."

"And I'm looking for what?" Shepard asked as he pulled up the first file and started scrolling through to get an idea of content.

"Student records: names, biotic readings, tracked locations, anything." Kaidan's own fingers were moving swiftly between his omnitool and the datapad, working as quickly as he could with what he had available to him. Shepard knew the Major would let him know what he was onto once he worked through the idea that was working its way through his head. So he focused on checking the information Kaidan had asked for.

By the third stolen report, Shepard realized the pattern Kaidan had found. Every report that had been stolen contained information pertaining to specific students. "You think they were after the students?" Shepard asked as he pulled up another report.

"All the files left behind either don't contain any information on students or what's there isn't enough to be useful. Whoever is doing this is looking for BAaT brats."

"What would be the point?"

Kaidan let out a heavy sigh and his right hand dropped to his lap. "How many biotic extremists do we run into? Let's face it, Shepard, I'm not the rule when it comes to how my kind handle being what we are. I'm more the exception. We are feared, made to feel like freaks, and that's from our own species. People notice and take advantage. And anyone who survived BAaT has plenty to hold a grudge against."

Kaidan's voice had taken on what Shepard could only describe as a dead tone. In over three years of knowing the man, the Commander had never known him to sound like that. Even when in the complete mindset of either a soldier or an officer, there were layers to his words and Shepard had always been simply ensnared in paying attention whenever the biotic spoke. It was as though all the years of suppressing what he showed to others tried to come through in the subtleties of his tones. It was why he made a good high ranking officer: people wanted to listen to him because he only really spoke when there was something worth saying.

Shepard opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Kaidan's voice calling out, "EDI, please send a message to Admiral Hackett requesting to speak to him over vid comm."

"Yes, Major," EDI's voice responded through the speaker across the room.

The biotic stood up and moved to the door to grab his shoes, then sat down in the chair at Shepard's desk to pull them on. He obviously didn't care that he wasn't in any sort of uniform but considering the time it probably didn't matter.

"Shouldn't we wait until an hour he's likely to actually accept the request?"

"They've had a few weeks already to work with. The quicker we check into this the sooner we know if I'm right."

"And if you _are_ right?" Shepard broached the fact that Kaidan seemed to not care about. "If they are after BAaT students for something, you are the easiest to track."

Kaidan looked up from lacing his boot. "Not necessarily; Hackett is the only one who really knows the Normandy's location most of the time. Besides, I highly doubt I will be high on their list to try and get to. I'm an Alliance officer, the highest ranked biotic, the second human Spectre, and serving on the Normandy which is all over the galaxy to fight against the Reapers. Knowing where I am means nothing if they can't get to me without breaking cover."

Shepard shot up from his seat and walked over toward his lover. "Kaidan, I know you. I know you don't really think that anybody willing to break into Alliance files to steal reports of a biotic program from nearly fifteen years ago would really stop trying to get what they want just because it might be a little tougher."

Kaidan stood and turned toward the door. "Of course not, but 'a little tougher' will buy us some time."

Shepard mumbled out a curse and pulled on his own boots quickly before following his lover to the elevator and taking it down to Deck 2. "We'll see if Hackett agrees the risk isn't worth its due attention."

Kaidan let out a frustrated groan and leaned against the wall of the elevator. "I don't know what you think you're coming off as with this but I doubt it matches what I'm getting out of it. But by all means, keep talking like I'm not a soldier and perfectly capable of taking care of myself, even when people are gunning for me. It wouldn't be the first time people have tried to take me out and it won't be the last."

Shit, Kaidan was pissed off, like Horizon-levels of pissed off.

"And even if the Admiral decided to play it safe, that would mean giving orders and pulling me from the Normandy. You know he didn't give any official orders for me to be assigned here and my status is designated as under Spectre authority." Of course Shepard knew: they had both thrown that fact at Vega when he had jokingly brought up fraternization. Hell, Shepard was entirely certain that Hackett and Anderson pieced together that they had been together for a short time before Shepard had died; his relentless questioning for information on Kaidan when he was with Cerberus had made it pretty obvious, especially to men who knew him well as they did. "Hackett isn't stupid," Kaidan continued briefly before falling silent because he didn't need to say anything else. The best place for Kaidan to be was on the Normandy and to pull him away now would only hurt the war effort.

"Major Alenko, Admiral Hackett has accepted your request and is waiting on the vid comm," EDI's voice echoed through the small space.

"Thanks again, EDI," Kaidan responded, his voice in an unusual place between lingering frustration with Shepard and his usual warmth as he addressed his friend with gratitude.

The doors of the lift slid open and the two men walked through the quiet halls in tense silence. They were checked through security at the junction point and continued to the comm room. As soon as they walked into the room, the room lit up as the holo-view of Hackett displayed. He was dressed similar to them, out of uniform and comfortable. At least that meant he was able to find a moment to himself as well. He didn't seem to have been woken up or irritated though and that took a little bit of concern off Shepard about contacting him so suddenly.

Both men snapped a quick salute and Hackett returned it.

"Major, I didn't expect to hear from you so quickly," the man began and while he used Kaidan's rank, his tone wasn't as official as it normally would be.

Kaidan somehow managed to sound respectful, official, and amused at the same time as he responded, "I can call back later, sir." It was a reminder that the Major had become very familiar with the Admiral since the first Normandy had been destroyed.

Hackett turned to Shepard and his image lifted an eyebrow. "Stop being a bad influence on the Major, Shepard. One sarcastic asshole on the Normandy is enough for the Alliance to deal with." Shepard would be inclined to blame the different tone on them all being out of uniform, but Hackett had too often been blunt with him about his thoughts.

"I'll give my condolences to Lieutenant Vega on his transfer then," Shepard responded, the exchange between the familiar men flowing naturally.

Hackett's lips lifted briefly before his attention turned back toward Kaidan. "I assume you not only informed Shepard of what I asked you to look into but found something."

"Yes, sir but I need help to figure out if I'm actually on to something." Hackett nodded for the Major to continue when the biotic paused. "I need Intel to check into all the names of BAaT trainees in the reports and see if anything unusual has been reported concerning them from four months prior to the theft to now."

"That's quite a time frame and a lot of people to look into Alenko. You want to narrow down what you consider 'unusual' and make our job a little easier?"

"Changes in behavior or habits if they are in a position to have that tracked and since the theft you are looking for disappearances."

"You think these people are pursuing former students?"

"All the reports that were taken provide identifiable information for the trainees."

"Then why didn't they take the medical records attached to the reports?" Shepard hadn't read those files so wasn't sure what was there.

"Those records were mostly just generic check-ups conducted by BAaT from their intake and monthly physicals. There's nothing in those files that would help someone find them now. Keep in mind that part of BAaT training was biotic isolation so most records kept there didn't even include parent names or birthplace. Without information like that, good luck narrowing it down to the right person in the galaxy."

"Because them being students at BAaT isn't on any public records," Hackett mused. He then sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "I was hoping when I heard from you, regardless of how long it took, that I would have something for you but there's nothing new on this end. We haven't been able to pin it on anyone and nobody's stepping forward for the attention."

Kaidan crossed his arms over his chest, the motion temporarily gaining Shepard's attention as the muscles of the man's arms shifted.

The Commander was definitely feeling the late hour since he was distracted in such a way while on vid comm with Admiral Hackett.

"I doubt we'll know anything unless they do decide to come forward. We don't really have anything to start with on identifying them and our resources are already spread thin because of the Reapers. Even now, it doesn't feel like it should be a priority." Kaidan took in a deep breath and his eyes lowered in thought. "There's only two reasons for someone to take an interest in a list like this: they're looking to recruit or kill."

Shepard had realized it immediately when Kaidan had made the discovery, but it being put so bluntly made the Commander tighten his hands into fists at his sides, his nails biting into his palm from the harsh pressure.

"Very true, which raises concern for you, Alenko," Hackett said, his eyes locking onto the biotic with an intense gaze.

"Yeah, I brought that up but he doesn't seem all that worried about it," Shepard cut in before Kaidan could respond. Kaidan shot his lover a quick look but Shepard didn't back down. He didn't care if they did end up having their first fight since getting back together because of this: he would make sure Kaidan wasn't in danger if he could do something about it.

It was surprisingly Hackett that spoke, "Knowing you, Shepard, you probably didn't take the right approach."

Shepard's eyes turned to the Admiral along with Kaidan's. "With all due respect, what the hell does that mean?" Shepard questioned harshly, relying on his relationship with the man to keep Hackett from getting pissed at him. That and the Admiral _had_ to know that his comment had been the one to bring up the relationship between the two soldiers. So really it was Hackett's fault and he would stand by that if challenged.

Apparently Hackett had expected pretty much that response because his expression turned quite satisfied at that and Kaidan let out a brief sigh. "You have a tendency of losing your tact and suave when it comes to Alenko. I don't imagine you've had the chance to improve that yet." The Admiral looked back toward Kaidan, whose cheeks and ears had darkened slightly likely to be because of the suddenly very personal turn of conversation. "I know you, Major. I know you have already started putting together your own options for a course of action."

Brown eyes glanced swiftly between Hackett and Shepard and the Commander saw the tightening of Kaidan's hands on his arms. He didn't want to say what he had come up with in front of Shepard.

"If you were targeting BAaT brats, whether for revenge or firepower, getting to me would be high priority considering what happened. But my situation as it is, they couldn't take any action towards me with some half-assed plan."

"Getting to you would be extremely difficult even if we weren't at war," Hackett mused, his words echoing Kaidan's earlier statement.

"Murdering or capturing a Spectre brings the attention of the Council. Murdering or capturing an Alliance officer of high rank gets the attention of the Alliance. Going after someone serving on the Normandy gets Shepard and his crew all over your ass. Go after someone who is all three and you might as well call yourself Saren and get ready for the consequences."

Shepard couldn't deny that his extreme concern for his lover had somewhat blinded him to these facts.

But what could he say? He had never known Kaidan to be anything but a soldier. It was part of who the man was and that Kaidan could stand next to Shepard as an equal on the battlefield was part of the reason he loved him. But that meant nothing to the situation they were looking at now: someone was targeting Kaidan not because he was in the fight, but because he was Kaidan Alenko and that had never happened before.

"So you don't think they'll risk it?" Hackett asked for clarification.

"Oh, they'll risk it but not before they are certain they can get away with it without exposing their identities."

"Then what was the point of all that? We need more than 'it'll probably happen' if we are actually going to do something useful about it," Shepard bit out.

"Shepard, calm down. Remember that it wasn't my choice to involve you in this and I will order you to leave if you can't keep focused," Hackett's tone was even and had taken on a hint of authority that had been absent so far in their discussion.

The change in tone wasn't enough for Shepard to back off though. "I'm not leaving as long as you're talking about the well-being of my partner."

Kaidan let out a frustrated sigh as one hand lifted to press against his temple, the motion familiar of him trying to relieve rising pain of a headache.

Hackett, however, didn't react at all. "This isn't about your relationship with him, Shepard, so don't make it out to be."

"My relationship with him is the reason I'm in the room right now. I don't care if I'm arrested for disobeying a direct order, I'm not leaving."

Kaidan interrupted then, sounding every bit embarrassed as he did authoritative, "If you two are going to start in on that, at least wait until I'm out of the room. I have no interest in putting my personal life further out in the open than it has tried to be since the announcement of me being made a Spectre." He paused for a few seconds before looking up to Hackett once more. "We keep attention off of me by letting me do what you asked me to do: investigate as a personal favor. I'm not in on this investigation, but as a Major and the head of the Spec Ops Biotic program, I have access to all findings. They don't know I'm aware of the thefts and know to look out for anything. Keep as low of a profile as possible in locating the other students. Once we have a fix on them, we'll get a better idea on their intentions and can plan from there."

That certainly wasn't too unreasonable or even really dangerous, making Shepard wonder if that is what Kaidan really wanted to say or if he was just catering to the mood of the room. There was a very real possibility that the Major had something else in mind that he was going to carry through with on his own.

"Very well, Major. In the meantime, keep up your efforts there on the Normandy. I'll send you reports as they come in from the investigation."

"Yes, sir. I'll let you and the Commander finish up here," Kaidan gave the Admiral one final salute when the man nodded acceptance of his departure.

Shepard reached out and grabbed hold of Kaidan's elbow as his lover turned to leave. "Would you wait at the lift? I won't take long here." He was pleading for Kaidan not to let them leave each other mad. He had to make sure they were alright.

Kaidan hesitated in answering, looking down to where Shepard had hold of him before he sighed and gave a brief nod. Shepard let him go and watched as he left the comm room and the door slid shut behind him.

"Shepard," Hackett called out to him and he turned to face the Admiral again. "I've worked closely with the Major since the first Normandy was destroyed. He's a good man and I trust his judgment. Even when I received the report stating that he had killed Udina, I never doubted that he had done the right thing. I don't want him caught up in someone's agenda any more than you do, but we've got to accept that it is happening and he isn't going to back down. He is a soldier first and he will fight this. Don't become something else he has to fight by trying to hold him back; remember what happened to the last guy who tried to suppress Kaidan Alenko."

Shepard's eyes narrowed slightly as he thought about what the Admiral meant. Then all the conversations he had had with Kaidan when first getting to know him came back and he understood: Vyrrnus had done nothing but put Kaidan down, he tried to destroy the person and keep the power. Sure, that wasn't why Kaidan had killed him, but it had likely been a determining factor in how Kaidan had lost control and lashed out like he had.

"I won't let anything happen to him, Hackett. He's already been through enough because of that damn place."

"I understand your feelings on this, Shepard, but he's going to need you on his side in this. He obviously believes that they are looking to recruit and he's worried. Make sure he knows that he can count on you no matter what he decides to do, because you know that whatever he does is going to be for the sake of others rather than making sure he stays safe."

Of course Shepard knew that. He knew that Kaidan would take a hit long before he let someone else get hurt, especially if he felt some sort of responsibility over them.

Shepard did see what Hackett was getting at though, "I understand, Admiral. Doesn't make it any easier."

"Of course not. But for what it's worth, I'm relieved he chose to tell you about the situation, not only because you're his Commander. Hackett out."

The display dimmed and Shepard leaned forward and placed his hand on the edges of the control panel, taking in a few deep breaths to try and work through some of the emotions raging through him. This was turning out to be one hell of a night. Shepard was just grateful that the Normandy was dry docked for at least another day so that he could make sure everything was fine between them before getting back out into the fight.

He straightened up as soon as he felt a little more focused and walked from the room and toward the lift. He was worried that Kaidan would decide that he didn't want to try and work things out with Shepard tonight and wouldn't be there. But Shepard also knew that Kaidan had told him that he would be there and so would keep his word.

He wasn't disappointed as he turned the last corner after the security junction and saw Kaidan leaning against the wall next to the elevator with his arms crossed over his chest, his gaze lowered and obviously not really paying attention to what was going on around him. It was also looking at him from this distance and position that Shepard really saw how tired Kaidan looked. He looked like he hadn't slept for days even though Shepard knew that wasn't the case. It was like one night having to deal with this concern was draining away whatever Kaidan had to offer.

Taking in a deep breath, Shepard closed the remaining distance between the two of them and waited for Kaidan to look up to him. Brown eyes lifted and observed Shepard silently for a few moments. He then let out a sigh, this one not as heavy as some of the others he had released through the night.

"I get it, John," he spoke quietly. "I know how you feel because I feel it all the time for you. Consider that the next time you think you are saying the right thing when it comes up that someone wants to target me."

"That's not it, Kaidan. I know you can take care of yourself. But I'm here for that too. I want to make sure you're okay, especially since you spend so much time making sure everyone else is okay. We are partners after all so let me worry about you when there's something to worry about." Kaidan moved to speak again but was interrupted by Shepard raising his hand and placing it on Kaidan's cheek. "This isn't a battle Kaidan. This isn't dozens of bullets being aimed at an enemy. This is someone gunning for you. I don't want them to hit their mark."

"Then don't try to hold me back from what I have to do and just…just be there. Like you were when I woke up tonight. I can't get that from anyone else. Don't want it from anyone else. So could you just…remember that that's what you do for me?"

Shepard gave a relieved smile and leaned forward to touch his forehead to Kaidan's. He could do that. Hell, Kaidan did it all the time if how often Shepard did stupid risky stuff while on missions was anything to go by.

"Yeah, I'll do that," he promised.

"And if you could keep our relationship out of vid comms with Admirals that would be good. I know it's not news to Hackett or Anderson that we have something beyond professional and they don't care, but somebody might and we don't need another thing to worry about right now."

"Yeah, I make no promises on that one. Anyone wants to pick a fight over that, they are welcome to try. We'll run them into the ground."

Kaidan let out a soft chuckle, his breath fanning across Shepard's lips enticingly. "Good thing I wasn't betting on that one." Shepard smiled in return and placed a chaste kiss on Kaidan's lips before pulling away. The pair moved away from each other and into the elevator, Shepard pressing the button for his cabin. He figured he wasn't assuming Kaidan would be spending the rest of the night with him when Kaidan had waited for him.

When they got off the elevator and walked into Shepard's cabin, the pair moved back toward the bed in silence. It was a mirror of when they had come into the cabin after leaving the bar with their friends as they stripped down to their briefs and moved to lay down together. Shepard grabbed the covers from the floor and pulled the undamaged part over both of them as he settled in at Kaidan's back, his arm sliding securely around the biotic's stomach to pull him in close. He pressed a series of kisses against Kaidan's shoulders and neck before settling in by burying his face at the back of Kaidan's neck, thick hair at the nape of his lover's neck tickling his forehead in a familiar manner – this was a favored position for both of them to sleep in, just as this or reversed.

Shepard was gradually relaxing and felt sleep overtaking him when he heard Kaidan whisper, "Thank you, John."

The Commander smiled and tightened his hold on his lover. "Every time, Kaidan. I'll be here when you need me."

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading, and hope to hear from you. See you next chapter.  
Kira Dattei


	5. Searching

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
C **hapter:** 5/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Stay safe…

 **Chapter 5: Searching**

As quickly as the news of the stolen files and the reminder of what had been done to him at BAaT had hit, once it had been addressed with Hackett that early morning, the case pretty much got passive attention from Kaidan. There were just too many other things for him to focus on that were much more important to the galaxy's survival than someone targeting biotics from the training facility he had attended and ultimately shut down. It certainly wasn't a lack of caring, just prioritizing his workload.

A war against a race that wanted to wipe out the galaxy gets top billing any day in Kaidan's book.

He wasn't ignoring it either. Hackett had confirmed Kaidan's theory a few days after their early morning vid call: nearly a dozen BAaT brats were now missing, a few of their homes overturned with signs of struggle but there was no indication that they had been killed.

So someone was rounding them all up. And they were being careful enough that they hadn't done anything to expose their identities.

So Kaidan was now stuck waiting for them to screw up and reveal themselves.

Or he was waiting for them to come for him.

Either way, he would get answers.

Not that he wasn't trying to find answers without error on their part. Kaidan had tried to find something else to give Hackett, checking into known biotic extremists and cultists to see if any of them seemed to have some connection to what was happening. So far he had come up empty though and he was running out of leads.

He had even, following some random whim, sent a message to Jacob Taylor and Miranda Lawson, asking them if they thought this was something Cerberus would be behind. He hadn't revealed any details beyond relaying that trainees from the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance facility were being targeted and disappearing but he suspected at least Miranda knew exactly why he was involved in the investigation. Not that it mattered since they both had responded that while it wasn't outside the realm of possibilities for Cerberus to go for, they didn't know of anything of the sort or felt like Cerberus was behind it. They agreed that it was too far removed from the issue of the Reapers for it to be given as much resources as it would take to round up and contain so many biotics.

While Kaidan accepted their opinions and tried to not get caught up in his feelings against Cerberus, he didn't completely dismiss this as a possibility. After all, Cerberus had already targeted the biotics at Grissom Academy. What was to say they wouldn't expand their focus even if that had been a strike against the Alliance more than anything?

Either way, they had a war to fight and if some idiots wanted to come after Kaidan and try to get him to join up with some cause then that was their problem. Kaidan knew who he was loyal to – always had – and he couldn't be bought.

Hackett had sent him a status report compiling all current information available of all potential targets. Only a handful had joined the Alliance and continued to use their abilities as they had initially been taught: as a weapon. And while most of those were fighting on Earth, they were all reporting in. Most others had simply pursued fields of interest having nothing to do with their status as a biotic. In other words, most of them hadn't continued to develop their biotic abilities like he had. And even without his biotics, he was a trained soldier, proficient in hand-to-hand combat, firearms, and battle tactics. His abilities as well as his mind had been honed for combat efficiency. While the lessons they had learned at BAaT had been designed by a soldier and meant for battle, if the biotic didn't continue to develop their control, they couldn't accomplish anything past Lift or Throws. Anything more than that held a significantly higher risk of tearing organics apart.

Major Kaidan Alenko was a biotic combat specialist. Anybody targeting him would have a fight on their hands and were more likely to fall than take him out.

No matter though, because at the end of the day Kaidan was stuck with another set of files taking up a portion of his work station that was staring back at him unsolved.

And it was that unsolved status that had given Shepard cause to keep from easing up on Kaidan. While the Commander hadn't gone so far as to not assign Kaidan to shore parties, there had been a few where he avoided giving orders that would send Kaidan too far from him. There had even been a few investigations – secondary scouting missions he would usually send Kaidan as the leader of the shore party – where he had still taken command and accompanied.

Kaidan had finally confronted Shepard about it, reminding him of the promise they had made each other when they had first gotten together three years ago: what was between them wouldn't affect their work. Shepard had somewhat backed off when Kaidan pointed out that he was acting like his partner instead of his Commander.

This brought them to the mission they were currently preparing to embark upon: an emergency signal had been sent from a colony in the Hades Cluster before communication failed and the colony went silent. It was greatly reminiscent of what had happened to colonies attacked by the Collectors, but there was no Reaper activity in that system that they could find in long-range scans. The mission had come through the Council to the two Spectres and they had headed that way at once, having just finished up with a few other assignments from Hackett concerning Cerberus.

Kaidan and Shepard were in the conference room, each with a datapad displaying mission details and figuring out final details before they arrived in under an hour to the planet.

"The colony isn't that big. A simple jamming device would get the blackout we're seeing. And the transmission doesn't give any indication that there were any explosions so the gear is likely still intact, just under someone else's control. It's more likely to be pirate or gang activity than anything to do with the Reapers," Kaidan mused as he looked over the readings from the signal that had been cut.

Shepard nodded agreement. "Tali or EDI make a good third member?" As the order had come from the Council to both of them, there was no question that Kaidan would be on the shore party.

Part of Kaidan wanted to point out that he could handle getting the comms back up but he also wouldn't mind not being designated to tech on this one. "Either one if you want me for any fighting. I can get comms up just as easily as they can so Garrus or Vega aren't out. Biotics shouldn't be too high of a priority on this one so we shouldn't really need Liara or Javik."

"You just don't want to deal with Javik if you don't have to," Shepard accused in jest.

The corner of Kaidan's mouth lifted slightly, "The guy spends half the time I'm around him insulting me for being a lowly human and the other half accusing me for being a biotic. Our ability to work together ends at me throwing a barrier over him so he doesn't lose his superior Prothean head."

Shepard let out a short chuckle before continuing. "Anyway, if biotics comes up as a necessity, you've got us more than covered on that front," Shepard responded and Kaidan glanced over to catch the smirk turning up the edges of Shepard's lips. Kaidan rolled his eyes and gave a slight shake of his head. Shepard seemed incapable of letting an opportunity to praise Kaidan pass him by, no matter what the situation was. And Kaidan knew his lover did it just to see if he could get the biotic even the tiniest bit flustered and blush even though he did believe what he said. Thankfully, Kaidan was getting somewhat used to his lover's manner of teasing him and he was more likely to get annoyed than he was embarrassed.

Though now he was concerned that Shepard would start dropping more suggestive and crass comments and Kaidan was pretty sure he would never get to the point of not turning red at those.

"We could always go for a four-man shore party."

Shepard scoffed at that. "Well that's not worth the paperwork," he replied to shoot down the idea. "We'll take EDI along on this one. She's been holed up on the Normandy for the last few missions and could use a chance to get out besides shore leave at the Citadel."

"Joker will be devastated," Kaidan quipped as he turned off his datapad and set it down on the table. "I'll let her and Cortez know to get ready for departure."

Kaidan straightened his posture and turned toward the door. He was halted though as Shepard's hand touched his right arm. Brown eyes looked over his shoulder to his lover. Shepard stepped in close to the biotic, his other hand coming around the back of Kaidan's head and pulled them together, Kaidan's shoulder pressed against Shepard's chest. Shepard leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kaidan's in a firm kiss. Kaidan's left hand lifted and took hold of Shepard's, which had come to rest of the biotic's cheek, their fingers intertwining automatically.

Once they separated their lips, Kaidan leaned forward enough to touch their foreheads together.

"Watch your back out there, Kaidan," Shepard said in a hushed tone.

"Stay safe, John," Kaidan replied in a similar manner.

It was a familiar exchange between them. Regardless of who was going planet-side, they would embrace and promise safety to each other. It wasn't done out of fear or doubt – they were both talented soldiers who were completely aware that every mission may be their last – but rather just a confirmation that they had something personally driving them to come back alive. They had something to fight and survive for: being with each other.

Kaidan took in a deep breath, his body relaxing at the familiar scent of his lover, before he placed one more kiss on the side of Shepard's mouth and pulled away. He left the conference room as he had intended and walked to the lift and took it down to the Shuttle Bay. After briefly talking with Cortez about the planet they were headed to, he got started on his final preparations for the mission: checking his armor and weapons before getting changed, and then met with the team at the shuttle just as they came into orbit of the planet.

They loaded onto the shuttle and were launched into the atmosphere as soon as they were settled. "Joker, what readings are you getting from the colony?" Shepard questioned as they made their approach.

"I'm already having trouble keeping our comms operational. You guys are going to be on your own on the colony," Joker's response came through their earpieces with interference already coming through.

"That's a powerful signal to be cutting us off from the Normandy already," Kaidan pointed out. "Keep scanning on all frequencies, Joker. We don't want to miss an extraction because you weren't watching the right comms."

"Are you going to let him talk to me like that, Commander?" Joker demanded in a faux offended tone.

"Of course I am. What else am I supposed to do when he pulls rank?" Shepard responded with a grin towards Kaidan.

"Go all Commander on him. Just because he can wave those pretty Major stripes in your face doesn't mean you have to take it."

"I don't need to go all Commander on him when I agree with the order. And even you admit you need to be ordered around every once in a while to remind you that you aren't actually in charge."

"Well that just sounds like a lot of work, keeping Joker's ego in check like that," Kaidan rejoined the conversation with a smirk. It was just impossible to let an opportunity to pick on Joker pass by.

"Our CO and second-in-command are assholes," Joker mused with a disbelieving sigh.

"Commander, we're making our final approach to the colony. We won't have comms with the Normandy for very much longer," Cortez relayed back from the cockpit.

"Stay nearby, Joker and be ready to make approach as soon as we restore communications," Shepard relayed final instructions before the comms cut out.

Kaidan stepped up next to Shepard. "Even short range comms are likely to be affected. We will probably lose contact with Cortez as well," the biotic pointed out. Shepard nodded slightly.

"Won't be the first time we've gone in blind without a sure way out. We'll be fine," Shepard responded. He turned to address both of his teammates. "Until comms are back up stay within sight and sound. We still don't know why the colony went silent and we should expect resistance."

The shuttle moved into position over a landing pad and the doors slid open, the three stepping out with ease, weapons drawn and alert.

"Cortez, stay close," Shepard called out to the Lieutenant before closing the hatch and they stepped away as the shuttle took off and moved further out to the perimeter of the colony, staying where he would be able to catch a visual call.

There was nothing particularly unique about the colony, the team moving through deserted housing structures as they made their way to the main facility where they would find the comm controls.

"Where is everyone?" Kaidan questioned in a hushed tone at some point. "There's signs of recent inhabitance but nothing indicating they left in a hurry."

"Life signs are present, however with the interference I am unable to pinpoint a location," EDI responded.

As they approached the facility, Kaidan allowed EDI and Shepard to get ahead of him, taking the rear position without being told. It gave him the best vantage point to catch a threat and bring up a barrier if needed. They had been in enough facilities like this so they were able to move through with reasonable confidence of where to find the communications room, finding and following a map after some time.

They took the elevator up to the top floor where the comm room was and it was in that assent that they came to their first signs of hostile forces: the radar on their omnitools showed interference. Raising their weapons to a more alert level, they crowded to the sides of the elevator as they arrived at the destination, Kaidan's body humming with biotics as he prepared to use Stasis immediately if there was any movement outside the elevator. The doors slid open and he looked around the corner of the doors before signaling the all clear and Shepard and EDI came out from their cover and moved forward.

They came to a large room, one full of servers and crates, not unusual for a floor dedicated to the functionality of a colony, and spread out a little more to remove the risk of being flanked. Kaidan moved left as Shepard remained in the center and EDI took the right. Kaidan's path took him along a wall lined with windows overlooking the colony and the landscape beyond.

He was about to check the windows for signs of threat when EDI called out a warning of enemies and Kaidan turned his focus back to where the AI was opening fire on the doors on the opposite side of the room from him.

"Damnit," the biotic exclaimed before he moved to get into position to fire on the forces flooding into the room. As he moved away from the window he heard a door across the room open as well and even more footfalls sounded. "Hostiles coming in the front," he called and turned his attention to that side, his position putting him closer to that threat than the other wall and took cover behind a large storage container and took a quick glance around the corner as the first attacker came into view. They were Batarians. Well-armed and pissed looking Batarians.

"Shepard!" one called out and that was all Kaidan needed to know that this was a hostile force, probably jammed the signal so that Shepard would be sent to investigate. While many Batarians had moved past wanting revenge on the Commander, there would always be ones holding on to grudges. Kaidan ducked out from his cover and fired several rounds, taking out three Batarians visible to him before their attention turned to him and he had to take cover again, the crate reverberating against his back from the impact of many bullets.

He listened for the familiar sound of EDI's heavy pistol and Shepard's semi-auto rifle to check their positions, noting that there was quite a bit of distance between where he was and them. He had probably moved further across the room than they had. He would have to close some of that distance if he was too keep them from being flanked. He kneeled and ducked out from his cover and took out a few more Batarians that had been moving up on him and took a quick view of the layout his enemy had to work with to get to him. His position wasn't bad, the crates set side by side all the way to the wall and high enough that they couldn't be climbed onto. Between him and the Batarians were other smaller crates and containers before they started into the servers which continued to the opposite wall.

Getting an idea more for sake of intimidation and getting the time he needed to get closer to Shepard and EDI, Kaidan stepped away from the container and his biotics flared around him as he activated a Lift on both ends of the container, only needing those points to pick the large container from the floor. Once it was levitating, he moved his hand back and used the biotic energy flowing around him to Throw the container at the Batarians. The thing responded as intended and surged across the floor toward the enemy.

Kaidan took a little joy out of the exclamations of surprise from those who had been advancing on him before turning to figure out if Shepard and EDI had moved. He was just turning to start closing distance when he heard the near Batarians calling out orders.

"It's the biotic. Take him out!"

That was different. A biotic in the fight didn't usually change tactics too much. He didn't have much time to think about it though as there was suddenly a wave of rounds coming at him from his right, where the container hadn't affected. He brought up a Barrier as he moved back towards the windows and ducked behind one of the smaller containers.

"Kaidan!" Shepard's voice called out to him.

"I'm alright!" he responded. He listened to the approaching footfalls and stepped out with a Singularity ready, shooting the ones who got caught up in it before moving closer to the windows. He would have a straight shot with cover to Shepard if he could get close to the walls.

He fired off a few more rounds on the Batarians still coming up on him, bullets impacting his Barrier constantly. The Barrier would be dissipated in only about ten more seconds so he moved back smoothly as he took a few more enemies out, ducking behind a crate right next to the window when he reached it, letting his Barrier subside and his vision readjusted to not having to focus past the distortion. He didn't need to pause, having learned long ago not to be distracted by the sight of his biotics between him and his targets. It just helped delay some pressure if he could afford to close his eyes through the adjustment. Opening his eyes after just a few seconds, he turned and ran along the windows to where he had started. He was in line with Shepard and EDI's position if the sounds of their firearms was accurate.

"On your six," he called his position to Shepard, knowing that neither of his teammates would miss his voice. All of the crew of the Normandy knew and could pick out each other's voices in any situation to the point of not even hearing any other voices.

He was about to turn to close the last remaining distance when he caught movement off to his right. Reacting on instinct, he brought up his Barrier again, the field surrounding him just in time to catch the round aimed for his chest. He retreated back toward the windows again and let out a quick curse as he caught sight of the rocket launcher now being aimed toward his position. He turned to retreat away from the blast zone – his barrier wouldn't keep him from being knocked around by the blast. He had only moved back a few steps when the blast hit the crate he was behind and it slammed into him, forcing him against the windows behind him. The impact was enough to disperse the biotics as well as his armor's kinetic barrier. He shook his head to try and get rid of the daze as he moved to stand, not allowing anything to keep him vulnerable for long.

He was about to regain his footing when he caught the flash of a second rocket being fired out of his peripherals and again let his biotics flare on instinct. Instead of a Barrier – that would only knock him back – he created a Stasis field in the space in the path of the rocket. However, there wasn't enough time for it to take form and the projectile blew on impact, the force again slamming into Kaidan.

But with the biotics added, there was an additional discharge which also slammed into Kaidan.

And the force was enough to crack the windows behind Kaidan, making them shatter when Kaidan hit them again. He didn't have the chance to even realize he was through the window to try and grab the frame or sill on the way out and then he was falling.

They had been about forty floors up and below was the shipping yards next to a bordering forest so he was heading either for shipping crates or concrete or metal as a landing.

Turning his body so he was facing the ground, an image of a levitating Asari came to mind and he knew what he would have to do and he didn't have much time to do it or mistime it. He focused his eyes on one point of the ground where he was obviously going to impact. His biotics activated around him and he aimed a Lift about what he guessed was ten feet above the ground. He hit the field and his momentum was greatly decreased in a way that wasn't sudden impact, and as the field dissipated from his impact, he positioned himself for a safe fall.

It was still rough though when he did hit the ground, the sudden impact with the concrete landing pad knocking the breath from him and he rolled a few times before coming to a stop a few feet away. He regained enough control to stop on his back so he could relax back and do a quick check for injuries.

He was probably going to be one big bruise once he was out of his armor - and wouldn't that just thrill John – but nothing immediately jumped out at him as a serious injury. He shifted his legs, then moved to his arms, wincing slightly when he tried to move his right arm. Probably dislocated from either the impact with the window or the ground by the feel of the pain. He could fix that easily enough and have Chakwas check it when he returned to the Normandy. He took in a deep breath and while his chest was sore, nothing appeared broken and he at last moved to sit up, circling out his neck. He winced at a sudden pull on the back of his neck and reached his hand to touch the point of tension and winced at the sharp pain from the contact.

Bringing his hand in front of him, his eyes narrowed at the blood staining his armor. He must have cut it when he went through the window.

Shit that was close to his port.

He stood easily and moved out of the open, just in case there were enemies around watching for people to come flying out windows, he kneeled down next to one of the crates. Releasing the lock on his gauntlet, he brought his bared fingers to his neck and felt at the cut. He went first for the site of his port, concealed just within his hairline and let out a sigh of relief when he felt no break in the skin there. A damaged port would very likely mean surgery and any surgery meant a possible increase in complications with the L2 implant.

But he wasn't in the clear yet. He found the top of the cut, more a gash by the depth, and took in a deep breath as be pressed against it and followed the length of it. After all, his implant wasn't the only concern for damage: his amps and the lead between them and his implant were all subdermal and ran along his spine just beneath the skin, right where the gash was.

And the gash ran across where the lead was and he could feel where the line was split, if not completely severed.

So most of his biotics were out until they got back to the Normandy, if not the Citadel.

He was surprised the Lift had formed as well as it had without him consciously compensating for the damage to the lead. Either the lead hadn't separated yet or it came down to how it was one of the easier skills and didn't take much biotic talent – and it had been the first thing he learned even before he had an implant so it took no effort for him to execute - to pull off but did explain why it had dispersed like it had when he had impacted it.

Pulling his fingers away, he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out an adhesive gauze. He wouldn't bother with medi-gel on this one but he had to keep it clean or risk infection of the sensitive area. Reaching back into the pocket for some antibiotics, he cleansed the area and pressed the gauze into place.

He reached for his gauntlet and was about to pull it back on when he remembered that his right arm was still in need of attention. He sighed at the thought of having to set his shoulder while in armor but if he wanted to be able to use his arm then it had to be done.

And it would have been worse if it had been the heavier blue armor he had been given when he was promoted to Major instead of the light armor he had acquired when he returned to the Normandy.

He took in a few deep breaths as he started feeling around the shoulder joint to determine what way he needed to knock it to put it back in place, feeling appropriately grateful to be a trained field medic. Determining quickly that he had to snap the joint backward he turned around and faced the crate, lining his shoulder up with the corner before ramming into it. He grit his teeth to keep from exclaiming from the impact as he felt at the joint. Letting out a curse as he realized he would have to do it again, he repositioned and tried again.

It took him four tries to actually get enough force into the impact to get through the armor and his thermal padding to finally hear the crack of the joint settling back into place and the relief spread down his arm. It would hurt to use it until Chakwas gave it a thorough check but at least he could move it now.

But now that he was taken care of, he needed to figure out how to regroup with Shepard, or at least flag down Cortez and get off the ground. He was in an exposed position, his biotics were out, and he'd lost his weapons in the process of getting blown out a window.

Though surviving a fall from the fortieth floor with nothing but a gash on the neck and a dislocated shoulder to show for it could probably contend with some of the shit Shepard had survived.

Sometimes Kaidan hated when the darker side of his humor made an appearance.

He pulled his gauntlet back on and then touched his fingers against the transmitter on his ear, activating the comm and hoping Shepard had been able to push through the Batarians and take care of whatever was jamming up the signals, switching through the channels after each failed attempt to make contact. "Alenko to Normandy. Can you hear me Joker? Cortez? Shepard?"

Quiet interference was his only answer and he sighed. Well, so much for the easy way out. He pulled up his omnitool and figured out his location. They had pretty much made their way to the opposite side of the facility so he would have to work his way back to get to where Cortez would be able to get a visual on him. He figured that would be the best course instead of trying to get to Shepard, especially when he wasn't armed.

Plotting out his route quickly, he stood and started back toward the facility. But just as he started to move across the open area, he heard doors opening and turned back toward his cover, ducking out of sight again behind the crates. He looked around carefully, and then retreated again when he saw about half a dozen humans emerge with weapons raised and scanning the area.

"He's here somewhere," one of them called out. "The Batarians said he was knocked out the windows along the western wall."

"Damn morons, how do they figure blowing him out a window is delivering him alive?" another snapped.

Well that cleared things up. This was a trap to get him planet-side and that could only mean he was done waiting. These guys had used the Batarians, probably with the promise of delivering Shepard so they could get Kaidan. Not too bad of a plan. They were as clever as Kaidan had been giving them credit for.

But they had been stupid enough to just outright say that they wanted him alive – confirming that they weren't killing the ones they captured – when they came into the area where he was supposed to be located. He knew there was a difference between the foot soldiers and those in charge and these were obviously the former.

Kaidan was done waiting. It was his turn to take a risk and test just how smart these guys were and bring an end to whatever they were trying to accomplish.

He activated his omnitool and typed up a message quickly, entering Joker as the recipient and setting it to continue retrying to send until it went through to make sure the pilot received it, then typed a second one out to Shepard.

He knew what he was asking Shepard to do would be difficult and would need something to remind him that Kaidan was acting as the man who had been put in charge of a Spec Ops division and had everything he needed to follow through on what he was planning.

Once the messages were complete, he removed the omnitool from his wrist and he slid it between two of the crates to conceal it. The Normandy would first try to track the device to locate him once the jamming device was down. These guys would certainly take it away and he liked this omnitool so might as well guarantee that he would get it back.

The men were getting close now, fanning out in a well-organized search pattern. He could hear one move closer to him and he shifted position so he could attack once the man came into view.

A few tense seconds later, the barrel of a rifle came into view a few feet away from the crate and Kaidan left his cover, grabbing hold of the muzzle and pushing it away, feeling the heat the weapon firing as he aimed a hook for the man's face, knocking him off his feet and to the ground as Kaidan kept a grip on the weapon. He shifted his hold smoothly and pressed the butt of the rifle against his shoulder and fire at the man he had just struck as he had been scrambling to stand.

Instead of a regular round though, the bullet burst on impact and a gas released, the man falling unconscious quickly. Smart move as biotic and kinetic barriers didn't protect people from breathing. Oh well, unconscious wasn't a threat and ensured he was right. He turned his weapon on the nearest target and fired off a few rounds, all hitting and another fell. But just as he was shifting to fire on a third before the man was able to turn on him, he felt the impact of a round hit his shoulder and he felt his body go numb at once as he inhaled.

The weapon fell from his grasp and everything went black.


	6. Separated

**Story:** A Touch of the Past **  
Chapter:** 6/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Facing the unknown…

 **Chapter 6: Separated**

Shepard couldn't focus. Commander John Shepard, N7 soldier, survivor of Akuze, first human Spectre, and the one who defeated Saren, Sovereign, and the Collectors couldn't focus on a fight. Sure, he was holding his own and was actually gaining ground, but he was making mistakes. It was only his kinetic shields, EDI, and his turrets which kept him from getting hurt.

But how could he not be distracted when he knew one of his teammates had gotten thrown out the window and had no way of even knowing if they were okay or not? Even worse, it was Kaidan that had been thrown.

"Negative enemy contacts, Commander," EDI's voice cut through the haze of his concern and Shepard stood and ran toward the window.

He activated his transmitter and called out "Kaidan!" hoping as much that Kaidan wouldn't even need the transmitter to hear him as he was to be able to hear his voice right in his ear telling him he was alright. As the interference rang through his ear, he reached the sill and leaned out to be faced with nothing but a forty story drop and not enough clearance to get a good view of the ground below. "EDI, get communications up and running at once. We need Cortez on this side of the facility and Joker scanning for Kaidan."

"Yes, Commander," EDI replied as she left the room toward their initial destination. He leaned his hands against the ledge and waited for the sound of interference to pass.

He had just gotten Kaidan back. He wasn't going to lose him now.

Seemingly endless moments passed before EDI's voice sounded through his receiver. "All communication online, Commander."

"Cortez, get to the west side of the facility. Search the landing docks for Kaidan. We lost him out the window during the fight."

"You got it Commander," the Lieutenant replied.

"Kaidan, can you hear me?" Nothing. "Kaidan, come in." The silence continued as EDI walked up next to him.

"Joker, do you read?" EDI asked through the comms even though she didn't need to, likely to make sure Shepard knew she was already talking with the Normandy.

"Loud and clear," Joker responded immediately.

"What readings do you have on Major Alenko?"

There was a short pause as Joker would have to switch to the correct display. "I'm picking him up right outside the facility, ground level."

Shepard turned toward the elevator and took off, EDI following behind. As they descended to ground level, Cortez's voice sounded over their comms. "Commander, I have no visual on the Major. I'll make another pass, but there's no sign of him."

Shepard knew it was unlikely, but he had to ask, "We may have gotten turned around in there. Have you checked other sides of the facility?"

"You didn't get turned around. I saw the broken window and where it all ended up on the landing pad. But Alenko isn't there."

Shepard tried to figure out if Kaidan was alright or not. There was no body but Joker was picking up readings from where he had to have landed. The doors of the elevator opened and Shepard ran out with EDI and moved through the halls to the exit on that side of the facility. They emerged, seeing the spray of shattered glass on the concrete. But there were no signs of blood or a hard impact.

So what had happened?

"Kaidan's signal is coming from about thirty yards to your left," Joker instructed. Shepard turned that direction and moved quickly across the short clearing, approaching a crate. He looked around the object to see nothing.

"There's nothing here, Joker," he said, somewhat harshly.

"Well, then look for why I'm picking up his omnitool there if that's not where he is," Joker snapped right back. Shepard used his friend's harsh tone to focus him in and remind him that he wasn't helping anything by being an ass.

He walked closer to the crate, glancing over his shoulder when he heard the hum of the shuttle approach and land nearby. He looked around for anything and was about to give up and head for the shuttle when his eyes caught sight of something wedged between two of the crates. He approached and recognized Kaidan's omnitool. He shot forward and worked the object free turning it over in his hands, checking for damage. It didn't appear to have taken any impact and when he activated the display, everything came up clear and in perfect working order, though Kaidan's security protocols were activated.

"Commander, you better get back to the Normandy," Joker suddenly said.

"What is it Joker?" he responded as he turned toward the shuttle and slid the omnitool into one of his supply packs.

"Just get up here. You should see it for yourself."

It had to be about Kaidan; Joker wouldn't call him away like this if it wasn't. Shepard stepped aboard the shuttle and strapped in with EDI right behind him. "You heard him, Cortez. Get us back to the Normandy."

"Yes, sir."

"Commander, did you discover why Major Alenko's signal was indicating his location to be in the landing field?" EDI asked as they took off and headed for the low orbit the Normandy was in.

"His omnitool was between some of those crates." Shepard answered, fighting the urge to pull it out and check it over again, to just make sure that it was Kaidan's. But he knew better, knew the model had always been Kaidan's preference and he'd had the same one since before Mars and Shepard had seen it too many nights on his bedside table to mistake it now.

"Can you access its records to see if it holds any data of what has happened to the Major?"

Shepard let out a wry laugh, to which EDI appeared as though she was going to ask him to clarify what he meant. "He has it pretty well encrypted and activated his security. Claims habits from being an Intel officer never quite passed."

"I am certain I would be capable of breaking his encryption."

"I'm sure you could break his encryptions, but probably not the extra security. The last layer of both fries the processor and data stores. He updated his security on it with countering you in mind. Once he tested it he was going to see if you would apply it to our systems and files." The whole clone fiasco had planted the idea.

"Docking with the Normandy now, Commander," Cortez reported and they stood as the shuttle touched down and the three departed from the shuttle as soon as the doors were open, heading at once for the elevator.

"Joker, we're heading to the bridge," Shepard reported.

"Ready for you. I already called the rest of the crew up."

The rest of the ride was made in tense silence. Once they reached the CIC, they all filed out and made their way to where Joker was waiting with his chair turned around, with Garrus, Tali, Liara, Javik, and Vega gathered around off to the sides. The air between them all was tense, nearly palpable.

"What do you have for me, Joker?" Shepard asked, making sure he didn't take on a harsh tone with someone who didn't deserve it.

"I received a message from Kaidan shortly after comms were up. He had to have sent it right after he went out the window and set it to retry until it delivered." Joker handed over a datapad and Shepard took it, then looked over the brief message.

 _I'm alright. Mission was a trap set for Spectres. I'm looking deeper into the BAaT reports. Give me 36 hours then track me. John will know how._

Shepard read over it once, then read it aloud to the rest of the crew.

They were all silent for a few moments before Garrus spoke, "What does he mean by BAaT?"

Shepard hesitated to answer: it wasn't his right to talk about this without Kaidan. But this wasn't just about him now because the crew of the Normandy looked after their own.

"It was the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training program, pretty much the first we had for human biotics. It was set up before we really knew what to do with them though. Kaidan's first training was there."

"I have heard that those programs were not well organized," Liara commented, having been curious enough about biotic training facilities after the mission to Grissom Academy to research them further.

"No, they weren't. The Alliance didn't want to turn to the Council for help and seem weak so they went freelance on instructors. Had a Turian come in who didn't really approve of humans. Something happened and Kaidan killed him, got the program shut down."

A few of his friends appeared surprised at the claim and Shepard didn't really blame them: without knowing more details, it seemed really out of character for Kaidan. But Garrus then nodded in acceptance and crossed his arms over his chest. "And the reports that he's talking about?"

"A few months ago, someone hacked and stole the Alliance reports of the investigation into what happened with the program. Admiral Hackett brought Kaidan into the investigation of the theft because of his time as an Intel officer. Kaidan worked out that whoever did it was after the students."

"Then he has been captured by someone targeting those who attended BAaT training?" Liara confirmed what was being said.

"Looks like it," Shepard replied, crossing his arms stiffly.

"It appears as though he knew what he was doing," Tali commented, her voice heavy with concern.

"They had to have a transport nearby to secure and get him out of there between the time he was thrown out that window and when you got comms up again," Joker commented, seeming to just be speaking his thoughts.

"Ghost seems to know what he's doing," Vega threw out. While Shepard didn't usually mind the nicknames James decided to place on people, he didn't need to hear that name right now. It didn't even matter that James had explained his reasoning behind it as a combination of how Kaidan looked when using his biotics, kind of ethereal – James' term – and his position heading a Spec Ops division. He just didn't want to think of why things would be called "ghosts" when he didn't know what had happened to his lover. "He asked for time and even gave us something on the mission. He obviously knows more than we do, proved that by giving us the reason for the colony being cut off."

"He said that it was a trap for Spectres," Garrus said thoughtfully. "Did he mean they were targeting you as well, Shepard?"

"There were Batarians in the facility calling me out. They must have offered the Batarians me if they could get Kaidan out of the deal." Shepard felt his chest constrict at his own words. "They must have figured out what sort of missions the Council would send to us and set one up to draw us out. We took out the Batarians and the other guys got what they wanted." He ran a hand over his scalp in his frustration.

"So did Kaidan by the looks of it," Vega commented.

Just as Shepard turned to rip into the Lieutenant, Liara stepped toward him and placed her hand on his arm.

"Shepard, Vega is not wrong. I understand that you are concerned for Kaidan, as we all are, but we must look at the situation as it stands. Kaidan knew what he was doing. That he was able to send the message through to Joker is proof enough of that. He is good at what he does and will accomplish what he has set out to do. We must do our part and ensure we are prepared to offer him aid when he needs it. He said you would know how to track him without his omnitool."

Shepard's mind raced, trying to figure out what Kaidan had meant. They all used their omnitools to track each other as EDI and Tali had worked together to make transmitters calibrated specifically to each teammate uniquely and the Normandy's systems. They all relied on that to keep track of each other and hadn't needed anything else. He looked down at the datapad still in his grasp and read through the last sentence one more time.

 _John will know how._

That Kaidan had called him "John" in a message to someone else was strange. He had always reserved using Shepard's first name to moments of affection or high emotion when he wanted Shepard to really pay attention to him. So what did he want him to pay attention to in this? Unless he was calling attention to something Shepard had done in affection.

Wait, of course.

"My dog tag. The N7 tags have a low tech tracking device in them." And how Kaidan had known about that was beyond Shepard. It wasn't like it was announced that the tracker was there and Shepard hadn't mentioned it as far as he could remember.

"And Kaidan has them?" Tali asked.

"He has one of them, yes. And I have one of his."

Shepard had switched them out on a whim shortly after they had gotten together again, taking advantage of how Kaidan slept somewhat deeper when he was with Shepard. Not really thinking about what he was doing and what it meant to Kaidan, only knowing what it meant for him, he had worked the chain from around Kaidan's neck and switched out one of his tags for Kaidan's and returned it to the sleeping man. He had stayed awake for a long time afterwards just turning over the tag in his hands, looking between the Alliance insignia on one side and the engraving of "Major Alenko, Kaidan" along with his military ID number on the other.

He hadn't told Kaidan that he had done it the next morning, but the biotic had walked out of the bathroom after showering with a serene expression and had kissed Shepard deeply. Then he had proceeded to mention how lucky Shepard was that he hadn't tried that three years ago.

"Wouldn't have been such a good thing?" Shepard had responded, somewhat concerned though he tried to hide it with a humored tone.

"No, it would have been a good thing then. Except I used to keep my amp on the chain for my tags. Nothing makes for one hell of a migraine like pulling on the line to the port."

And that was when Shepard had learned how Kaidan positioned his amps and leads to his implant's port. He hadn't put much thought into it before, not really ever putting much thought into how Kaidan being a biotic made him different. Instead of keeping his amp exposed, and his port for that matter, Kaidan had asked for them to be placed under his skin to reduce the risk of damage and infection while in combat. It allowed him to not have to worry as much about the port site either and he could focus all his attention on whatever he was doing.

Shepard pulled himself from his thoughts and reached under his armor and thermal suit to pull the chain holding his dog tags over his head and handed it over to EDI. "Get the signal from that one and find him."

EDI took the chain from him and walked over to the co-pilot seat and started working through screens.

"And the 36 hours he asked for?" Joker asked, though it sounded more like a challenge.

"Just get a location on him. I'll give orders then."

Without waiting for anybody else to speak, Shepard turned and left the bridge, moving past everyone with no intention of engaging in conversation. He would just snap at them anyway and nobody needed that.

He walked past the galaxy map and was heading toward the elevator when Traynor called out to him. "Commander, you received a message on your personal terminal. It came in just before you returned to the ship."

He hesitated in going to his terminal. Honestly, it didn't matter who it was from: he had one priority right now and nothing would distract him from it. But he also knew that there was too much riding on him to not acknowledge any communications sent to him, especially if it came in through his personal contact.

Turning toward his personal terminal, he activated the screen and accessed his messages. His breath caught in his throat as he saw who the sender of the unread message was.

 _Kaidan Alenko._

It wasn't the same message as he had seen already, knowing that Joker had been the only recipient of that communication. He selected the message and felt his chest tighten beyond the ability to breathe as he read the short message.

 _This is what I need to do. Be there when I get back._

Shepard wished he had waited until he was in his cabin before reading the message. He felt his control slipping further away from him as he read over the line over and over again. He set his hands on either side of his terminal and relaxed his weight forward, his mind rushing in memory of what Kaidan had told him those weeks ago about how Shepard could just be there and give him everything he needed, remembered what his lover had told him the night before Ilos about how he made Kaidan feel human.

Thinking over the other message Kaidan had sent to Joker, he looked at it in the light that the others were trying to get him to see: as a fellow crewmate who knew what Kaidan was capable of.

He started by letting them know he was alright. If it was just the day-to-day with the crew, Shepard would dismiss that since Kaidan had at numerous times told everyone – including Chakwas – that he was alright when he was moments away from passing out from the pain of a migraine because to Kaidan the pain was a part of his life and it wasn't a big deal. But while on missions, Kaidan didn't do anything to risk the mission like lying about injuries would. Sure, he'd still lie about pain from his implant but not an injury.

Then he had passed on the intel that would matter to what they had just done as well as what he was about to do. He gave Shepard the knowledge he had somehow acquired which would be conveyed to the Council as a mission completed, along with the knowledge that it had all been to get to the Spectres the Council had assigned to the investigation. He had done his job to the last possible moment, which is what made him a damn good Spectre and Major.

Only then had he allowed it to become more personal, outright saying that it was whoever was involved with the BAaT report thefts. He could have put it differently and Shepard would have still understood what he had meant, familiar as they were with each other. Instead, he had put things as bluntly as possible, opening the door for the others to really know what was going on. Shepard nearly cussed himself out for missing that the first time: by mentioning BAaT outright like he had, Kaidan had given Shepard permission to reveal anything he had to for the sake of what he was asking of them.

And asking for a 36 hour time window…Kaidan could get a lot done in that amount of time. He could take in a massive amount of information and retain it for use later. If he was looking for answers, he would get them and so much more in the time he had requested of them. Knowing Kaidan's resourcefulness, he probably wouldn't even need them to really interfere, just be ready to pick him up. And he had given them exactly what they needed to do just that. Reminded him that Shepard had given him a secondary means of tracking him down because his captors would have taken his omnitool from him and probably wouldn't have taken it with them.

Shit, how could Kaidan convey so much – at least to Shepard - with just a few sentences? And while he had sent the message to Joker, it was obvious that he had intended for Shepard to be there to interpret all this as well. He'd probably only sent it to Joker as a way to make sure Shepard was able to make the right choices in any rescue mission by having to run it through at least two other people: Joker and EDI.

"I promised every time," he whispered before raising his voice. "Joker, EDI, once you have a lock on Kaidan, get us as much intel as you can and keep us in position to get in there the minute 36 hours are up. We have to trust that Kaidan knows what he's asking for and that he'll be ready for us to pick him up."

"You got it, Commander," Joker responded. "Should I contact the Council?" Shepard should give his report of what had happened on the planet and what was going on with one of the Spectres.

"Not now, Joker. I need some time before I talk to the Council," his voice sounded more tired than he would normally allow.

"Understood. We've got it for now, Shepard. Do what you need to do."

That was unusually kind of the helmsman and Shepard looked toward the bridge, realizing that his friends were gathered across the room, looking at him with soothing expressions. They all understood why he was acting the way he was and they didn't blame him. These were his friends, just like they were Kaidan's friends and they would be there to help get him back safely.

The Commander straightened his posture and looked toward his crew. "Kaidan knew he was in danger from these guys. When Hackett approached him with the risk he was in with BAaT trainees being targeted, Kaidan told him something I think I only just really understood. Go after a Spectre, you deal with the Council. Go after a Major of the Alliance and you get to deal with the Alliance. Go after someone serving on the Normandy, you get Shepard and his crew coming after your ass." He paused briefly before a smirk lifted the corners of his lips. "I'll make the report to Hackett and the Council, but they won't need to get involved. The Alliance and the Council would just get in the way with this one. We're all that's needed to make this point: you don't screw with one of us and get out of it alive."

The grins he received in response were enough to make him want to amend his previous statement ever so slightly: it was Shepard and his crazy ass crew they had to worry about now.

And Kaidan was part of that crew and would be returned in just under 36 hours.


	7. Prisoner

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 7/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Spectre Alenko goes to work…  
 **A/N:** From this chapter on, I acquired the assistance of a beta.

 **Chapter 7: Prisoner**

Sometimes Kaidan really hated being right: he was damn sore.

Being awake for a few minutes, Kaidan could confidently say that the drug hadn't left him with any side effects, the grogginess passing quickly. That was a relief as Kaidan was concerned that whatever they used to knock him out would keep him lethargic to keep him under control. His hands were cuffed together, but that was extent of the restraints. He wasn't too surprised, though, as the use of biotics were connected to physiological motions, especially with the hands and arms, and not having full range of motion could really throw a lot of users off enough to not be able to execute abilities.

He wasn't an exception in this, but he could accomplish more than most other human biotics. He'd trained with Asari – the best at biotic manipulation – willing to work with a human biotic to the extent he requested enough to work around it, having picked up some alternate motions to connect to his abilities. He liked finding control wherever he could.

Not that the more complex biotics were even an option to him right now. Taking care of that was a priority or he couldn't ensure an exit strategy.

He had been stripped of his armor unsurprisingly, left in his thermal under suit, though there was a change of clothes folded up next to the door. Did they really expect him to take anything they had to offer like that? Even if his thermal suit had been damaged at all, he would take it over anything they gave him. At least he still had some protection with the material that was meant to keep armor from cutting into him.

He allowed the thought of hoping he would be able to find what they had taken from him on the way out of this place; he liked that armor and had gotten everything set just the way he needed and liked for missions.

But now he was in the midst of going through a quick medical review on himself, making sure that he hadn't gained any concerns since the fall from the window. His shoulder was extremely stiff but he had definitely set it right. His neck felt like it was burning and he couldn't feel the gauze he had placed there so his captors had likely already checked him for an attached amps. They hadn't checked closely enough though – just focusing on the area revealed his amp to still be in place under the skin – and he wondered if the ones who checked him had assumed he'd gone the way of so many other BAaT students and had forsaken biotics, making them not look close enough after not seeing an obvious amp. He also couldn't feel any numbness so they likely hadn't applied any medi-gel. Other than that, he could feel the stiffness of his body from the fall and would bet money that his chest was a wonderful collection of colorful bruises, but that was all he could find.

He was now ready to start taking in his surroundings. He was in a cell, solid walls on three sides except for the door, which was barred and exposed to a narrow hall, another cell across from him. Kaidan walked and looked over the door, smirking when he realized that the door was secured with a low-tech electric panel. He could hack that even without his omnitool no problem when the time came.

Extending his focus to actually look out into the hallway, he saw a long line of cell doors stretching to his right. There were a few more to his left, but he was close to the access door to this area. There was no way of telling if any of the other cells besides the one directly across from him were occupied.

"Hey, anyone there?" he called out, checking the access door for a response from anyone on that side of the equation.

"You the one they just brought in?" a male's voice responded, sounding to be directly next to him.

"Yeah. You know how long I was out?" Kaidan needed to know what time he had left to work with before Shepard would be barging into the compound. He'd likely need that distraction to actually get out of here.

"That stuff they give us lasts about twelve hours. Long enough for them to get us here and inspected."

That wasn't too much time lost then. That was good.

"You make eighteen."

That was more than Hackett had reported to be missing.

"Who are these guys?" Kaidan asked, figuring that as long as the guy didn't bring up identity, he wouldn't either. He knew some of the students didn't like what he had done for a variety of reasons and didn't want to risk finding one of them right off the bat.

"Some organization wanting to put together a human biotic army to strike back for all the discrimination against us."

"And they thought we would be a good place to start?"

"Apparently."

"As if the Reapers weren't enough, they want to start some pointless war between humans and biotics."

"Between humans and human biotics. They want nothing to do with other races."

"How are they trying to convince us of this?"

"So far it's been isolation except for hours of brain-numbing questioning of why I don't hate humans after all they've put me through."

"Seems inefficient," Kaidan muttered before he could catch himself. There had to be more to the process than what he was being told now.

He was about to press the conversation further when the access door opened and four men walked into view with a woman secured between them, obviously another captive, who they threw into the cell across from Kaidan. Three of them left then as the last one turned around and looked at Kaidan.

He dressed rich, the suit he was wearing pristine and irritating in how it screamed that other people did the dirty work for this man. He was slender and tall, standing at least four inches taller than Kaidan. His light brown hair was well-kept and styled carefully, brushing across the man's forehead over dark blue eyes. His features were sharp, giving him an impression of harshness that Kaidan couldn't yet determine if it was something to look out for or just a show.

When he spoke, his voice was smooth and conveyed warmth that was obviously rehearsed, insincere. "It is such a pleasure to meet you, Kaidan Alenko. My name is Vincent Kami and I am the head of the Kami Organization."

Kaidan scoffed as he shifted his weight over to one leg, wanting to cross his arms. "Please tell me you didn't chose that name and are just trying to live up to being 'god'." The man's eye twitched ever so slightly. It wasn't outright anger, more like surprised irritation. So not a button Kaidan could push at.

"You are familiar with Japanese?"

"Hardly, just well-travelled and get bored easily if I don't stay amused. Random knowledge helps."

"I see. I apologize for the harsh living arrangements but they are only temporary. Once you are committed to the cause, you will be allowed better accommodations."

Wow, this man's condescending ego was on par with Javik. Kaidan actually half expected the man to call him a primitive.

"I've got enough going on. I don't need another cause."

"You will see the value in what I offer, especially with your history."

Kaidan's stomach rolled at the cold manner Kami spoke in, knowing that he was talking about what Kaidan had done at BAaT. He might even be making false connections between that and Kaidan becoming a marine. "Cut the crap. What am I doing here? I would've taken a request to meet through message just as easily."

The man smiled, the expression cold and unsettling. And Kaidan had come face-to-face with Reapers, so that was an accomplishment for a human.

"Do you have any idea how difficult it was to locate you?"

"I'd hope it'd be quite difficult considering my position."

"Yes, you have done well for yourself. Aren't you the first biotic to reach the rank of Major in the Alliance?" Kaidan remained silent. "Second human Spectre is quite the accomplishment. With that, the Council says you are the best of the best. And we know that you don't shy away from doing the right thing, killing Udina like you did." Kaidan fought the urge to lower his eyes at that reminder. He knew what he'd done those months ago had been the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any easier to live with having pulled the trigger. "You will be a powerful asset in our movement against the humans."

"What movement? What am I doing here?" Kaidan repeated, stepping closer to the cell door.

"We must take our place above the humans. You will help bring together all of our kind and we will show those undeveloped humans why we are superior."

Now Kami was reminding Kaidan of the Illusive Man, both having their agenda supposedly supporting a single race but not caring how they affected the people they got caught up in it. They cared about control in a completely different way than Kaidan did: Kaidan only worried about controlling the only thing he could – himself – while they tried to control everything else. But unlike the Illusive Man, Kami had it out for humans and seemed to want to make human biotics into something other than humans. It was insane in a stupid way.

"Are you serious?" he asked incredulously after a few silent moments.

"Of course, Kaidan. It's what we are meant for."

The way Kami called his name turned Kaidan's stomach, how he seemed to be trying to bend the Major to his will by just using his name. And Kaidan wasn't used to hearing his name from anybody other than his crew. It was always his rank or last name, as was usual for military. But Kami saying it: it was manipulation, a way to talk down to him.

Control. And that just irritated Kaidan, but he kept hold of his neutral demeanor. He wouldn't give Kami anything.

"Yeah, that isn't happening. I don't know what made you think otherwise, but being a biotic doesn't mean you aren't human."

"They want us to believe that. Why else would you be trained as weapons as you were? Weapons can only be wielded, they cannot say who they strike down. This is the human's delusion of biotics: that you are meant only to be used. If they can keep you deluded as to what you truly are, they will remain in power. But they have none. Biotics are evolution and evolution can only move forward. Humans are now the weak."

Kaidan swore the man was getting more insane as the moments passed. Could this really be the guy calling the shots? It wouldn't be the first time, but crazy past a certain point stopped being effective.

"I really don't care what you believe. I'm a human and I won't help you kill other humans. Maybe the next time you decide to recruit, you should go for those willing to buy into your cause."

Kami gave a cold smile and quickly closed the remaining distance to the cell door and reached out to press his hand against the back of Kaidan's neck where the skin was parted, blood quickly starting to flow anew down Kaidan's neck as any scabbing was torn away. The man then used the grip to pull Kaidan against the bars. Kaidan was able to extend his arms in front of him enough that he kept his head from hitting the metal, but he still gritted his teeth at the sting of his wound being attacked like that.

As he tried to push away, trying to escape the rise of throbbing in his head, his eyes caught glimpse of something he could use. His gaze lifted to look into Kami's eyes.

"Let me go," Kaidan ordered, his voice naturally taking on the tone he used when in command.

"You are used to being in control, aren't you Kaidan? Your rank proves that much. But you won't be in control anymore. You may have no need for your biotics, but I do. And I get what I want."

Kaidan was nearly distracted by his confusion, but pushed it aside for now. He had work to do.

"Not this time."

Kaidan reached out between the bars, adjusting his hands automatically to allow the cuffs to not get caught, and grabbed onto the pristine suit and tie and yanked Kami against the bars. He felt the satisfying slam of the man's face against the bars and was even more satisfied to see the skin over Kami's brow split and start to bleed.

Kami released Kaidan's neck and stumbled back. Kaidan stepped back as well, preparing for the man to call out for guards or someone to come and beat the shit out of his attacker. He didn't though and simply collected himself before focusing on Kaidan again, though fury still clung to his gaze.

"Everyone breaks, Kaidan. You will break. And I will be the one to make you. Then you will beg for vengeance against those humans who put you here."

The man walked away, acting as though he wasn't bleeding profusely from a head wound.

Once the door closed behind Kami, Kaidan let out a heavy sigh and leaned against one of the walls of his cell.

Thirty-six hours might have been too much. Sure, he didn't have many answers, but he had enough to shut the place down and give him trouble sleeping for a few more nights.

Kami was dangerous and for some reason he actually believed he had some sort of claim on Kaidan – and likely anyone else he brought here – just because he was a biotic.

And what was that about Kaidan not having a use for his biotics? He used them pretty much on a daily basis. Did he really not realize that Kaidan's access port was healed over because the lead and amp were subdermal or did he just assume that Kaidan didn't want to use his biotics like so many other BAaT brats?

It was only kind of a moot point though as Kaidan had gotten what he needed to hopefully regain access to his full biotic abilities. He looked down at his hand and opened it to see the tie pin that he had managed to pull off Kami's suit. It would come in handy in hacking the lock but he could put it to use on finding a way to work the separated ends of the lead loose enough to connect his amp back to his implant.

"Kaidan?" a soft voice called from the cell opposite him and Kaidan turned to see who was calling out to him.

Through the bars of his cell and the bars of the other cell, Kaidan's breath caught as he recognized the face of the woman they had thrown in there.

"Rahna?" he whispered.

What was she doing here? The latest reports Hackett had sent a few days ago had said that Rahna was safe, working out of colonies in the Gamma System as a counselor for people affected by the war. She had been reporting to work as usual every day and there wasn't any indication of anything out of the ordinary.

Shit, this was getting out of hand. He didn't think Rahna had been taken specifically for the sake of gaining his compliance, especially since they had parted on less than cordial terms, but it would be an effective tactic.

He was already reevaluating his options just knowing that Rahna was here.

"How long have you been here?" he asked, his voice still breathy with emotion.

"A few days. They came for me as I was heading home. What is going on, Kaidan?"

The man he had first talked to in the next cell over broke back into the conversation. "Wait, you're Alenko? The one who killed Vyrnnus?" the voice was perplexed. He must have been someone who hadn't trained with Kaidan while at BAaT.

He had learned as he was being escorted from Jump Zero that while he didn't know all the people who had trained at BAaT, every single one of them knew his name on their way out.

He let out a sigh and leaned his forehead against the bars, the metal cooling his flaring headache. "Yeah, I did that."

And it had scared him off of really accepting and using his biotics until three years ago. Now he was one of the most recognized and talented biotics in the Alliance, training others unlike he had been.

"Great, one of the strongest trainees we had at brain camp and he pussed out of doing something with his biotics," the man groused.

Kaidan glanced around the cells and halls quickly, looking for any indication that they were being recorded. He caught sight of a few small cameras along the walls of the hallway, but they didn't appear to be ones that had mics. Again with the low tech equipment. Still, he lowered his voice to a volume that wasn't likely to be picked up by anything on those cameras.

"They obviously don't have as much information as they should on me. I still have my amp. I just need time to get it reconnected to my implant."

"How do you still have your amp?" Rahna asked, following his lead and lowering her voice.

"They didn't know where to look, but the lead was severed when I was captured. Give me some time and I'll get us out. Even if I can't get my amp going again, I have our way out."

"How?"

"I'm an officer with the Alliance."

"Like that means jack shit. The Alliance is the reason we were sent off to BAaT in the first place. They don't care about us."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "What's your name?" he asked.

There was a brief pause, probably because it seemed somewhat random for him to suddenly care about the guy's name. "Trent Hicks."

Kaidan leaned back against the wall and brought his hands behind his head, letting the cuffs press against the back of his skull as his fingers felt out the gash. He suppressed reacting to the wave of pain as he worked blindly to locate the lead from his implant. This was going to suck.

"Hicks, huh? You went back to your hometown. Small place the Alliance has no business in except recruiting whoever's interested." Kaidan's voice was strained from the pain, but he took advantage of the distraction.

"How the hell did you know that?" Trent snapped back.

"Trent…" Rahna said soothingly; the woman apparently hadn't changed much.

"We started tracking locations of BAaT students about two months ago, when we found out they were being targeted. But this Kami has been careful."

He finally found the lose wire and pulled it taut, increasing the pressure that was already building around his implant. He couldn't keep from groaning in discomfort and pain.

He breathed in deeply to regain control and leaned back against the wall, relaxing his arms a little. "I don't need you to trust me or the Alliance. I already have the trust of the people I need. I just need to know what I'm dealing with now with these guys."

Silence carried between the cells until Rahna's voice broke through. "I think they are trying to brainwash us into Kami's way of thinking. Before we go into questioning, we are injected with something. I don't feel obviously different but something is going on. They take us out for questioning twice a day and it lasts for about four hours."

"To top it off, they're putting O-E in the food they give us," Trent added, his voice greatly subdued.

Kaidan shifted to a slightly more upright position. He of course knew about the biotic suppressant omega-enkaphalin because of its connection to Cerberus. It didn't surface often, but when it did, he paid attention. Suppressing biotic abilities wasn't usually what people aimed for so it wasn't all that common, nowhere near as common as dealing with the use of red sand.

"Why give suppressants, especially ones with a high risk of permanent damage like O-E? Isn't the whole point to use our biotics?"

"It's likely they're using it for another manner of control," Rahna responded. "They have also used electric charges to force our biotics to materialize, testing power levels without amps."

Vincent Kami was making less and less sense as Kaidan learned more about him.

"Inspiring…" he muttered absently. "So either you don't eat and don't have the energy to muster up any biotics or you eat and can't activate because of the suppressant. It's not bad for keeping safe from imprisoned biotics, but does nothing for building an army like he's claiming to aim for." The Major reviewed all he had learned so far. "You said I made eighteen. Where are the rest?" He hadn't heard any signs of others nearby and they had been talking for a while now.

"Not everyone is against what they are trying to accomplish. Half a dozen are training to start fighting, killing humans like Kami wants. The rest are probably still in questioning. They stagger bringing us back, keep some of us longer than others."

"Probably work harder on the ones close to breaking. Most people aren't able to handle what you are being put through." Kaidan thought about what Kami had promised him. "Kami isn't wrong: everyone has a breaking point. It's about finding how to get to it faster. Once they figure it out, there's nothing keeping you together."

"Well, at least we know what yours is," Trent said harshly and Kaidan watched as Rahna looked away with a visible wince.

A few years ago, that would have affected the biotic greatly. Now he knew better and any regrets he had were dealt with privately. "You don't know anything about me. Say what you want about me – I guarantee you I've heard worse – but don't pretend like you have some moral high ground because of what happened to Vyrnnus. Now you can keep on whining like the next one to break, or you can pull yourself together and be of some use to yourself, if not me."

Trent remained silent after that, as did Rahna. Not knowing what else he could say, Kaidan decided that he needed to take the opportunity to rest, to try and get the headache to subside or he would be fighting a migraine as well as this Kami Organization.

He lowered his arms, making sure the lead would keep from shifting back under the skin after feeling the ends to make sure it had been a clean cut and the wires weren't frayed at all. He then moved to the rear wall and sat down on the floor, pulling his legs up to rest his arms over his knees and then placed his forehead on his arms. The position pulled on his neck, but he would get used to it.

Hours passed with Kaidan managing to doze off and on, waking up each time another of the captives were brought back to their cells. He counted eight be brought past him, noting that there was still one unaccounted for by the numbers given to him.

He awoke with a startle when the door opened again, his internal clock working out that he had gotten probably around eight hours of sleep since the last prisoner had been returned; that left him about 12 hours before he would be looking for Shepard's arrival. He remained relaxed though until he heard the lock release on the door of his cell and he snapped to a standing position as two men approached him. Apparently they thought it was time to start in on him and he actually grinned at the stupid move. He wasn't nearly vulnerable enough to be taken anywhere he didn't want to go.

He also couldn't risk them closing up the neck wound and sealing his access to the lead and his amp. The pin he had was fine for working on the gash already there, but would be too dangerous to try and create a new cut with since he couldn't see what he was doing. Field medic or not, this was precision work and pain was a hell of a distraction.

Taking in a mental inventory of weapons carried by the guards, assuming any rounds in the pistols they carried would be the same incapacitating drug as before, he ignored using them as an option: too close of a space. But if it came to it, being knocked out for twelve hours would be a good alternative to a brainwashing session. Besides, he didn't really want Shepard coming in while he was unconscious; that would just worry his lover unnecessarily.

The charged batons would be a bitch, though.

"Let's go," the nearer one ordered.

"I'm good here," Kaidan responded, shifting the angle of his body.

"Good thing I wasn't asking."

The thug approached and pulled out the baton. Once it was cleared of its holster, Kaidan moved, not giving an opportunity for it to get charged. He rushed the man, slamming his shoulder into him nice and low to knock him off-balance and into the other guard, who grunted and fell out of the cell.

"Kaidan?" Rahna's voice called out to him, a blend of concern and surprise to her tone.

Didn't matter, he told himself.

He reached out and took the baton from the man's distracted grip, setting it to charge. He used the pause to reach up and remove the helmet covering the guard's head. Once the head was exposed, he swung, the baton only partially charged, but that would still do the job, and struck the man across the jaw. The man stumbled back further, nearly unconscious from the strike, and Kaidan closed the distance and kicked him out of the cell.

He was about to follow the body out when the cell slammed shut in front of him, the other guard activating the lock. Kaidan watched the other man, his gaze daring him to come at him again, charging the baton again and holding it in front of him.

"I said I'm fine here."

The guard remained in place as though figuring out if he could subdue Kaidan now that the prisoner was armed. The other man stumbled to his feet and grabbed his partner's arm. "We need a different approach for this one. We tell Kami what happened, see what orders he has for us."

There was a silent pause before the guard nodded and the pair turned and walked away, both slinging threats and insults back at Kaidan.

"Cerberus scientists are tougher than those guys," Kaidan muttered as he deactivated the charge on the baton, taking in a deep breath to focus himself back in. He could feel his hands and legs begin to shake slightly, signs of going nearly a day without eating on top of already burning through a lot of what he had eaten on their mission.

He looked across the hall to Rahna. Her expression was tight, reminding him of how she had looked at him the last time they had seen each other. "I thought you wanted to know more," she said, her voice neutral of emotion which would reveal her thoughts.

"Can't risk losing my advantage and I would if they took a closer look around my implant."

"And what if they attack the rest of us to get you under control?"

It was a concern, but Kaidan was doubtful. "None of you have fought back, right?" Rahna looked away. "You don't need to answer: those two gave that much away. Kami must have them so scared to hurt us that that they weren't willing to fight back."

"We aren't soldiers like you are," she snapped back.

"You don't need to be a soldier to fight back. You just need to want to live and quit taking the shit they're dealing you." He had told his students the same thing many times, usually when a mission would take a turn for the worse.

The best weapon a soldier can have backing them, one that can't be taken away from them, is the instinct to survive.

"But if we fight back, we'll lose."

"How are you not losing now?" Kaidan shot back, not used to dealing with people finding excuses to stay out of the fight.

He knew there were plenty of people out there who really had no capacity for any manner of combat, but they weren't in _this_ situation, being worn down into biotic bodies for some insane agenda. Yes, being a soldier was affecting his opinion but it was more likely that he was serving on the Normandy with Commander Shepard that had really influenced him on this point. He served with the best in the galaxy and saw nothing but the front lines with comrades who watched his back as he watched theirs, never giving in to an opposing force.

Kaidan took in a breath to calm himself down. These weren't his students and they weren't anybody on the Normandy. They were people who had been traumatized by what had been done to them while being told it was for their own good.

"I'm sorry, Rahna, but I'm not giving in to Kami. I've spent too long fighting with everything I have to stop now. And I have people coming who are going to make sure I'm okay and I won't let them down. I can't let them down. But I'm not going to stand here and let them take out on anyone else what they can't do to me. I won't watch as any of you get hurt to control me."

Rahna scoffed, though the sound seemed conflicted with other emotions. "Kaidan Alenko, always the protector."

"If it's something I can do, why not do it?"

The access door opened again and Kaidan set the baton to charge up but left it hanging from his hands in a relaxed manner. Footfalls of apparently a single person sounded and Kami came into sight shortly afterward, the man peering in at Kaidan with an expression reminiscent of a tolerant parent.

"What are you doing, Kaidan?" he asked in a placating voice.

"What I do best. If you need a frame of reference on that, look at my service record."

"We tried, but your files are surprisingly well classified."

Kaidan shifted his weight, leaning his shoulder against the wall in a show of a lack of concern. "You can get your hands on the BAaT reports without tripping security measures but can't get into my files? You must have some pretty serious limitations to get caught there."

"Limited only by my sources. I assure you once here, I am not bound so. I have complete control here."

"There are still people in cells; your control isn't as complete as you wish it was. And your 'outside source' that got you the reports? Who'd you convince to infiltrate Alliance headquarters on a planet full of Reapers?"

"Someone not afraid of the Reapers."

Well, Kami walked right into that one. Not that Kaidan hadn't already been given pretty much everything he needed on that intel from Trent's reveal of the biotic suppressants. "Like Cerberus?" Kami's eyes narrowed and Kaidan knew he'd hit it on the nose. "I wouldn't get too involved with Cerberus. The Illusive Man has a tendency of cutting unnecessary ties once they aren't of use anymore. And does he know you're running an anti-human agenda here as the endgame? That's not exactly in his best interests."

Not that the Illusive Man seemed to be acting in his own interests anymore.

"I've already parted ways with Cerberus, compensating them well for services rendered."

"And probably getting a notice of a favor owed to the Illusive Man. He will collect and count on it not being something you want to pay up on."

Kaidan realized something belatedly: that meant that Cerberus also didn't have what it took to access his files. For an organization that had seemed to have endless resources and capabilities, it was a relief to think they couldn't get to everything. And while he knew his personal records were well-protected – practically the entirety of his military career as an officer had been spent involved in things the Alliance kept under wraps even without BAaT – he didn't think it was to the point where Cerberus couldn't get through to them.

"You are certainly well informed, Kaidan."

Kaidan felt the urge to let his dark humor show and point out that his partner was Commander Shepard but that would be giving away a lot more than he wanted to. "Been dealing with Cerberus a lot longer than you have. Face it: you don't have what it takes to handle me. Release everyone you have here and give up on this ridiculous idea of starting a war against non-biotics."

He really wished Shepard was here now. He was so much better at convincing people to give up on radical notions.

This was proven as Kami didn't even hesitate to shoot the suggestion down. "You don't have an advantage against us, Kaidan. You may be armed and able to fight now, but how long will that last without food? Your body must have already burned through any sustenance consumed before you were captured and your body will need more soon for you to even remain conscious. What good will a weapon do you then?"

Kami turned and left then, likely feeling he had the upper hand with the threat.

Unfortunately, he was right. Not using his biotics didn't actually slow down his metabolism and he was already feeling the strain his body was starting to go through. Not that he would be able to eat anything they gave him because of the O-E.

He probably wouldn't last even eight hours remaining conscious, let alone the twelve he still had before Shepard would act. And once he passed out from anemia, he would lose every single advantage he'd managed to secure.

Time for a serious change in plans.

He turned off the baton and moved to the back wall of the cell, quickly locating the pin from where he had dropped it when the guards came for him. He set the baton on the floor next to him as he knelt down, preparing himself for the headache he was about to cause himself.

He first checked to make sure the lead he had pulled out earlier was still exposed, finding it at once laying just above C6, giving him plenty to work with. He'd have to expose the wires a little more but it shouldn't be too much of problem once he set to work. He'd done harder in more active situations, i.e. repairing AA guns while people were actively trying to shoot at him. Once he was sure he would be able to make the connections when ready, he started trailing his fingers down to where the cut ended just off center of his spine where his neck met his shoulder. He brought the pin to be grasped between his fingers and pressed the point against his skin, further parting the skin. He needed to get at least one side of his amp exposed or he could damage it pulling it free. The cut, while traveling along the line of the lead, had been made at an angle and had moved away from the amp the further down his neck it went. Not far, but enough to be risky.

"Kaidan?" Rahna called out to him.

"Not now," he gritted out.

He carried out his task carefully, pushing the pin through his skin to bring the wound back toward his amp, regularly running his fingers over the skin of his neck where it was raised slightly from the amp to keep from making a mistake. When the wound at last lined up with the amp, Kaidan dropped the pin and focused everything on working the thin object from its place between his skin and muscles. It didn't take much, as there was nothing on the amp to catch and it pulled free with minimal irritation.

He lowered his arms and took a quick minute to regain his bearings, taking in deep breaths to get his heart rate under control and to focus on what he needed to do instead of the burning around his neck. It helped to know that the painful part was out of the way. Now he needed steady hands and precision.

He held the amp in front of him and checked it for damage; he may not be a specialist in amps, but he was extensively trained as a tech and had been looking at and utilizing amps for most of his life. And he'd been using this model of amp since he'd gotten hooked back up after the beating he took on Mars so he was plenty familiar with it by now, getting it checked nearly every time they made it back to the Citadel because of how much he was using his biotics. He knew what it was supposed to look like.

Sighing in relief as it appeared undamaged, he took a quick moment to grab the shirt his captors had provided and wiped the excess blood from the amp as well as his hands. Blood wasn't necessarily going to harm the amp, but he needed to make sure he had the best mental image of what he was doing and bloody hands tended to get slippery. Once cleaned up a little, he worked the severed wire free from the amp and looked carefully at the connections, memorizing the layout carefully. While he could get the lines connected, they wouldn't be fully secured and he would have to find a way to keep the amp from moving around too much so it wouldn't come free, but he would be able to link them as he'd hoped.

As he'd really counted on.

But he was in unfamiliar territory, pulling from training instead of experience on this one. And failure meant causing to himself what he on some level feared would eventually happen to him as an L2.

Shaking his head slightly to shake off the thought, Kaidan kept from going too far down that line of possibilities. It would only hinder his ability to actually get this done. Nothing killed faster than doubt.

He set the amp aside for now, reaching instead under his shirt for the chain that held his dog tags, pulling it free and holding out the one with the N7 insignia engraved on the front.

He turned it over briefly, looking at Shepard's name for a few moments, allowing the calm that rose in him from knowing that he wasn't really alone in this. John was right behind him, waiting to offer whatever help Kaidan needed.

But that calm wasn't what he needed right now, though it helped greatly. He just hoped Shepard was being as obsessive about watching the signal as he was about any mission details.

Figuring out that there was a tracker in the tag had been a combination of things. Foremost had just been common sense in regards of the N7 program. They were elite soldiers who thought of everything, who were ready for anything. It just made sense to have a way to track them by putting the device into something they never removed. After all, that was why Tali and EDI had made the tracking programs for their omnitools. But people hardly ever put any thought into dog tags, even the ones wearing them. It was perfect in its simplicity and something completely up Anderson's alley.

Which had been his second clue: Anderson would have implemented some way to always know where his operatives could be found. That's just the kind of man he was. It wasn't lack of trust but a way of always looking out for his guys.

But most of all, it had been the static discharge he kept getting because of his biotics. His own tag and the chain were titanium to avoid random discharge, but once the N7 tag had been given to him, he'd been getting tiny irritating shocks at a higher frequency than it should have been by just being a different metal. So a few days after Shepard had pulled his endearingly affectionate switch, Kaidan had taken a closer look at the tag and had immediately noticed the partition between the front and back plates. After a quick scan with his omnitool, he'd found the device concealed within. It was a simple little tracker, but one tough enough to withstand what an N7 would likely put it through.

Most importantly, in his scan of the device, he had learned that the tracker wasn't fried by electrical currents, which made sense considering the probability of the wearer being a biotic or at least facing one in combat. Instead, it would give a small burst of strength on the signal before being discharged through the front panel of the tag, which Kaidan found to be lined for that purpose. He figured that between his body's higher conduction of static and his biotics, the device was simply having to regularly purge the charge and that was what he'd been feeling.

In conclusion, the design was ingenious and exactly what he needed right now.

Placing the tag between his hands, he closed his eyes and focused on his biotics and his hands. He just needed small controlled bursts and he could do that without his amp. It would actually be easier without because he wouldn't get the same spike as he normally would. He wouldn't need to suppress as much.

He again hoped he knew his lover as well as he liked to believe, because otherwise this was a really long shot even with a crew made up mostly of Alliance personnel.

His hands warmed as the biotic energy filled them and he began his message.

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading and see you next chapter.


	8. Answering the Call

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 8/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** The struggle of waiting…

 **Chapter 8: Answering the Call**

Shepard paced about his cabin, unable to settle down.

Once he had made his report to the Council and Admiral Hackett, he had gone to his cabin for some much needed solitude. The rest of the crew had left him alone, sending him reports via email instead of asking him to check things out personally as he was apt to do; he appreciated the consideration as much as he didn't want to need it.

But he admitted that he did need it.

The calls to the Council and Hackett had been rough, to the point where he was still sort of recovering from the response he had gotten on both ends but for different reasons.

The Council had ripped into him for letting the situation get to the point where the enemy could isolate Kaidan as they had. After all, he was a Spectre and the mission being a trap for him shouldn't have meant anything to the outcome. And another Spectre had suffered for his failure to anticipate the danger. His response had been as far from respectful as he had ever been with the Councilors, telling them that they had as much of a responsibility to the Spectres, making sure they didn't send them into somewhere without checking into the message at all. They had cut corners because of the similarity to the Collectors when they should have done a little investigating on their own. They had people for that besides Spectres.

The report to Hackett had been more of a personal blow. When Hackett had appeared on the comm, Shepard had actually been unable to say the words to a man he deeply respected and who had always supported him and had supported Kaidan as well.

He had managed to croak out, "The mission from the Council was a trap for me and Major Alenko. He's…"

Hackett had allowed a few seconds pause to see if Shepard would be able to get it out on his own, then had sighed and shook his head. "Do you know if he's okay?" the Admiral had asked.

"We believe so. It appears as if he let himself be taken, asked for 36 hours to work. That was about four hours ago," Shepard had replied in a subdued tone, finding some of his usual resolve being given something familiar as answering the Admiral's questions was.

"Do you know where he is?" Shepard was kind of surprised that Hackett had ignored the gap from when Kaidan was taken and when the report was made.

"He gave us a way to find him. We just came out of the relay, about to enter the system he was tracked to."

"Then I expect to hear from you in 33 hours with an updated report on Major Alenko's findings."

And that was it. Nothing else. No blaming Shepard for what had happened. No asking what even happened. Just relaying his next orders with the implication that he would succeed, that he would have more to tell because Kaidan would have given him more.

"Off the record, sir?" he requested. Hackett paused, then nodded for Shepard to continue. "It shouldn't have happened. We knew to watch out for people targeting him and I still let him get separated from us."

Hackett looked at him, evaluating him carefully. "Will Alenko blame you for what happened?"

"Of course not. He doesn't do that sort of thing."

"You're right, he doesn't. So don't do it for him. It's a distraction and it won't do him any good. I know you're concerned for him, but he's capable of solving this, especially within the time frame he asked for. Remember, he has learned a lot in the past few years; especially in the months prior to the Reaper's assault on Earth as he took command of the Spec Ops Biotic Division. He's resourceful enough to make you work to keep up and smart enough to see when he's about to run out of options."

Hackett was right, Shepard knew that, knew all that about Kaidan. He just hated having to look past worrying about the man he loved.

"Anything else, Admiral?" he asked, needing to end the call and get himself straightened out.

"He has a habit of wrapping things up faster than he anticipates. Comes from the days before a certain Commander helped him not be so careful in the execution of tactics. Be ready to move in sooner than 32 hours. Hackett out."

And with that, Hackett knew that Kaidan was in enemy hands; an enemy that Kaidan had predicted would go for him. And Shepard was left to wait for the Major's deadline.

Which was just about the shittiest thing Shepard had ever had to do in all his years of service.

It didn't get easier as the hours ticked by either. He had tried to sleep but only managed maybe an hour or two before he had to move or he'd lose his mind. He then resorted to throwing himself into work, reading over reports submitted to him and working out where they would be going next after this, catching up on progress reports on the Crucible. Everything he could do to keep from thinking about Kaidan and what he was possibly going through.

He had dozed off at his computer at some point, thankfully catching a little more sleep. He had been unable to remain idle any longer and had made his rounds of the Normandy, talking to all of the crew, getting some much needed assurance from his friends as to why he shouldn't be too worried about if Kaidan was alright.

Though he'd avoided Javik completely, not needing to hear the Prothean tell him something along the lines that they were wasting time waiting when they could be doing something against the Reapers.

Garrus was the best stop, the turian asking him for more details on what had happened to Kaidan at BAaT and then making a point to tell Shepard just why a seventeen year-old human killing a turian General was something to pay attention to.

"I just might be a little more scared of pissing Kaidan off now," Garrus had said with a chuckle that Shepard knew to mean the turian was partially serious. "I have even told him that he needs to loosen up with his biotics."

"He's got nothing but control on them," Shepard had replied absently.

"Well, yeah. I might have too if I had killed a guy before being taught how."

"You think he was wrong to kill Vyrnnus?" Shepard was curious to hear what Garrus thought of Kaidan killing one of his own kind like that, removed from the battlefield as that situation had been.

"I'm wondering how he didn't kill him sooner."

Shepard breathed out a laugh. "Killing him sooner wouldn't be Kaidan."

Garrus' mandibles shifted to his smile. "True. He's good for you, a good balance to your crazy."

"Like you're one to talk about crazy, Archangel," Shepard shot back good-naturedly. This was something familiar. He needed this even if they were talking about Kaidan.

"Never said I wasn't. But you have to admit he's not as obvious about it as we are. That's handy to have around." Garrus paused briefly, as if deciding if he should continue or not. "Besides, he promised me epic battles between the two of you and I expect him to deliver."

Shepard shook his head. "You have no heart."

Garrus' laugh had followed Shepard on his way out of the Shuttle Bay where Garrus had been holed up cleaning his weapons to the elevator.

He had returned to his cabin after making the rounds, going back to killing time with reports and checking messages, trying to not obsess over the time display in the corner of his private terminal.

"Commander Shepard, we are receiving unusual readings from Major Alenko's tracker. Will you please return to the bridge?" EDI's voice sounded through the speaker next to the door.

"I'll be right there."

He was passing the galaxy map before he really was aware that he had taken the elevator down to Deck 2. It wasn't the gathering of the crew as it had been about a day ago, instead only Tali was on the bridge besides Joker and EDI.

"What's going on?" he asked as he stepped up between the pilot and co-pilot seat.

"I am not certain, Commander," EDI responded. "Since locking on to the signal from Major Alenko's dog tags, the signal has been constant and we are maintaining a high orbit over a small facility on the planet. However, a few minutes ago, the signal began fluctuating, increasing in strength before returning to the strength it has maintained until now. It has since ceased and returned to normal, but it is concerning as to what has occurred."

"I cannot determine a pattern of fluctuations," Tali commented from her place off to Shepard's left. "But I am not familiar with the device."

Shepard wasn't all that familiar with it either, simply wearing it because they were his tags. He started racking his brain, trying to remember what had been told to him about the tracker when it had been given to him. There hadn't been much as the tracker was just a last precaution in making sure N7s were never really lost or alone during missions. The tags acted as extra insulation as well as hid the tracker from being picked up on scans unless someone knew exactly what to look for.

But none of that explained why the signal would change.

A low hum sounded from Tali's omnitool, likely the signal they were using to find Kaidan. The single tone suddenly increased in pitch, getting higher for just about a second before returning to the low hum, then after two seconds of the regular sound increased again, only to lower again almost instantaneously and then again before another pause, the sound such a quick change that Shepard probably wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't paying such close attention.

And the fluctuations continued to change, increasing in short blips or the slightly longer ones. But Tali was right, there was no pattern Shepard could identify and it always returned to the normal tone. After about a minute, the fluctuations stopped and it was just the signal. Tali looked down at her omnitool and played the recording again, imputing a few other commands into the device.

"It's just a tracker. There's no reason for the signal to change like that," Shepard thought aloud. Nothing anyone had said about the device had included information of it being used as a communicator. It made it a lot easier to find in a scan to have that capability.

The sound of the altering signal faded somewhat as Shepard continued to try to find an answer. They didn't need this right now; things were already tense enough without an unknown variable like this. That signal was what told them where Kaidan was and if it was faulty, then Shepard wasn't sure that he could keep from ordering Joker to go planet-to-planet in search of his lover.

But it was this distraction that allowed the tone to fall enough from direct focus that he was able to hear something familiar. Something that he hadn't heard since getting out of basic. Something that could only be from Kaidan, Alliance marine that he was.

"Start the recording over again, Tali," Shepard ordered and moved closer to the quarian. Tali did as she was told and restarted the message, and Shepard listened carefully to the sounds with a new understanding, gleaning the meaning from it that Kaidan had intended. When the message came to an end, Shepard turned to Joker and EDI.

"It wasn't anything wrong with the signal. Kaidan found a way to alter the output to send a message. It was Morse Code."

"Wait, Kaidan really just pulled Morse Code out of his ass to communicate with us while he's being held hostage?" Joker said incredulously. "Dammit, I'm never going to be able to hold anything over him again if he keeps up smart crap like this."

"What is Morse Code?" Tali asked.

"It's an old form of long range communication humans used before we had anything else, using patterns in sounds to form letters. Alliance soldiers are still taught so that we can always have a way to communicate without everyone knowing that's what we're doing."

"Nice history lesson. Now what did Kaidan say?" Joker pressed.

Shepard went over the message mentally, separating out the sounds into letters and then into the words. " _Time's up_. Something must have changed and he needs us there now."

"You're sure that's what he said?" Joker questioned.

Shepard gave the helmsman a frustrated look. "You want to check my work now?" Joker just shook his head and turned to face his console. "Get us in range for a shuttle landing. Tell Garrus to get ready for departure. Tali, I'd like you on this one as well. Can you track the signal with your omnitool?"

"Of course, Shepard."

The Commander walked out of the bridge and headed back to the elevator with Tali following behind him.

They met Garrus in the cargo bay and all got changed into their armor and loaded onto the shuttle with Cortez in silent efficiency. As they launched from the Normandy and headed straight for the facility, Shepard looked between his friends.

"I won't have Kaidan watching over his shoulder for these guys to be coming after him again. I don't plan on letting any of these assholes out of the facility let alone off the planet alive. You have a problem with that, stay on the shuttle."

His friends appeared to have expected as much because both of their responses sounded amused and sincere.

Tali pulled out her heavy pistol and checked the thermal clip. "It's been a good while since we've had a 'shoot only, no questions' sort of mission."

Garrus clapped Shepard on the back of his shoulder before adding, "You did say we were making a statement here about not screwing with the crew of the Normandy. I believe it would lose something if we let people walk away without getting the message."

Feeling the shuttle decelerate and shift angle to land, Shepard stood and pulled out his auto rifle. "Glad we're on the same page. Now let's see what trouble Kaidan's caused these guys."

The hatch opened and the three stepped out smoothly with guns raised and ready for anything. They were a short distance from the facility, it being too risky to land within. There were no guards or any indication of security as the three walked through the shuttle bay.

Shepard took point with Tali right behind him and Garrus taking the rear position and they passed by about half a dozen shuttles.

"Shepard," Garrus called out when they were nearly through to the other side and the door into the facility. Shepard turned to look where Garrus had indicated to one of the shuttles, the hatch open. Shepard walked back to where Garrus was and looked into the shuttle to see why Garrus had called out to him. His gun lowered as he realized Garrus had seen a pile of armor and Shepard recognized it at once. "That belongs to Kaidan, right?" Garrus confirmed.

"It does," Shepard answered before pressing his fingers to the transmitter in his ear. "Cortez, got a favor to ask."

"Yes, sir?" Cortez's voice responded at once.

"There's an open shuttle in the landing bay. It has Kaidan's armor in it. Could you come collect it and bring it back to the shuttle? Area is clear."

"Can do Commander. I know how much he likes that armor he assembled," Steve's voice was amused and Shepard rolled his eyes as he turned toward the door again.

"I would defend his affinity for the armor, but I know you two actually discuss supplies."

Cortez laughed. "Yeah, I probably know his armor struggles better than you do, Shepard."

"Dangerous claim there, Cortez," Garrus said as Shepard stepped up to the door and hacked the lock.

And as the door swung open, an alarm blared through the facility and the element of surprise was lost to them.

Not like they really needed it.


	9. Unrestrained

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Author:** Kira Dattei  
 **Beta:** Betaed by potionsmaster (on AO3)  
 **Chapter:** 9/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Together again…

 **Chapter 9: Unrestrained**

"Shit!" Kaidan exclaimed. All the lack in security this place seemed to have and they have an alarm for the cell doors getting hacked. Oh well, not like it made a difference because the door swung open and he had what he needed to stay free.

And now that he was on the outside, he could hack the other locks without breaking into the console like he'd needed to on his. Angle really did matter when it came to hacking without the help of an omnitool. He stepped across the short hall to Rahna's cell, the woman standing at the door anxiously. "How are you out?" she asked as he started working.

"Same way I'm getting the rest of you out. Their fault for putting me somewhere I could hack the lock. Now watch the door and tell me if anyone comes in. I need to focus on what I'm doing here." Between usually having an omnitool to help him out and being used to having good people he trusted watching his back when he hacked something, he was struck with the necessity of having to keep from splitting his attention while really wanting to. He didn't usually worry.

"And if they come in firing that tranquilizer?"

"As long as I know they're coming in, it doesn't matter." Kaidan's response was already distracted as he focused on the display of the lock and went to work. He admitted that he was a little out of practice in doing this sort of thing without his omnitool to make it easier, but using that tech didn't completely ignore the skill and so it came back relatively quickly. In less than fifteen seconds, the lock released and Rahna's door swung open.

Kaidan was about to move to the next door when the access door to the cells opened and about half a dozen men rushed through the narrow opening two at a time, flooding the narrow passage quickly. Kaidan pushed Rahna behind him and raised his still cuffed hands up, his biotics activating around him.

"He's got no amps, shoot him!" one of the guards called to the others and they raised their weapons. Kaidan smirked and reached out with his mind to wrap his biotics around the men's bodies, his hands fisting up to make the thought take shape. As they felt the biotics take shape around them, the guards started struggling to still raise their weapons enough to fire. He didn't give them the chance though as he Pulled on the biotics and they all fell to the ground.

He crossed the room to the men and reached out to pick up the nearest dropped pistol. He checked the ammo, noticing that the pistols were equipped with tranq and regular rounds, and switched it over to live rounds, pointing it at the nearest guard and fired a single round into the chest. The other guards exclaimed and started scrambling to reclaim their weapons, but froze when Kaidan turned his attention and the pistol toward them.

"Really?" Just to enforce the intimidation, he activated his biotics enough to wrap around him and remind them that he had other options besides the firearm.

The men froze in their motion and Kaidan relaxed slightly; he wasn't a fan of killing unarmed men who were just in over their head.

But he shouldn't have let himself relax at all as one of the guards nearest to the door noticed and took advantage of the position to go for his weapon and fired. Kaidan noticed the motion quickly enough to bring up his barrier and the tranq round hit the biotics formed around him. The barrier wouldn't keep him from breathing the vapor though so he started shifting backwards away from the drug, raising the pistol up again and firing off two rounds at the guard who had fired. The rest were using the sudden confusion to grab their own weapons and retreat out the door, stepping over the bodies of the two dead men.

"Kaidan!" Rahna stepped up to him and placed her hand on his arm as he knelt down, keeping his pistol trained on the door and watching for any movement. He was at a huge disadvantage, only having as many rounds as the thermal clip would allow – probably only about ten more based on the model – and his head was already hurting from that limited use of his biotics. Not to mention that his arms were already shaking from lack of sustenance.

"You can show up any minute, Shepard," he muttered, wishing he had his transmitter so his lover could hear him getting on him like that. Shepard would think it was funny as hell and would probably find a way to pick on Kaidan about it later.

"Kaidan, what can I do?" Rahna asked.

"Go grab the baton out of my cell. Charge it as far as it will go and start hitting cell locks of the others with it. It will probably take a few hits to get the system to short, but those models are designed to go through armor." Rahna stood to do as asked. "Don't step in front of me to get there or back. If they have any brains, they'll have eyes on this hall and will see when I don't have a clear shot. Stay low and hug the walls." His voice wasn't quite as insistent as he would be giving a soldier an order, but it was still straightforward and didn't leave room for Rahna to do anything but listen to him exactly.

As Rahna moved in and out of his cell and then past him, the door remained empty, not even people checking around the corner quickly and Kaidan wondered if they had retreated back to wait for him to move forward. The sound of the baton charging, then hitting metal right behind him made him flinch as the sharp sound resonated with his headache.

Reconnecting the amp had gone well and the lead had been long enough that he could secure the amp beneath the collar of his thermal undersuit's high collar. But the connections weren't completely secure and he was having to compensate for the fluctuating power of his biotics on top of each time using them making his vision blur around the edges from malnutrition.

Twenty-four hours and he was considered malnourished. The wonders of a biotic metabolism.

As he heard the lock short after the fourth strike, Rahna moving further down to start on the next one, Kaidan shifted to a crouch and moved further back even with the next line of cell doors, lowering his voice so as to not be heard down the hall. "Stay in the cell for now. It won't help to have more bodies in this cramped space." Kaidan caught Trent's nod from the corner of his eyes. "What did you go back to?" he asked suddenly. He needed to know what he had to work with and needed a slight distraction from his own state.

"What?" Trent asked.

"I just looked at location on most people's files; that's all that mattered to Kami. So what did you go back to?"

Trent's voice as he answered told Kaidan he still wasn't sure why Kaidan was bringing it up, which was fine. "Teacher, high school chemistry mostly." Nothing that would help here.

Kaidan huffed a laugh. "You teach high schoolers and these guys got the jump on you?"

"My students don't usually carry heavy weapons."

"Fair enough."

Kaidan caught some movement at the door. The body in the doorway had shifted slightly from the arm, which had fallen outside the door and Kaidan realized they were trying to pull the body free so they could just close the door. Kaidan adjusted his aim and fired off a round, hitting the body's arm, which knocked it straight so it was all in view. He couldn't keep from smirking at the exclamations followed by profanities from the men on the other side of the door.

Trent had retreated a little into his cell, covering his head with his arms.

"They aren't coming in, just trying to close us in," Kaidan explained. He caught the sound of another lock shorting out and Rahna relaying instructions to the person that they were to stay in the cell for now.

"So what exactly do you do with the Alliance?" Trent suddenly asked and Kaidan resisted the urge to look over at the man.

Kaidan's lips lifted slightly. "That's a long answer and most of it is classified anyway."

"Yeah, I gathered that much from what you were saying with Kami."

"In short, I do what BAaT was supposed to: teach biotics how to be biotics," Kaidan revealed, knowing that wouldn't be a big deal to tell as long as he didn't delve deeper into the details.

Trent remained silent, which was fine with Kaidan because he suddenly heard commotion from the other side of the door. Hoping that it was what he wanted it to be, he stood and his biotics flared with the use of a Singularity right in the doorway and he watched as guards came into view caught up in the field. He grinned as the men caught were quickly taken out by sniper rounds by the sound of it. As the field dispersed, he moved forward again with his pistol raised. Another guard came into view and he shot, the round catching on a kinetic barrier. Kaidan followed the shot up quickly with a Reave and fired another round as the guard fell unconscious, taking him out.

As the biotic moved to take another step, his knees buckled and he had to fall heavily to them or deal with face planting on the ground. He waited for the wave of dizziness to pass, keeping his weapon raised and hopefully aimed as correctly toward the doorway as it looked. It was hard to know for sure with his vision swimming like it was.

Seeing something move on the other side of the door, Kaidan fired a round automatically, not sure where it hit.

"Kaidan, hold your fire!" a deeply familiar voice called out to him and Kaidan found his arms going lax before he could even breathe a sigh of relief.

"Shepard!" he responded. "All clear!"

Kaidan's vision still wasn't completely clear but he would never mistake Shepard's form, his gait, as he ran up to him, kneeling in front of him and pressing a hand to Kaidan's cheek.

Behind Shepard, Kaidan recognized Tali and Garrus looking between him and keeping an eye on the door.

"Are you okay?" Shepard asked, his voice insistent with his concern.

"Nothing serious. Just haven't eaten since before we went planet-side yesterday," Kaidan responded.

It was Garrus who chimed in, "So that's what we've been following: the sound of your stomach."

"Funny," Kaidan deadpanned to the turian. He then turned his focus – which was much easier to accomplish now that there were no black spots to look through - to Tali, "Think you can take care of the locks on the rest of these cells?"

"Of course, Kaidan," the quarian responded as she walked past him, touching a hand to his shoulder as she passed.

He turned back to Shepard and watched as the man appeared to still be taking in a mental inventory of Kaidan's state.

Rolling his eyes fondly at his lover, he lowered his voice to a whisper, "I'm not lying, Shepard. There's no serious injuries. Covered in bruises, had to put my right shoulder back in the socket, and my amp is all messed up, but I'm really fine."

"Is your implant alright?" Kaidan swore Shepard paid closer attention to his implants than he did once he learned how dangerous it was to do anything with the L2s.

"The implant is fine. The lead was cut and I had to reattach it."

Shepard seemed at a loss of what to say to that. "…How?"

"Not the time for a report, Commander," Kaidan reminded the man that they weren't actually out of danger just because he had located Kaidan.

"Right, you good to go?" Shepard's hand moved from where it hadn't left his cheek and ran it down Kaidan's arm, stopping when he touched the metal of the cuffs. "Garrus, search those bodies for keys to these," he ordered. Garrus looked over the Commander's shoulder to see what he was talking about and Kaidan caught the turian's grin.

"I can take care of those really quick," he said as he lifted his rifle and took aim.

Kaidan shook his head along with Shepard, "As unwavering as my faith in your aim is, Garrus, if you shoot at me I will dismantle your favorite rifle and stash the parts throughout a dozen systems," the biotic threatened in a deadpan.

Garrus let out a dramatic sigh and lowered his rifle. "There are nicer ways of showing appreciation, you know."

"Not with you."

"Shepard, we have ten prisoners to get out of here," Tali called out from behind. Kaidan and Shepard both turned to watch the small group approach, Trent stepping out of his cell at last.

"Joker, come in," Shepard said as he activated the transmitter in his ear but without his own, Kaidan couldn't hear Joker answer. "Send EDI down with a second shuttle. We have eleven including Kaidan to get off the facility." He turned to focus on the people standing behind Tali. "We have your way out of here on its way. ETA is seven minutes. We need to get back to the shuttle bay so we're ready for it before these guys regroup. Tali, you take our flank and make sure no one wanders off."

"Yes, Shepard."

Garrus walked back to them and knelt down, electronic key in hand and released the cuffs around Kaidan's wrists.

"Garrus, you take point." Garrus nodded as he tossed the key to Tali, who went to work on releasing the rest of the shackles.

Kaidan set the pistol down on the ground and rotated out and rubbed at his wrists, encouraging the return of blood flow. He hadn't broken the skin with all that he'd done to pull against the restraints, but his wrists were red and inflamed and just a little swollen. Shaking it off, he took in Shepard's weapon inventory before reaching out and taking the Arc Pistol from his left hip. It would be the easiest for him to handle in his state. Shepard watched the motion, obviously wanting to tell Kaidan to forget trying to be involved in any more fighting as he was, but seemed to find something that kept him from doing so. Instead, he reached out and took hold of Kaidan's bicep, helping to steady him as he stood.

"Don't do anything stupid. You don't have either your kinetic or biotic barriers."

"Just keep me covered. I'll be fine."

Shepard turned away, checking their route quickly with Garrus and Trent took the opportunity to step up to Kaidan, his expression disbelieving.

"Your way out was Commander Shepard?" he asked.

"It really was Kami's fault. He's the one who targeted a member of Shepard's crew. And Shepard doesn't take kindly to anyone messing with us."

"But…" Trent couldn't seem to put another thought together well enough to continue.

"Stay close to Tali. She'll keep you safe to the shuttle and then we're gone."

Kaidan didn't wait for a response, just turned to Shepard. "Ready to move, Commander," he said with a slight smirk. Shepard shook his head slightly before turning as well and indicating for Garrus to lead the way. As they moved through the somewhat small facility, most of the space being taken up by the cells and then a few labs near each cell block, Kaidan remained a step behind and to Shepard's right, his own left hand remaining in contact with the Commander's lower back. He used the contact and his familiarity with Shepard to read his movements and help guide him forward, his mind and body not able to remain as sharp as they usually were. He couldn't split his attention reliably between watching his team and watching for enemies and was only grateful that Shepard hadn't let him down. He probably wouldn't have succeeded in getting out with the rest of the prisoners without someone he trusted taking the load off of him.

He still would have died trying.

"You get that, Shepard?" Garrus called back suddenly as they made their final approach to the shuttle bay, only running into a handful of straggling guards which were taken out easily enough.

Shepard gave a brief nod in response, then glanced over to Kaidan briefly who gave him a questioning look. "Nothing to worry about. Just reporting in on the shuttles."

Something was off but this wasn't the time and Kaidan only hoped he had enough spare working brain cells to remember something so minor later to ask about it.

They reached the shuttle bay quickly, only needing about four minutes to get there, which meant they needed to hold position until the second shuttle landed.

"Cortez is beyond the shuttle bay. We'll be safer there than still within the facility," Shepard relayed to Kaidan and he nodded. "Just one more push through the bay and we'll be in position to hold out until EDI gets here."

"Then let's push through," Kaidan replied and caught Shepard's fond smile out of the corner of his eyes. The biotic took a few deep breaths, encouraging his body to hold up for just a little longer, willing the pounding in his head to not get worse and affect his vision as his migraines had a tendency to do.

They entered the shuttle bay, taking out about half a dozen more men who were making for an escape, then crossed the open area and beyond to where the Normandy shuttle came into view. Kaidan couldn't keep from letting out a sigh of relief as he saw Cortez standing outside the shuttle with a rifle, ready to defend them if necessary. Two minutes and he would be heading back to the Normandy where he belonged.

"Let's get the first shuttle loaded, Cortez. Go ahead and take the civilians. We'll guard your exit and EDI's shuttle. Be ready to take off as soon as the other shuttle is ready to land." Shepard called out to the Lieutenant.

"You got it, Commander." Cortez started waving the freed biotics forward with Tali encouraging them from her rear position.

Shepard glanced over to him and Kaidan expected to hear the man tell him to get on the shuttle, but he seemed to think better and just helped get the people on the shuttle. Kaidan would have helped as well, but he was quickly hitting his limits of staying on his feet. He just focused on keeping his eyes on the facility, looking out for any sign of more enemies.

When he heard steps approaching, he glanced over his shoulder to see Rahna. She walked up next to him and stood there silently for a few seconds.

"We'll have a chance to talk, right?" she asked.

Kaidan hesitated, "We're not going to rush you off the Normandy, if that's what you're asking. You'll have time to recover some and then we can arrange transport for wherever you need to go."

"But will I have a chance to talk to you, Kaidan?"

So she did actually mean that. Kaidan had been rather obtuse on purpose: the last time he had tried to talk to Rahna, she had walked away with the indication that she never wanted to talk to him again.

"If that's what you want," he said noncommittally. This was on her and if she changed her mind, he wasn't going to be destroyed by it.

"Shuttle incoming. Load up," Garrus called out.

"Get on the shuttle," Kaidan said in the same unwavering manner as he had used before.

Rahna stepped away from him and then turned to jog back to the shuttle, which closed up almost immediately and was lifting off at once as the second shuttle replaced it and moved to land.

Kaidan walked over to where Shepard stood and the man wrapped his arm around Kaidan's hips then stood up straighter to support the biotic's weight. Kaidan allowed the help readily, placing his own arm around his lover's shoulders, knowing he wouldn't last much longer.

As the shuttle hatch opened, Shepard leaned over to whisper to Kaidan, "You realize I'm never letting you off the Normandy again, right? Ever."

Kaidan chuckled deeply. "Just keep telling yourself you could actually pull that off."

"I miss the days when you would actually just follow orders like that."

"I've never followed orders 'like that'. I'm tired and malnourished, not amnesic."

"Can't even give me that?"

Shepard helped him over to the shuttle and Garrus took some of his weight as well to help him inside and then to one of the seats and he strapped in along with his three friends.

He had never felt more relieved to feel the shuttle lift off and enter orbit.

Thank you for reading! See you next time.  
Kira Dattei


	10. Relief

**Story:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Author:** Kira Dattei  
 **Chapter:** 10/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Back on the Normandy…

* * *

 **Chapter 10: Relief**

Chakwas had prepped the med bay for the sudden flood of patients efficiently, scanning each one and relaying instructions for care to Liara, who had graciously offered her help as soon as the shuttles had landed. It seemed as though there wasn't too much to be concerned about: besides the O-E readings in their systems, malnutrition, and some superficial damage that a little medi-gel was able to fix up, the freed biotics were easily taken care of and sent off to get some sleep.

Things were calm for the former prisoners, as long as they ignored Commander Shepard pacing around just outside the med bay, peering in on every single pass by the window.

Not that they hadn't figured out why he was hovering: Chakwas had already kicked him out of the med bay and had forbade him from entering again until she was done treating everyone.

But there was only one Shepard really cared about and Kaidan had been moved to the back and a curtain had been drawn around him so he couldn't see him. It was frustrating, almost as bad as after Mars when Shepard hadn't been sure if Kaidan was even going to survive his injuries. But Kaidan was right there and Shepard couldn't get to him.

And it was probably made worse by how Kaidan had seemed to just shut down after they got on the shuttle. He'd still been awake, but just barely and he had started pressing the heels of his palms against his head as though trying to push back pain. Considering what he had just put himself through, it was probably exactly what he had been doing.

Shepard had seen the state of his lover's neck, the skin roughly parted and his lead pulled out from where the gash started about an inch below where his port led to his implant with the amp pushed under the collar of his thermal suit. It didn't look like any medi-gel had been used at any point, Kaidan probably not wanting it to heal until his implant and amps were taken care of. But he had obviously been bleeding for quite some time, dried blood covering his neck and hands and likely his back underneath his thermal suit. But messing around to that extreme with his biotic hardware and then using his biotics after his lead had been cut _and_ not eating for over a day was more than enough to set off a serious migraine.

Shepard had nearly needed to carry Kaidan off the shuttle and up the lift to the med bay. Chakwas had looked at him right away, leaving her current patient to scan the Major. But as soon as Kaidan had been deposited on a bed, Chakwas had exiled Shepard.

And hadn't said another fucking word to him since even though she had clearly moved on to other patients and had left Kaidan alone in the back of the med bay in only she knew what state.

Garrus had been less helpful this time around when he had approached the agitated commander. He had looked between the room and his friend a few times before declaring Shepard to be a ridiculous human before walking away. Asshole.

It took about half an hour for Chakwas to finally emerge from the med bay, many of the biotics following behind and turning toward the mess, and walked over to him.

"I apologize for asking you to leave like that, Commander, but I had to make sure I could treat Kaidan efficiently," Chakwas apologized.

"I do understand, but I would have appreciated something a little sooner," Shepard replied, only a little sternly.

"His vitals were concerning. He fell unconscious as soon as he wasn't moving and I'm not entirely sure how he lasted that long."

"He's tough, that's for sure. So what's it look like for him now?"

"I have already started him on a supplement regiment to help him regain lost sustenance, but there is not much more I can do for him, not without help from someone who is more familiar in biotics and the L2s. I can replace the lead and amp easily enough, but would recommend asking someone more specialized to clear his implant."

"We'll have Joker take us right to the Citadel. I'm sure Dr. Michel would be happy to get her hands on his implant again. Does he have any other injuries besides the cut around his amp?"

"Injuries, no, though I'm certain moving hasn't been agreeing with him. Besides severe bruising all over his body, there was trauma around his right shoulder. I certainly expected worse when I heard that he had been thrown down forty floors."

"He told me he dislocated his shoulder and had to reset it."

"That would explain that, then. He makes a good field medic if that reset and the work he did on his neck and amp is any indication."

"It's probably what saved his life. I suppose we will have to wait for him to wake up to find out just how he managed to survive that fall."

"Seems like it." Shepard hesitated, looking through the window to where he knew Kaidan was behind the curtain. "He has to stay down here, doesn't he?"

The doctor gave him a knowing look. "Until his implants are checked and we can heal the wound on his neck, there is a heightened risk of infection. He doesn't need that on top of everything already of concern in that area. The med bay is sterile and he won't be wandering around not being careful. But I have disconnected his amp and have dressed the wound as a precaution."

"So can I see him?"

"Can I stop you?"

Shepard smirked as he crossed his arms. "I wouldn't recommend it, no."

"Please don't wake him up. If he wakes up on his own that is fine, but the best thing for his body now is to rest."

"Got it, doc."

Shepard walked straight for the door and walked in, heading directly for the curtained area. Pulling away the thin partition, he stepped beyond and let it fall closed behind him before focusing on his lover.

Kaidan looked…unwell. He was lying on his left side, facing toward Shepard, likely to keep pressure off his right side as the medi-gel did its work on the joint. He had been stripped out of his thermal suit but it had simply been replaced with another sleeveless one, a way to help regulate his temperature while taking into consideration how he ran hotter as a biotic. There was an IV running into his arm, and Shepard could see the white material of gauze wrapped around Kaidan's neck. His lover's skin was pale, unhealthy to look at, but his breathing was even and deep with sleep and his face wasn't taut with pain.

But none of that was enough to keep Shepard away. If anything, it compelled him to make sure he was close to Kaidan now. He closed the rest of the distance, sitting down on the edge of the bed and kicked off his boots and shrugged out of his leather jacket he had only just changed into. He stood enough to get some leverage to reposition Kaidan, moving the man further to one side of the bed so he could lie down as well. Once he was comfortable on his back, he reached over to move his lover again, pulling the slightly smaller man toward him this time to rest on his chest, careful to not pull at the wound all the while.

Once they were both in a position they slept in regularly, Shepard at last relaxed and pressed his nose into Kaidan's hair, taking in a deep breath of the man's scent. Didn't matter that he smelled like the places he'd been stuck in over the past day, there was still the familiar musk that was all Kaidan.

Shepard could feel himself relax as he hadn't been able to since even before Kaidan had been taken. He had his lover back, banged up and recovering, but back.

He didn't realize he had even fallen asleep until he heard Chakwas call out to him from just outside the curtain. "Commander, we are about to dock at the Citadel."

She relayed the message then walked away, allowing him to maintain privacy.

"Are we taking Kaidan to Dr. Michel or is she coming here?" he called out as he shifted, wrapping his right arm around Kaidan's waist so he could move without dislodging the biotic from his position.

"If Kaidan is well enough, there is no reason not to go to Dr. Michel. Her facility is likely to be better equipped to check his implant."

Shepard turned his attention down to Kaidan and found himself hesitant to wake him. That wasn't unusual though: Shepard liked watching Kaidan sleep and waking his lover up wasn't something he really ever felt the urge to do. But this wasn't about spending time with the man. This was making sure Kaidan was really okay.

So he moved his right hand to Kaidan's shoulder and gave him a slight shake as he called his name. Kaidan demonstrated how tired he still was by not waking up immediately from that. He repeated the motion and the biotic took in a deep breath and moved to press his face into Shepard's chest. "Come on, Kaidan. Time to get moving." Shepard pressed.

"Why the rush? That couldn't have been more than two hours," Kaidan murmured, reaching up with his right hand and pulling Shepard's hand off his shoulder to grasp it.

Shepard checked the display on the console next to the bed. "You're a little off there, Major. Try six hours."

Kaidan scoffed at that, making Shepard smile: Kaidan usually woke up better than the Commander did. "Still didn't tell me why. Figured Chakwas would have you flayed for disturbing her patient."

"She probably would, but she's handing you over to Michel. We're at the Citadel, and if you can manage, we're heading to her."

"That bad, huh?" Kaidan's voice was still muffled but it didn't keep Shepard from recognizing the tension.

"She just wants someone better equipped for a second opinion. She didn't seem too worried about it."

"John," Kaidan shifted and pushed himself up onto his elbow and looked down to Shepard. "You know part of the reason I haven't switched out for a different implant, because of the risk of brain damage. What I did was risky and if I messed up my implant, I'm still not going to risk the surgery."

Kaidan would rather lose his biotics than upgrade to a safer implant. But Kaidan _was_ a biotic. It was who he was, not what but who. Kaidan had embraced being a biotic when so many other humans denied what they were or used it toward the wrong end. Those that became monsters.

Like the guy who had taken Kaidan had been trying to turn Kaidan into.

They had looked at some of the data logs at the facility while they were looking for Kaidan and figured how they had been basically brainwashing the biotics into hating humans. And they had succeeded with some if the biotics who had attacked Shepard's team was any indication.

Whoever had done this didn't know the deep fear he had struck within Kaidan by doing this.

"They're your biotics, Kaidan. It's always been your choice what you do with them. You'll always have a place here on the Normandy and with me."

Kaidan gave him a gentle smile and leaned his head forward, Shepard moving forward to place his lips against Kaidan's forehead and felt the man relax against him again. He just enjoyed the contact, not really having taken the chance yet to just be in contact with Kaidan. He'd been touching him for hours now, but it wasn't the same.

Not that he could for very long. "I really don't want to break this up, but we really do need to get going if you're up for it."

Kaidan laughed, his breath fanning against Shepard's neck. "The day you want me to get out of a bed is the day we break up."

"I make no excuses for thinking the man I love is exceptionally hot."

Kaidan laughed again, then began moving away from Shepard. Wanting to give his lover every chance to actually get to the doctor, Shepard sat up with Kaidan to take some of the effort away. Once Kaidan was seated, the biotic reached over to the console that was monitoring his vitals and turned it off before pulling the needle out of his arm. Shepard wasn't disturbed by medical stuff like some others were, but he still shuddered a little at the dismissive way Kaidan pulled a needle out of himself. The Major then swung his legs over the side of the bed and started rotating out his limbs.

And Shepard was granted his first sight of the bruising Chakwas had mentioned. The joint around his right shoulder was a deep purple, which branched out to differing shades of blue. He couldn't see much more than that because of the thermal shirt, but it was more than he had seen before.

And he hadn't seen bruising to this extent on Kaidan since the thrashing he'd taken on Mars. At least it wasn't on his face this time. The shoulder was much less dangerous to have discoloration like that.

He must have gotten lost in his thoughts because Kaidan was suddenly calling him out on staring. "You could at least wait until I've had a shower to start on the lecherous looks, Shepard."

Instead of replying, Shepard reached out and ran his fingers gently over the gauze covering Kaidan's neck. "I don't care how dirty you are. As long as you're safe."

Kaidan reached up, taking Shepard's hand off his neck and then guiding it around in front of him. Shepard followed the motion easily, wrapping his other arm around Kaidan's torso beneath his arm, pressing his chest to Kaidan's back and his face against the side of his lover's face and neck.

Kaidan was back.

He was safe and in his arms again.

Damned if anything was going to change that anytime soon.

As long as he didn't count Liara walking past the curtain abruptly, making him pull away and move to stand up on the opposite side of the bed while Kaidan made the final motion to stand. Liara ignored the aborted display of affection as she walked past Shepard toward his lover, setting down a few articles of clothing before wrapping her arms around Kaidan's shoulders in a gentle embrace, which Kaidan returned easily.

"I am relieved that you are alright, Kaidan," the asari said against the gauze circling his neck.

"Thank you, Liara," Kaidan responded affectionately. Shepard knew the two had grown close as friends over the time spend on the Normandy, Liara helping Kaidan learn some of the more complex biotics and Kaidan being an understanding ear when it came to being sort of the odd one out in a crowd. To see their bond brought a smile to Shepard's face as well.

They pulled away from each other and Liara indicated the clothes she had brought. "I thought you may prefer clean clothes to walk through the Citadel in."

"You're the best, Liara." Kaidan reached out for the clothes, rifling through them to see what she had brought: an extra pair of his casual uniform pants, a short sleeved shirt, and…

"Why don't you ever wear that? It has to be more comfortable than your uniform," Shepard asked, lifting up the navy blue Alliance hoodie. He could tell that it was easily a few years old by how worn it was and yet he had never seen Kaidan in it.

"Just because you deign to wear whatever you want around the Normandy doesn't mean that's what I want to do. Besides, I'm a career officer…"

Shepard cut in with a muttered, "And a workaholic."

Kaidan finished undeterred, "I wear my uniform more often than anything approaching civvies."

"Tight ass," Shepard retorted with a suggestive smirk, which grew as Kaidan's cheeks flushed slightly.

"Asshole," the biotic shot back.

Liara tried to suppress a chuckle and when she failed at that, she turned away and moved back to the concealing curtain and ducked out with the explanation of allowing Kaidan some privacy to get changed.

Shepard decided he wasn't done yet though. After all, the more he teased Kaidan, the more things went back to normal. "But in all seriousness, you need to stop wearing your uniform immediately and are only allowed to wear that if you aren't in your armor."

"Yeah, that's not happening Shepard."

The Commander watched as Kaidan stripped out of the thermal clothes and into his own, cataloging each cut and bruise, and watched as his lover's demeanor changed as he finished the task to seem somewhat more comfortable.

Kaidan glanced over to Shepard after he straightened from getting his boots back on, his gaze calculating as was normal for the Major. "I'm alright Shepard. If you could let me be Major Alenko for now, that's the best I could ask from you."

Shepard didn't want to be Kaidan's Commander right now, he wanted to be his partner. The one who could be there to support him when he went to have his implants checked out. The one who Kaidan could rely on to stand next to him no matter what the doctor told him about his biotics.

"Counter-proposal: you're Major Alenko until we reach the examination room. Then rank has nothing to do with me being there."

Kaidan appeared relieved by that. "That I can handle. Now can we please get this taken care of so we can get back to saving the galaxy like usual?"

Shepard followed Kaidan through the curtained area and was forced to stop almost immediately as his lover came to a halt, his gaze focused on a woman seated at one of the consoles near the door.

"Hi Kaidan. I was just making sure you were alright," she said smoothly.

Kaidan was stiff, uncertain, and that put Shepard on high alert. "Just need to have my implant checked out and our doctor has decided to avoid that task." He was deflecting, bringing Chakwas into the conversation.

"You give me enough work without taking on your implants as well, Kaidan," Chakwas retorted from where she was working at her own console.

"Speaking of work, you've already sent me a report of treatment so I can get that off to Hackett, right?" Kaidan continued to avoid looking at the woman as he started moving again toward the door.

"Of course, Major. Shepard would you please talk with him about medical leniency on submitting reports? I have tried and it doesn't appear to be getting through to him."

"You think he listens to me when I tell him to slow down? I doubt even Hackett or Anderson could get him to take it easy if he didn't feel like it."

"Not yet out of the room," Kaidan groused. He finally turned to the woman, who didn't seem to know just how to take what she had just witnessed. "Look, I need to get over to the clinic. I'll talk to you once I'm back on the Normandy."

"Okay," she replied, though Shepard could hear the disappointment.

But then Kaidan was through the door and moving toward the elevator and Shepard had to keep pace. He wanted to ask what that was all about, but seeing his lover's tight posture kept him from actually voicing any question to broach the subject. He figured Kaidan would tell him when he was ready anyway. Kaidan was pretty open and honest with him about things that bothered him.

The pair moved through the Normandy and then the Citadel quickly, not being held up by anyone or anything as they headed for Huerta Memorial, being guided right to one of the private rooms and instructed to wait for the doctor once they arrived. Kaidan had taken off his hoodie as well as the gauze on his own, knowing he would be asked to anyway. As Kaidan sat down on the edge of the examination table, Shepard couldn't help but go around to look at the wound now that it had been cleaned up. It didn't look much better clean than it had rough and covered in blood.

Kaidan just stayed still and let Shepard look his fill.

Before Shepard could question for details of what had happened, Michel walked in and the Commander moved away to stand at Kaidan's side instead.

"Major Alenko, it has been a while. What do you have for me this time around?" She approached him as she talked, already pulling on gloves and looking in close.

"The lead was cut by some glass. I had to cut out the amp and reconnect it. We just want to check that the initial separation and me pulling the lead free didn't affect the implant."

"Do I even want to know why you _had_ to reconnect your amp by yourself?" she asked as she started pulling at the split skin.

"I'll play it safe and say it's classified," Kaidan answered, his voice tightening in discomfort.

"It was a clean cut of the lead so there shouldn't have been any damage caused between the lead and the amp, especially with your medic and tech training. I can't see any signs of charring or other discharge."

"I didn't feel anything like that when I used my biotics, but pulling on the lead had already caused a migraine so I may not have been able to feel it if there was."

"You'd know if it was happening. That sort of damage tends to have quite the crippling effect on a person."

Michel moved away and activated her omnitool, scanning over Kaidan's neck and kept her focus on the device for a few moments. "You may be in the wrong field there, Major. I'm not reading any damage to the implant or port site. We'll still have to access it to replace the lead and of course connect a new amp."

"Of course."

"So his biotics won't be affected?" Shepard confirmed.

"Not at all. It's no worse than his normal maintenance. Let me go check my amp stock, unless you have another option in mind."

"Actually, I'll get in touch with a rep from the Spectre office and have one sent from their stock. I have my preferred models flagged that they can reference."

"You make my job so easy, Major."

"Good to know." Kaidan lifted his arm to pull up his omnitool, but paused as he seemed to realize something.

The same thing Shepard realized a few seconds later: Kaidan didn't have his omnitool. It was still stored safely in Shepard's cabin.

"I have it," Shepard said before he lifted his arm and sent a message along the secure channels to the Spectre office, requisitioning the amp. He received a response quickly - apparently someone had been told that Kaidan was being treated for it to come back so fast - and that someone would deliver the part within the next fifteen minutes. "It'll be here soon," he told Michel before turning back to Kaidan. "I'll get your omnitool back to you once we return to the Normandy. I know you spent a lot of programming time getting that thing just the way you like it."

Kaidan gave him an appreciative look, "And if you knew anything about tech operations that would actually mean you understand why I didn't want to start from scratch on a new one."

Michel activated her omnitool again and waved it over Kaidan's neck, administering some medi-gel to start numbing the area so she would be able to work. "Let me just go get what I need to make the switch. I'll be right back," Michel said with a smile before making a quick exit and the couple was left alone.

"So, you'll still be same old Kaidan, biotic human badass," Shepard quipped. Kaidan rolled his eyes as he placed his hands on the bed behind him and leaned his weight back onto them.

"I'll get right to work on getting myself an article in Badass Weekly." Shepard chuckled and walked around to stand in front of his lover, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to warm lips. He felt a surge of victory as he felt Kaidan follow him when he moved away. Nothing like proof that Kaidan wanted the contact as much as he did.

"Let's keep it between us and the crew. You don't need any more attention and I don't share, at all really."

"Would you please stop saying stuff like that at least until I get my preliminary report off to Hackett? I would like to keep my reputation for timeliness on paperwork."

"I make you want to slack off?" Shepard asked with a sly grin.

"When you get that tone and say things like that, kind of."

Shepard moved in closer to press another brief but slightly firmer kiss to Kaidan's lips. He remained close though and his vision was filled with Kaidan's face. "So much for me not being able to charm you."

"It has nothing to do with charm, Shepard. It's just that you mean it and I haven't really…had someone mean things like that toward me before."

Shepard wasn't sure what to say in response to that. They hadn't really talked about other relationships before and the Commander wondered what had prompted Kaidan to do so now. But that didn't mean he was completely lost on coming up with something. "Hey, every time, remember? Anything you need and I'll help you out however you need. If that's just reminding you that I don't want anybody else, than that's what it is."

Kaidan smiled again before leaning away from Shepard. The Commander took the hint and backed away, shifting to lean his hip against the bed next to his lover. About ten seconds later, Michel returned and got to work getting Kaidan back to normal biotic operation.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading and see you next time.  
Kira Dattei


	11. Growth

**Story:** A Touch of the Past **  
** **Chapter:** 11/18 **  
** **Chapter Summary:** When she doesn't walk away…

* * *

 **Chapter 11: Growth**

Returning to the Normandy presented something of a conundrum for Kaidan. He was, of course, anxious to get back to where he was most comfortable so that he could take it easy for a while and maybe actually get to a point where he felt like he was recovering instead of just continuing to run around. He wanted to be able to get his report off to Hackett and put the last few days behind him as just another day in the life of a Normandy crew member.

Crazy happened to the people who stuck with Shepard, simple as that.

But then there was the other part of putting this all to rest and that was the woman waiting for some of his time on the ship.

Rahna…

It had been easy to ignore _everything_ when he was so focused on making sure he got everyone out alive, but now that he just had to show up and do what he had tried to do when they'd gotten shipped out of BAaT, he found out just how difficult it was to actually work up the nerve to approach her.

It had been so easy all those years ago.

He was getting an understanding of how Rahna must have felt, trying to turn away someone who you cared about when they wanted nothing but to talk.

Shepard had undoubtedly noticed his strange behavior since he tried to offer him some alternatives to returning to the ship including a detour to Shepard's apartment for a few hours of guaranteed uninterrupted time together, all of which Kaidan refused. Running away wouldn't solve anything. Shepard hadn't pressed him, merely invited him to make his way to his lover's cabin once he was all set.

Kaidan truly loved Shepard for the man's understanding.

So with new leads between his implant, a new amp, and his neck still tingling from the generous application of medi-gel, Kaidan boarded the elevator and asked EDI for a location on Rahna. With an immediate answer given, he headed to the third deck mess hall. He came around the corner of the wall between the elevator and one of the large tables and saw her seated there, eating the latest concoction from the cook. He didn't allow himself the opportunity to hesitate, just walked over and sat down across from her. She looked up at him and he tried to not get too anxious over the flat expression she fixed him with. She had asked for this. It was on her if she didn't really want to talk.

After a few silent moments, Rahna spoke, "Are your implants alright?" Nice neutral place to start.

"Yeah, they're fine. Apparently I work well blind and under pressure." His nerves were making him close off and settle into his manner of gathering information. Rahna deserved more than that, but he just couldn't help himself.

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened, let alone what you did."

The words were familiar to Kaidan, resonating with what he had said to Shepard after the coup. Maybe it was this and the seeming accusation that made it difficult for Kaidan to not automatically get defensive. He should at least wait until she actually accused him of anything before fighting back.

"Meaning?"

"BAaT was behind me. What happened there put so far out of my mind that it was almost like I'd just heard about it from someone else. But then some man brings it all back in just a few days."

"This has been going on for months. You should consider yourself lucky that it was only a few days for you." He would admit that was rather harsh, but it was also true. Some people had given in to Kami because of how long he'd had to work on them.

She shot him a frustrated look to prove his suspicion. "That's cold, even from you."

And that gave him a reason to get defensive, but he took a moment to make sure he didn't get too emotional about it. There was defending himself and there was starting a fight and he didn't want to do the latter.

Though, to be honest, it was so much easier to reign himself back in when it wasn't Shepard, as the man just evoked so much emotion in him.

"You say that like you really know me."

"All the time we were together in BAaT doesn't mean anything?"

"I was seventeen and that was a long time ago, Rahna. I've changed a lot in that time and so have you." He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest, collecting himself. "Look, Kami isn't the first extremist or cult that I've run across who used biotics and he won't be the last. As long as there is something for people to take offense at, there are going to be people dragged into their agenda. We just happened to be the ones dragged into it this time around."

"How can you just accept it like that? He was basically torturing us."

"I'm a realist and just a little bit cynical. I blame some of that on BAaT but I'm also an officer and that comes with the territory. Besides, if I let it get to me, I can't do my job and people I care about will get hurt as a result. I won't stand for that."

"Always the protector." She had said something like that in the cell and in the same way: like there was something wrong with that. Like she had let her fear of what she had seen him do to Vyrnnus warp her idea of what it meant to protect someone.

"It's something I can do and I'm good at it."

Rahna fell silent for a few moments and Kaidan watched as she seemed to be carefully considering what she was going to say next. When she did speak, her voice had become distant. "You knew what was going on right from the moment you got there. How?"

Well, she had said she was trying to wrap her head around what had happened and he could tell her some of it at least. Answering the urge to help her understand, he spoke with only minimal concern as to what information she was allowed to be given. "Kami hired someone to steal data connected to BAaT. The Alliance brought me in the know to see if I could figure anything out about who was behind the theft because of my history with the program and as an Intel officer. They were careful though, and we couldn't find who was responsible, only that they were targeting students. I let the Alliance take the investigation back; my position on the Normandy makes it difficult to keep up with an investigation like this, And I haven't actually been working Intel for quite a few years now."

"You just dismissed it? When you knew they were aiming for us?"

"What was I supposed to do about it? There were too many students, more than half were living on Earth, and nothing leading us to who was responsible. Being on the Normandy and serving with Shepard puts me on the front lines of building our defenses against the Reapers. I have to dedicate my focus there."

"But you're one of us."

Kaidan chuckled at that, reaching behind his head with one hand to rub at his head in embarrassment above where his implant was set. "Yeah, that's not going to be let go anytime soon, by Shepard or Hackett. Hell, Anderson will probably give me grief once this gets around to him," he muttered absently, gaining a confused look from Rahna. "I was never worried about them trying for me; I didn't actually think anyone would be insane enough for something like that. I'm associated with Commander Shepard; that should be enough to keep people off my back. Needless to say, Kami is a lot crazier than he is intelligent." That didn't seem to actually help Rahna gain understanding, so Kaidan gave a sigh. "I told Shepard and Admiral Hackett, who I report to within the Alliance, that it didn't matter that I was on that list. I wasn't in any danger. But Kami just found a way to get to me through Shepard instead of trying to go around him."

"You're surprised he went through the trouble?" Rahna asked, though it seemed more like a statement.

"Yeah."

"How could you possibly not think that he would go after you? You are the reason BAaT and later Conatix fell apart. Why would you not think that would be a priority for Kami to get his hands on? You could have made yourself more accessible for him to get to, drawn him out and put an end to this before everyone got involved."

Kaidan scoffed. "I considered that, a few times and in a great variety of scenarios. And if this had happened any time besides now, I would have done it. But I don't have the final say in something like that right now. I'm serving on the Normandy and so Shepard would have to agree." And considering how his lover had reacted to just the thought that someone might be coming after Kaidan, using him as bait would likely be out of the question.

"But don't you outrank him? You're a Major and he's only a Commander. Couldn't you just tell him you had to do it and go?"

Trying not to shudder at the thought of what Shepard would do if Kaidan tried to pull that off, Kaidan tried to think of how best to actually explain his situation. "I'm not on the Normandy because of orders or rank, Rahna. I'm here because it's where I belong. I am part of a crew that I care about and who cares about me, not because of what we can do for each other, but because we want to. And I wouldn't give that up for the sake of some mission that held no guarantee of actually working quickly enough for me to be back in the fight beside them." Kaidan's voice had risen as he spoke, being unable to maintain his calm while defending his place on the Normandy. He rubbed his hands over his face and took a deep calming breath, thanking Liara silently for the time she had spent with him teaching him different ways of meditating to help counter the tension that would lead to a migraine. "Look, I'm sorry for how things went down. I misjudged Kami and you all paid for it. But I'm not going to sit here and look to place blame. All that does is let it control me and I don't give control to anyone or anything."

"Except when you lose it," she shot back. Maybe this was what she had been too afraid of him to say all those years ago.

"I learned from that, not that you can really expect control from a seventeen year old improperly trained biotic jacked up on red sand. But I don't make excuses for what happened: I killed Vyrnnus and part of me died with him. And even though my biotics scared me for a long time after that, I knew they weren't going to stop being a part of me."

"What changed? I know a lot of the abilities you used to break out were way beyond what they taught us at BAaT, not to mention the added difficulty of you being an L2."

Eden Prime happened. Being faced with the Geth and Sovereign and the knowledge of the Reapers. Knowing that holding himself back from his biotics was an easy way to end up dead when he could have still been of use to people who depended on him.

Of course that wasn't what he was going to tell Rahna. Hell, John was probably the only one he _would_ tell something so personal to. So he wouldn't tell her that, but something just as real because that's what she deserved. "I realized that I'm human; biotics don't change that. After that, I could look at my reflection and not see what had been done to me, the blood on my hands. I joined the Alliance a few months after that, let myself be trained and proved to myself what I was really capable of. And that ended up being so much more than anyone at BAaT had led me to believe."

"Kaidan…" Rahna managed to stammer out in a quiet voice.

"We both made a choice the day we were shipped out: you chose to walk away and I chose to let you. Maybe it was for the best, maybe we should have tried harder to fix things. I don't know. I only know that what happened at BAaT and what I did to Vyrrnus…it wasn't where things went wrong that day. And everything that had happened to me since then has led me right where I am. Where I belong. I only hope you have the same to go back to."

"…I did blame you. For a long time. I'd wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and convinced myself that it was you I was really afraid of. But I wasn't even afraid of you, I was afraid that what happened to you would happen to me. That I would kill someone with my biotics and I couldn't take that for so long. I haven't connected an amp since leaving BaaT…haven't done so much as a Lift. I got over it though, found work that allowed me to help people and I healed right along with them. That was when I really found out that I shouldn't have blamed you, that I was wrong and you didn't deserve how I treated you." Rahna's dark eyes lifted to look at him at last and he saw that they seemed lighter, less conflicted. "I started thinking about looking for you about five years ago. It took another year or so for me to actually start looking up your name. But nothing came up when I tried, nothing to tell me that it was actually you. Then three years ago your name starts coming up alongside Commander Shepard's in news vids. I actually didn't think it was you because it was the Alliance and I didn't think you would go back to them."

"And after that, my work meant you wouldn't have been able to make contact," Kaidan mused. Anderson and Hackett had gotten a hold of him after that and had started working him toward being able to take over the Spec Ops division, even if he didn't know that's what they were doing until after he was in charge.

Then there was Shepard coming back to life.

Then there was prepping and appearing during Shepard's trial against the Batarians.

Then the Reapers were there.

That was a shit ton to have someone try to find him through.

"I dug up everything I could on you. It wasn't much, but it was enough for me to see who you had become. And I was happy for you. I am happy for you."

She sounded happy. And that happiness flowed through him as well and he couldn't help but smile back at her.

"I'm glad we were given the chance to work through this," he said, his voice content.

"Me too. And now that everything's worked out between us, you can tell me just how you scored _the_ Commander Shepard as a partner." The switch in topics as well as her demeanor reminded Kaidan that her occupation was a counselor and if she was any good at it, she could lead a conversation with great ease as well as suppress her own reactions and emotions for the sake of who she was talking with.

He only wished his own control was better when it came to personal topics, like his relationship with Shepard. Hell, with the crew they hadn't even needed to tell anyone. They figured it out on their own and suddenly their relationship would work into conversation every once in a while. But it was just another part of their life, part of living with each other every day for months on end broken up by bouts of grave peril. This wasn't the same.

"Excuse me?" he responded as he felt his face heat up.

"Don't even try with that act, Kaidan. You two are obviously in a relationship. So, how did you land yourself in his affections?"

Kaidan remained silent, crossing his arms over his chest and gave her a flat look, communicating in every non-verbal way he knew that this wasn't on the table for discussion.

"Oh, come on, Kaidan. I've never known you while you were in a relationship and I want to know what it's like. You were never really into getting physical with people just for the sake of it, so it must be serious. It must be difficult, being with someone everyone in the galaxy knows about and admires."

"You can stop anytime, Rahna. I'm not going to talk about this," he deadpanned.

Rahna continued as though he hadn't said anything. She was worse than Allers once she got stuck on a topic. "I could tell right away that there was something between you two. His eyes when he stepped through that door and saw you, that's the look of someone in love. Then when he basically had to carry you into the med bay, it was like he was hurting just as much. You two must have something special for him to look like that."

"Are you finished with this?"

"Wow, you are so embarrassed about this. You must really love him. You always did close off whenever something came up that you really cared about. The more you cared, the quieter you got. I'll let it go for now if you answer just one question about it."

Kaidan wanted to just stand up and walk away, but he didn't simply because it was Rahna and they were okay; they also weren't guaranteed to see each other again once she left the Normandy.

"Fine, one question and then we're done."

Rahna nodded, then paused as though she was carefully considering what she was going to ask him. He wasn't buying it though, and figured she knew exactly what she was going to ask him and was having a good laugh at his expense. That was one reason they had gotten along so well at brain camp: she could always challenge him intellectually.

"So are you waiting for him to pop the question or are you going to ask him?"

Ignoring how the motion pulled on the still healing area of his neck, Kaidan placed his crossed arms on top of the table and hid his face behind them as his face burned in embarrassment. He wished he was talking to one of the crew now: he wouldn't allow such an uncharacteristic action if he wasn't already off-balance about the conversation.

Of course she would ask him something like that: she knew him, knew how much finding a family of his own mattered to him. He had talked about finding someone to be able to share his life with even more than she had. He couldn't help it though; his parents had meant everything to him and he thought that if he could find anything close to what they had, then he could say he did something right by them.

And he was pretty sure he'd found that in Shepard.

"I'm not one to jump into something like that. We've got other things to worry about, like even being together when we're facing bullets every time we leave the ship."

"But you have thought about it, haven't you?" She sounded quite smug now.

"I apologize for interrupting, Major Alenko," EDI's voice sounded from the nearest speaker, causing Rahna to startle and look around for the source.

Kaidan couldn't keep from grinning as he straightened up and indicated toward the speaker. "It's alright, EDI. What is it?" He made a mental note to thank EDI for bailing him out of that one. She usually only jumped in if it was something important. Ergo, he could escape the conversation without it seeming like that's what he was doing.

"Commander Shepard has informed Admiral Hackett of your safe return from capture. He has requested to speak with you on vid comm."

"He knows I don't have a report yet, right?"

"He is aware of this, yes. I believe he is merely interested in learning of your experience while he is already in contact."

"Tell him I'll be right there. Let me just wrap things up here."

"Of course, Major. May I ask you something first?"

"Sure."

"What question between you and Commander Shepard is she referring to?"

The smug grin had returned to Rahna's face as Kaidan stood with a heavy sigh. Great, now he would have to curb EDI's questions as well. This wasn't going away anytime soon.

"Not now, EDI," he muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Very well, I will ask Joker."

As long as she didn't ask Shepard since she would word it exactly as Rahna had. "Yeah, you do that," he responded without really thinking about what he'd just said. When it clicked what he had encouraged her to do, he turned to the speaker quickly exclaiming, "Wait, EDI, don't ask Joker."

"I have already questioned him about it."

"And with that, my work is done here," Rahna gloated as she stood. She walked around the table to Kaidan and reached out to grasp his hand briefly. "Don't play it safe with this, Kaidan. You really care about him and he obviously cares about you very much. That's what really matters here, not what you guys have to deal with the rest of the time." She gave him a soothing smile as she stepped away. "Let's try and get together at least one more time before you guys take off, maybe bring your partner along. I would be honored to really meet the one who risked everything to keep you safe."

He just stared at her for a few moments before he shook his head and promised to try and work it out. After all, he had to make sure they weren't set to leave as soon as all the captured biotics were off the ship. Besides, he was sure Shepard wouldn't mind meeting her.

Whether Kaidan may end up minding that they met was another matter he would address later.

He went straight for the elevator then, heading for the comm room on the second deck. It felt good to walk through the CIC, listen in on Campbell and Westmoreland gossip about the latest developments of the war, go through the war room and see the progress of the Crucible. This was what mattered, not some crazy human's vendetta.

Not that he had forgotten that, but the situation as it had gone down had gotten to the Major on quite a few levels.

He entered the comm room to see Shepard already there talking with Hackett. Walking, up next to Shepard, he stood at attention to give the Admiral a quick salute. Hackett nodded to him and he relaxed his posture slightly.

"Alenko, it's good to see you back in one piece," Hackett began.

"Thank you, sir. It's good to be back. EDI said you wanted to speak to me."

"Shepard was able to give me some details of what happened, but there's more gaps than answers here. I know you haven't put together any report, but if you can just give me a little to start with, I'll take it now."

"The man in charge of all this was named Vincent Kami of the Kami Organization. I don't know anything about the organization itself and he didn't say anything except the name. He wanted to use biotics to start a war against humans and decided to start with students of the first human biotic training camp."

"Shepard said they were using some sort of brainwashing to gain compliance from the captured biotics."

"That's correct, but I didn't see exactly what they were doing on that end. When I asked one of the others, they said that they were being injected with something before being put through the brainwashing, but it either wasn't very potent or wasn't well tested against a human biotic metabolism. They were also administering doses of O-E in the food. Kami controlled everything and he was dealing with people that didn't really have any experience with something like this."

"O-E is rarely used."

"Only Cerberus has been reported to have used it before. I called him on an alliance with Cerberus and he admitted to using them for stealing the files on Earth. He claims that is the only involvement and I believe him on that front. He seemed nervous about having to ask for help from them."

"And what was your impression of Kami?"

Kaidan crossed his arms and shifted his weight over to one leg. "Unstable. He had a one track mind and didn't seem to care that there was a war for the survival of the galaxy going on. He didn't even care what repercussions there were to taking me. All he cared about was the war against non-biotics that he wanted to start." Getting Kaidan to join him had seemed pretty important to him as well, but that wasn't something Kaidan wanted to clarify when Shepard was right there. At least not until they were in a more private setting.

"Do you know where he may have gone?"

That caught Kaidan's full attention. "Sir?" he asked, confusion making him revert to official habits.

Shepard answered instead, "We only came across guards and biotics. And Joker reported a shuttle leaving the facility as we were leaving the compound. We think he escaped."

Kaidan vaguely remembered Garrus and Shepard mentioning something Joker had said just before they got to the shuttle. That must have been it.

"Which raises the question: will he come after you again?" Hackett pressed.

Probably, but…

"Even if he did, he's lost his advantage. We know who he is and I have the authority to cut him off from his resources and funds."

Hackett looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'll trust your judgment on this, Major. I'm not as convinced that this man should be dismissed, but you are also right in that he has lost every advantage he had in this."

"I'm not dismissing him, Admiral. But we have other things to worry about and if he is stupid enough to make another move against me, he'll get what he deserves."

Hackett nodded slightly. "I don't doubt that. I've seen enough of your reports to know what you're capable of, Alenko. I look forward to your report to fill in the last gaps, but I don't want to see it for at least 24 hours. Recover, Major, while you have the chance."

"Yes, sir," Kaidan responded with an automatic salute even as he fought giving Shepard a frustrated look. His lover had probably already sent Chakwas and Michel's reports along to Hackett.

"Off the record," Hackett added before the comm could be disconnected. "How you handled this is why Anderson wouldn't take anyone else for the position with the Spec Ops Biotic Division and why I offered you the position after Udina's coup. You aren't wasted on the Normandy by any means, but it's not the only place you would help us win this war. If Kami got what he wanted with you, a lot of people would suffer the loss. Hackett out."

Kaidan was thankful for the Admiral not looking for a response on that because he wasn't sure he would be able to form words after such praise. He lowered his gaze as he thought about Hackett's words, going over them again and again.

Shepard's warm arm came across his shoulders, avoiding making contact with his neck. Kaidan looked at his lover out of the corner of his eyes. "He does that every once in a while: gets all sentimental and blunt about what he thinks of you. Thankfully it doesn't happen very often. You should hear some of the things he's said about me."

Kaidan laughed, "I'm pretty sure I know what he would say."

Shepard looked off to the side, "Sorry about that. I didn't think he would ask for you to put in anything until after he got your report."

"It's alright, I don't mind. I was wrapping up what I was doing."

"Which was? I know it wasn't sleeping."

"Spying on me now?" Kaidan jested.

"Just asked EDI if you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you up to take the call from Hackett. She said you were talking with one of the other students."

"Yeah, about that…" Might as well get it out of the way, Kaidan decided as he checked the door quickly to make sure nobody was approaching. "Mind if we take this to your cabin? Your security protocols keeping EDI out of the conversation sounds like the way to have a private conversation."

Shepard raised an eyebrow but gave a nod and indicated for Kaidan to lead the way and the Major was glad for the chance to really get some time with Shepard and to relax after all that he'd been through.

* * *

A/N: Ah, the joys of writing dialogue to propel plot, which doesn't always take place between people you are comfortable writing for. This one was tough because of that and I just wanted to get back to writing Shepard and Kaidan because they are so easy to write.  
Thanks for reading and see you next time.


	12. Moments

**Story:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 12/18  
 **Chapter Summary:** Shepard and Kaidan wind down…  
 **A/N:** Sorry for the wait on this chapter. Time slipped away from me and I lost track of how long it had been since updating.

* * *

 **Chapter 12: Moments**

Giving his report to Admiral Hackett seemed to end up representing the bulk of Kaidan's regained strength. He wasn't too surprised, not with the blood loss, lack of food, and use of biotics he had put his body through.

He had followed Shepard back to the man's cabin, fully intent on at least putting a dent in the report to Hackett. Shepard had just shaken his head at him as Kaidan grabbed one of his datapads that had been accumulating on the desk from all the time he worked in the cabin with Shepard. His lover hadn't said anything though, merely turned on his own terminal and started going through his messages as Kaidan removed his boots, curled into the far corner of the couch, and got to work.

He hated having unfinished business and wouldn't let this go if he didn't have to.

He hadn't even lasted ten minutes before his head started to throb, the glow of the holo screen, even dimmed as it was, started causing him to squint a little to cut out some of the light. Used to this, he kept working. His tenacity didn't need to hold out for long though as Shepard walked over to him suddenly and took the datapad from Kaidan's hands. The biotic looked up to his lover, intent on reclaiming the object, but stopped when he took in the man's expression.

"Don't work through it if you don't have to," he said, his voice gentle and caring.

Kaidan's first instinct was to dismiss Shepard's suggestion, used to taking care of himself as he was. But the way Shepard had suggested instead of ordered stopped him. Shepard knew Kaidan, understood how he didn't let a little pain keep him from getting things done, and he respected that about the biotic.

Shepard was in a difficult position in being with Kaidan: he hated seeing the one he cared about in pain and Kaidan's was chronic and once it flared up, could only be endured.

It was the main reason why Kaidan had made sure to keep his distance from Shepard whenever a serious migraine would hit him.

So with that in mind, Kaidan let his body relax in acceptance that he wouldn't be getting any work done for a while. Shepard set the datapad on the small table before reaching out and taking Kaidan's hand. Kaidan allowed Shepard to help pull him to his feet and the pair walked over to the bed. Shepard pulled down the covers as Kaidan stripped out of his hoodie and pants, then sat down on the edge of the bed. Shepard stripped down as well before joining him and settling into a comfortable position on his back. Kaidan followed him down on his left side to face his lover, pulling the sheets up to their hips as he positioned himself, resting his head on Shepard's shoulder. He lay his right arm across Shepard's waist, tucking his other arm along Shepard's body. Shepard wrapped one arm around Kaidan's shoulders, reaching up with his hand to run his fingers through thick hair as the other hand settled over the arm resting across him.

The two remained still for a long time, both just taking in the comfort of holding each other again. Despite certainly needing sleep, Kaidan couldn't relax his mind enough to actually fall asleep. It was alright though. His headache wasn't getting any worse and Shepard's gentle touch was the next best thing to keeping him relaxed enough to keep a migraine from taking hold.

After a long time, Shepard's fiddling with his hair shifted to the chain around his neck, then to the tags secured underneath his shirt, pulling them free to turn them over in his hands. By the way he was fidgeting with them, something was obviously on his mind and Kaidan waited for him to actually put his thoughts into words.

When Shepard remained quiet for longer than usual, Kaidan broke the silence in a quiet tone, "What is it?"

Shepard's hold tightened slightly and Kaidan couldn't keep from smiling at the sign of a startle. His lover was usually better at determining if he was asleep or not. Maybe he'd just been distracted.

"Thought you were asleep," Shepard confirmed Kaidan's thought.

"Holding steady at really relaxed."

"Yeah, me too," Shepard responded, turning his head to rest his lips against Kaidan's forehead.

"So what's on your mind? You've been messing around with my tags for a while now."

Shepard paused in answering. "I didn't want to talk about it until I saw your report."

"Right, I'm going to have to include that I have one of yours in my report." Kaidan mused absently. Nothing like throwing it in the Alliance's face that there was something between them beyond simple crewmates.

"Not where I was going with that, but you've got a point." Kaidan huffed out a laugh and curled in closer to Shepard's warmth. "Hackett will probably redact the content if he thinks it's going to be an issue. End of everything as we know it tends to make people not care so much about the little things. We know the Council won't care." He took in a deep breath, obviously redirecting his focus. "How'd you know about the tracker?"

Kaidan continued to smile at the question, recalling that Shepard hadn't actually told him about the device. "Static discharge from my biotics."

"And altering the signal? I didn't know that could be done with them."

"Biotics affect the signal, boosting it before dispersing the extra charge. Figured that one out from the scans I did of it after I found it."

Shepard's chest moved with a soft laugh. "Leave it to you to find a new way to use old tech. Joker's pretty impressed with the whole Morse Code thing by the way."

"I expect he'll be using that on the next story he spins to get out of buying drinks."

"I hope not. His stories are bad enough without stealing ideas from the rest of us."

"Thanks for not letting me down and remembering it from basic." The pair fell silent again, Shepard continuing to fiddle with the tags and Kaidan could feel some tension in his lover's body that hadn't been there before. Kaidan took a guess at what Shepard was getting wound up about: he'd been the one to bring up the consequences of Shepard failing to understand his message, any of them. "I know what I did was risky, and I'm sorry that I worried you like I know you were."

Shepard stayed quiet for a few moments before asking, "Were you planning on doing that all along?"

"Getting captured, no. But when I had the chance to close the investigation, I couldn't just let it pass because it was dangerous." He lifted his head enough to look up to Shepard's face, the man's gaze intent upon him. "I had the chance to do something about it, to stop Kami and I took it. You understand." As many decisions as Shepard had made for the sake of others, he was certain to understand. He just had to see past the personal aspect of the situation.

"Yeah, I understand. I'm just not used to…" he trailed off, apparently not sure of what it was exactly he wanted to say. Kaidan turned into Shepard a little more, bringing his left arm up to rest on the bed beside Shepard's arm. Shepard had let his own arm move from around Kaidan and rested on the pillow above his head.

"What, John?" Kaidan pressed. He felt like it was important for his lover to put this into words.

"I've never been so afraid of the consequences of failing. You weren't exactly clear in your message to Joker," he sounded pretty upset about that.

Kaidan shifted again, moving his right hand up to Shepard's chest and then resting his chin on top of it. "I couldn't risk the message being intercepted and them figuring out how you could track me. I knew you'd figure it out and you did. Whatever it took for you to do so doesn't matter."

Shepard reached out with both hands and cupped Kaidan's face between them. "I know you're trying to move past this and helping me to as well, but right now I just need you to listen to me."

"I'm listening, John," Kaidan soothed. Shepard was really off-balance about the situation.

"We've lost a lot in this war. Planets, colonies, allies, friends. I do what I can to let the loss push me forward, to give me just that little bit more to fight for. When we got back together, I meant what I said about having you to turn to, to live for. And each day I can have you beside me that becomes more real for me." Shepard hesitated and he leaned forward to touch his forehead to Kaidan's, his vibrant blue eyes closing. "Kaidan, I can't lose you. You, more than anything else, gives me what I need to keep pushing back against the Reapers. To keep going in this damn war that just doesn't stop throwing shit at us."

Kaidan's breath hitched at Shepard's admission, at how he said it. There was so much he wanted to say in return, but was just overwhelmed by emotion. He instead shifted the angle of his head and captured John's lips in a tender kiss, which Shepard responded to immediately, somewhat desperately, in fact.

Shepard's right hand went around the back of Kaidan's head, holding the biotic against him as it normally would. Kaidan was about to return some sort of embrace when he was suddenly rolled over beneath his lover's firm body. Once Shepard settled his weight against him, Kaidan wrapped his arms around his lover's back, pulling him in tight, no matter how his stiff muscles protested the action.

Since the first time they had slept together, John had always been a passionate lover. He would push Kaidan to the brink quickly, then hold him there for as long as he could. And Kaidan, while certainly not a passive lover by a long shot, was usually simply swept away by just how much Shepard evoked in him. He lost control more ofthen that not when it came to being with Shepard.

This wasn't any different. In fact, he could swear he was losing it faster than normal, though with the high emotions of the past day or so it wasn't too much of a surprise.

One of Shepard's hands left its place at his face and caressed down Kaidan's chest, applying pressure around places he knew to be more sensitive as he moved completely atop Kaidan to slide between parted legs. Kaidan let out a moan as Shepard's body pressed into his arousal and his grip around Shepard tightened as he felt Shepard's own hardening flesh push against him. Shepard didn't let up on the pressure, rolling his hips into Kaidan to chase the sensation.

As Kaidan's own pleasure increased, he lost track of the kiss, leaning his head back against the pillow and letting Shepard access his neck, lips and teeth laving on the attention and Kaidan was pushed further into his arousal.

"John, I'm not…" He was interrupted by a pleased moan as Shepard rolled his hips firmly against him, making slight contact through his underwear against his perineum. He felt Shepard's lips lift and knew the man had done that on purpose, wanting to hear him get breathless. He would often retaliate in some manner, usually with some quick biotics in just the right places to get the same result from his lover, but this time he let it go to get out the words as intended.

"I'm not gonna last. Please, John…" he breathed, his body shaking from the effort he needed to keep himself coherent enough to even talk sensibly.

Shepard must have heard something in his voice because he backed off a bit, reaching out to the bedside table and locating the lubricant they kept there. He didn't stay away though, settling right back in against Kaidan's entire body and Kaidan moaned again at Shepard's weight pressing him into the bed once more.

"Keep that up and this isn't going any further," he murmured, hoping repetition would tell Shepard he was serious and needed to back off a bit if he was looking for it to last long enough to even get inside of Kaidan.

"Stop holding yourself back, Kaidan. I want you to let go and just be with me."

Kaidan needed more functioning brain cells to really work that one out enough so he would remember it afterwards, but for now he just held on as Shepard began working his underwear off his hips, adding in caresses over sensitive flesh as he went. Shepard's other hand worked Kaidan's shirt up, bunching the material up under the biotic's arms so he could start giving attention to the skin of his chest, effectively distracting Kaidan from the first intrusion of a finger into his opening.

Which also brought the first wave of biotics rippling over Kaidan's skin as he breathed out a pleased moan.

"That's it, Kaid," John murmured against his skin, twisting his wrist around to press right against his lover's prostate to get another flare of biotics and a harsh gasp along with them.

Kaidan reached down between them and grabbed onto Shepard's wrist, stilling the thrusting motions, which only partially worked as his lover just focused more on sliding a second finger inside of him. When a third quickly followed, Kaidan knew Shepard was working to stay ahead of his own peak.

Shepard pulled away from him enough to yank Kaidan's underwear completely from him as well as discard his own, then he was urging Kaidan's legs around his waist and was steadily pressing into Kaidan's body. Kaidan kept his breathing even and controlled, making sure he remained relaxed, that his body didn't try to fight the breach. There was a hint of pain and he gripped the sheet beneath him in his hands to allow the tension to go somewhere and he held on until Shepard bottomed out, his hips flush against Kaidan. As Shepard paused for a few moments to allow the biotic to adjust, he moved his hands to take hold of Kaidan's, pulling his grip free from the sheet and intertwining their fingers together. He brought their hands to rest next to Kaidan's head, then leaned forward so he could kiss his lover deeply. As the passionate kiss continued, Shepard began rolling his hips into Kaidan in quick thrusts, using his position to trap Kaidan's erection between them, sliding it against his taut stomach to spread the bead of moisture forming at the tip to tease him further.

Kaidan broke the kiss to gasp in a breath at the pleasure, touching his forehead to Shepard's. His lover's motions gradually increased again, keeping Kaidan right on that brink, as if to prove how well he knew Kaidan's body, how well he knew how to be with Kaidan. Shepard continued to build up speed and force, snapping his hips against Kaidan to penetrate him deeply.

And Kaidan loved the show of strength, loved feeling like he could rely on his lover to take care of him. Because as much as he embodied the mindset as well as the talents of a Sentinel, he couldn't always be the one doing the protecting. He needed someone to watch out for him too, and Shepard was the only one he had – and probably only would – ever trusted with protecting him.

That, as much as the press of hard flesh inside his body and the pressure against his own erection, pushed him over the edge and Kaidan came with a breathy cry of "John!" as his body tightened around his lover and a ripple of biotics flowed over both of their bodies as Kaidan lost himself to his orgasm. Shepard let out a content moan as well as his hips continued to move, chasing his own completion quickly. It only took another dozen or so thrusts before Shepard's grip on Kaidan tightened and the rhythm of his hips faltered and Kaidan felt the man release into him, bringing another breathy moan from the biotic at the sensation.

Shepard usually outlasted Kaidan during sex, the biotic simply not as experienced as Shepard was. Kaidan's life after BAaT and the distrust and insecurity with others that had been ingrained into him had meant he didn't seek release in that manner often. Sure, he'd gone into this relationship with Shepard having slept with both men and women before – though the total didn't even come close to double digits - but there hadn't been the fierce emotions that fueled everything he did with Shepard.

"Kaid?" John's voice, deep and caring and soft in a manner that he only took with Kaidan, called his attention back to his surroundings. His amber eyes opened lazily, his spent body ready to get some sleep, and his gaze locked with Shepard's. His lover looked slightly concerned, which wasn't usually an expression he wore after sex.

"Yeah?" Kaidan murmured back.

Shepard let go of his right hand and traced his fingers along Kaidan's cheek, bringing the biotic's attention to the moisture there. It wasn't sweat.

"What were you thinking about?" Shepard asked, keeping his weight off Kaidan. He wanted to take in all of his lover's face to better read his expression.

"Just you," Kaidan responded, not even trying to make his words less slurred. He didn't need to pay attention to how he talked with Shepard, knew that his lover even found it quite alluring when his voice was so relaxed. "You're it for me. So don't let me go." Shepard must have heard what he wanted because he released Kaidan's other hand and wrapped both arms around the smaller man in a fierce embrace, pressing his face into Kaidan's neck as though he were trying to meld his body with Kaidan other than how his softening erection was still inside his lover.

"Not gonna happen."

They were the spearhead of the war against the Reapers. They had every species looking at them, judging them, following them. Trusting in them. And now there was some insane guy out there wanting to force biotics to revolt against humans and drag Kaidan with him.

But all that paled in comparison to what they were to each other.

Shepard was the reason Kaidan found people to really trust in. He was what Kaidan needed to make sure he stayed human when there were still people out there who only saw his powers and called him something else.

And apparently Kaidan was what Shepard needed to keep coming back. All the talent he had on the battlefield and he still needed something to push him hard enough to make sure he survived. And Kaidan was that something.

Kaidan couldn't have gotten a better deal out of his life than Commander John Shepard's love. He only hoped Shepard thought even the slightest bit the same about having his love.

Which strangely reminded Kaidan of what Rahna had brought up. He lifted his arms, the limbs still heavy and slow to respond, and wrapped them under Shepard's arms, holding on to muscled shoulders.

They'd been way too serious for long enough. It was time to get back to being themselves. "If EDI or Joker ask you about one of us popping the question, it's all Rahna's fault. She asked and I didn't stop EDI in time before she asked Joker what it meant."

Shepard lifted his head and looked down at Kaidan with an incredulous look, apparently needing another moment to catch up with the shift in mood.

When he did, his voice was a strange blend of emotion. "Rahna asked you if we were getting married?"

"I think she was just messing with me, getting me all worked up because some things never change…" he trailed off in a dark tone, fighting off giving Shepard a dirty look along that subject. "But she asked if it was going to happen and who would do the asking."

Shepard let out a brief chuckle as he unwound himself from around Kaidan and leaned over the edge of his side of the bed, returning with his discarded shirt. He used it to gently wipe Kaidan's stomach and between his legs. Apparently he wasn't willing to go too far from the bed at the moment, since he was willing to give up a shirt for the sake of cleaning up. "Can't imagine why you aren't too excited about me meeting her. Sounds like I'd get along with her just fine."

"I love it when you answer your own questions." Shepard gave him a grin as he settled back in next to the biotic, pulling him back into position across his chest.

"So what did you say?" Shepard asked after a brief silence.

"About what?"

"Who do you think should be the one to ask?" Shepard's confidence just made Kaidan flush and he buried his face further against Shepard's chest to try and quell the reaction. "I'm not sure why you're getting all flustered about this. It's just a question about a question. And I don't have any doubts about the answer, so that's a load off. I just want to make sure we get it right."

"You're an asshole," Kaidan accused, though there wasn't much heat to the statement.

Shepard pressed a firm kiss to the top of Kaidan's head for that and the pair fell into a comfortable silence.

Kaidan thought back over what Shepard had said and found himself fighting a contented smile at his lover's declaration. To know that Shepard held such confidence that he wouldn't hesitate to commit to Kaidan brought such a rush of emotion that Kaidan had never known before.

And to be confident of what his own answer would be if Shepard asked him brought a sense of calm.

But the biotic's opinion was firm: the middle of a war wasn't the time for them to do something like that, something so personal and…selfish.

And Kaidan also couldn't quell the insecurity that Shepard would find someone else he wanted more.

Kaidan was finally managing to doze off, as Shepard had taken up combing his fingers absently through his hair again. His breathing gradually evened out and his body released all tension as it approached the sleep he needed.

He wasn't sure if he really heard Shepard speak one last time before he fell asleep. "Don't worry Kaidan. I'll take care of it. Just need to find how to do it without it looking like it's because the galaxy might end."

And regardless of the lives that the pair led, where every day may bring about the mission that got them killed, they were safe with one another.

Together was where they belonged.

* * *

 **A/N:** This was originally the final chapter when I first wrote the story. Then I got a comment from the person who eventually became my beta for the story and she kicked off further plot bunnies, resulting in an additional six chapters. Don't get me wrong: I absolutely love what was added and some of my favorite exchanges occur in the last few chapters. But if this there's a final feel to this chapter, that's why.  
Happy holidays, and see you next time!  
Kira Dattei


	13. Hindsight

**Story Title:** A Touch of the Past  
 **Chapter:** 13/17  
 **Chapter Summary:** It's always 20/20…  
 **A/N:** Hope you enjoy.

* * *

 **Chapter 13: Hindsight**

A full night of rest seemed to be just what Kaidan needed to get his bearings again. Not that this was necessarily a surprise to him, used to positions and responsibilities that could call on him at any moment as he was. A few hours of solid sleep would get him through any length shift with a low likelihood of getting anything worse than an irritating headache. The ten hours he'd managed to get after finally settling down with Shepard had been downright revitalizing, nearly to the point of not being able to actually remain still once awake.

Kaidan had awoken at a leisurely pace, gradually becoming aware of his surroundings instead of the usual hasty manner he normally did. He wasn't too concerned about it, as that was greatly influenced by Shepard's warmth at his side. How he woke up had always been different when he was with Shepard: more relaxed and not as guarded. He simply trusted the man on too deep of a level for it to be any other way.

At some point through the night, Kaidan had rolled over onto his other side and away from his lover. It wasn't unusual, what with the biotic's body naturally generating enough heat that they would separate for the sake of cooling off. Kaidan was a little surprised, though, that either of them had moved at all last night; between the level of fatigue, both men recovering from an extremely stressful couple of days, and the extreme relief at being together again, their sleep would have been deeper than normal.

Moving past the thought – it didn't matter, since he'd still been able to be with Shepard – he took an inventory of his physical state. The medi-gel had done its job well so far, healing up most of his cuts and bruises except for the deeper damage around his right shoulder and neck. Those would take a few days to completely clear up and Kaidan figured he'd only continue using medi-gel on his neck; his shoulder didn't need any more help to get back to full working order and he wasn't apt on wasting supplies. He didn't need more requisition forms to go through and didn't want to give more work to Cortez.

There was a twinge of soreness in his ass that hadn't been there before and brought a satisfied sigh from him. Shepard had rushed things a little last night, after all. But Kaidan had had far worse in bodily discomfort before and had wanted it just as much as his lover had.

He decided quickly that while he wasn't necessarily ready to get out of bed - enjoying just being able to relax next to Shepard for a while - he also realized that he wouldn't be able to remain still as he was. He didn't really do idle, period. So he eased himself up, straightened out the thin shirt, and quickly located his underwear at the foot of the bed. He went to the bathroom and relieved himself before using a wet towel to clean himself up a little more thoroughly from last night. When he left the bathroom moderately more comfortable, he detoured enough on his way back to the bed to grab his datapad from off the small table where Shepard had placed it and then moved smoothly back into place next to his lover. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to the side of Shepard's mouth for no other reason than he wanted to, then settled onto his side with the length of his back pressed against the warmth of his lover's body, letting his head relax on John's extended arm.

Once positioned comfortably he set to the task of working through the reports he'd be sending to the Council and Hackett. What had happened at the colony was easy enough to get through, the content not really any different than what he normally had to write up on such missions. Once he had his omnitool back, he could attach the message he sent Joker for a time stamp.

Though that thought did make him realize something that did sort of bother him: that message and the time he'd been returned to the Normandy were the only times he knew for sure. Everything else had been his best guess. Granted, he had a very good internal clock – most soldiers serving off-planet did – and knew he'd stayed on top of it well based on when he got back to the ship. But he realized in hindsight that he'd been affected by this fear that he'd estimated wrong, that he would have been wrong in his estimation of when Shepard would be showing up.

He'd played it safe. Fighting back against the guards when they came for him, not allowing himself to witness the brainwashing they were attempting, cutting his time short, then moving to escape right away. That had all been him playing it safe and letting doubt cloud his assessment.

He let the datapad rest against the mattress next to him.

It had been a long time since he'd allowed the doubts that regularly churned through his mind to actually take form through his actions like this. Probably the last time had been Horizon when his dubiousness of Shepard had made him walk away from him when he really just wanted to be at his side again.

He could have hidden his amp, made sure the lead was pressed back into place within the gash when removed from the cell. The ones who had taken him had apparently just looked for signs of an exposed port and in not seeing one had deemed him not connected to one. After all, not many human biotics who needed routine maintenance because of regular use would have made the choice he did with the subdermal amp, worrying about needing to be cut open every few months. Not when it meant possibly getting cut open, however superficially, every few months at least.

Kaidan had needed there to be less risk to the amp itself, though. He dealt with enough risk from the implant, which he couldn't really do anything about as long as he refused to get rid of the L2. But he had access to things most human biotics didn't because of his Alliance rank and Spectre status: top quality amps from all over the galaxy and doctors that had significantly more experience with biotics than any human. That experience meant no incision needed for every single check, only if there was something seriously wrong.

So, he hadn't been worried about any of the risks usually associated with subdermal installation.

Either way, he could have done more to make sure there had been no loose ends, like Vincent Kami still being alive. Now he would always have to keep an eye over his shoulder, looking for him coming to continue his work or for revenge. Kaidan couldn't just accept that Kami was gone; he'd already been proven wrong in the man's willingness to go through with something bearing severe risk.

If anybody else got hurt by Kami, it would be on Kaidan's shoulders. He would be to blame for his mistake. How was he supposed to bear something like that? His failure at Horizon, losing all those colonists to the Collectors, had been difficult enough to move past.

He took in a deep breath and brought his hand to his face, rubbing his fingers along his brows in an attempt to soothe his rising frustration.

Shepard shifted beside him, his body turning onto his side to press against Kaidan's back, his arm coming around his waist as the arm beneath Kaidan's head curled across Kaidan's chest, pulling the slightly smaller man against Shepard's firm body. The man huffed out a deep breath against Kaidan's neck as he nuzzled against the back of his head. The biotic winced slightly at the brief pressure on sensitive skin but made sure he remained still, even relaxing a little more to try and ensure Shepard stayed asleep. He'd slept through Kaidan getting up and working, so he obviously needed some rest.

Shepard settled soon enough, though his hold remained firm. Not that Kaidan minded. He'd been going down a pretty dark line of thinking and Shepard's presence helped keep him from letting himself go too far. He wasn't dismissing the threat, merely keeping from becoming so entrenched that he couldn't approach it correctly.

Anyway, what was done concerning Kami wasn't what he needed to focus on right now. It had nothing to do with the report he was currently working on. Lifting his datapad again and shifting his arms slightly to accommodate Shepard's embrace, he returned to his work, somewhat struggling in getting through making sure everything was accurate. His time unconscious after returning to the Normandy had muddled things a little and he had to stop and really consider the order of events. An hour later he turned off the display of his datapad, finished with the content of the report. He would go over it again once he was really awake and add in any final details, but for the most part it was ready to be sent on.

Setting the datapad down on the bed, he rested his arm over Shepard's around his waist and let out a deep breath, his body relaxing again. He could tell he wasn't quite completely back to normal as the edges of his eyes stung a little even after such a short time looking at a screen. It was probably due more to having not eaten in a while, the last thing being some food he and Shepard had grabbed before heading to the cabin. His stomach was going to start complaining any time now and then he'd have to get moving.

Shepard moved behind him, just a slight shift of position with his face still pressed against the back of Kaidan's head. "Finished?" the man's sleep-roughened voice broke the silence. Kaidan stiffened in surprise that Shepard was awake. He hadn't noticed Shepard's breathing change. Oh well. If Shepard was awake he didn't need any more sleep.

"Mostly, just need my omnitool back for some final touches," he murmured in response. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long. Was ready to wake up. Though I was hoping I would beat you."

Kaidan smiled at Shepard's obvious disappointment. The biotic knew how much Shepard enjoyed letting him sleep, liked that he was the only one that could get out of bed and move around the cabin as opposed to when the Major slept in the crews' quarters. Kaidan would wake up every time someone moved in close proximity to him, which had been part of the reason for them to really figure out a place to put him that was somewhat separated from them.

Kaidan suspected it also had something to do with Shepard being able to just _be_ with someone as their lover and not have to be Commander Shepard. And Kaidan returning to bed as he had this morning was unusual, as he was one to get up and go.

"Got more sleep than I'm used to," Kaidan pointed out. "Been up for about two hours."

"And you're still in bed? How did I get so lucky?" Shepard's voice was amused and Kaidan felt lips brush against the back of his neck. He reluctantly had to pull forward away from the contact against the healing area. He felt Shepard tense, the man obviously remembering suddenly that he couldn't pay attention to a part of Kaidan that he liked to lavish with attention, at least for another day or so. "I'm sorry Kaidan. Are you okay?" he asked, concern evident.

"I'm fine, Shepard. The skin is healed and it's just sensitive. Everything is healing."

"Still sorry. I don't like hurting you."

"Good thing you didn't then," Kaidan quipped, more to get Shepard out of his blaming process than anything else. "So, you haven't told me where we're going next." He wasn't willing to let them be detoured from their mission any longer than they already had been.

Shepard sighed behind him as he rolled back a little, pulling Kaidan with him. They were still mostly on their sides but now Kaidan's weight was really pressed up against his lover's. They were apparently not getting out of bed in any manner resembling haste unless they had to. Kaidan could get behind that.

"Actually, Aria sent me a message about a week ago, asking me to meet up with her here at the Citadel as soon as I could."

That caught Kaidan's attention. He wished he could actually look at Shepard to gauge him, but that wasn't happening. "What could Aria want? She's already given us the support of the gangs of Omega."

"Might be _about_ Omega. You know she doesn't like to lose and she lost Omega to Cerberus."

"Maybe."

Kaidan had only seen Aria T'Loak from a distance, mostly in the past few months as he spent a lot of time at the Citadel and she continued to remain at Purgatory. He was a little too straight-laced to be of any appeal to her, though she did seem to acknowledge him on some level. Probably only because he had a history and worked with Shepard.

"I figured I'd go see her tomorrow, after I make sure everything with the captured biotics is settled before shifting focus."

"Actually, I'd like to get them taken care of," Kaidan said somewhat tentatively. He wasn't worried about Shepard denying him this, but for some reason he felt like he was still giving in to his history by feeling personal responsibility over those that had been captured. But feeling that way and being able to ignore the urge to see this all through to the end were two different things and he didn't feel like letting this opportunity pass. He had the chance to make things right between some of these people and the Alliance and that was important to him.

Unfortunately Shepard proved how well he knew Kaidan by calling him on it: "You don't owe them anything, Kaid." Shepard wasn't usually one for pet names – he actually just liked Kaidan's name too much – so when he pulled out that way of referring to his lover, he wanted him to listen.

"I know, but I want to see this through." Kaidan moved within Shepard's embrace, pulling away enough so that he could throw his leg across Shepard's hips to straddle him. Once Shepard realized he didn't intend to leave the bed, he loosened his hold, settling both hands on Kaidan's hips, fingers slipping beneath his shirt to brush against skin. Kaidan settled his weight down on Shepard's body, leaning his elbows on either side of Shepard's head, bringing him in full contact with John's body. He gave Shepard a brief kiss, not able to keep from doing so being so close. "John, I may not really owe them anything, but it feels wrong to not even give them my time of day. Even after I figured out Kami was targeting the students, I didn't give them more than passing acknowledgment. They deserve more than that for what they've gone through, fifteen years ago as well as over the past few months."

"I'm not going to stop you from doing this, just as long as it doesn't get in the way of what you are doing here."

"Making sure they end up safe _is_ what we do here. We help people and then ensure they stay as safe as we can considering the state of the galaxy."

"Dammit Kaidan, stop making a good argument. I don't want you involved with this any longer," While he'd started with something that would have been said in amusement, it didn't come through and Shepard was completely serious. He was getting frustrated about losing out to Kaidan's point on this.

Kaidan pressed another kiss to his lover's lips, though they remained stiff and unresponsive; Shepard knew he was trying to placate him. He also figured this was about more than Kaidan taking care of a few freed captives and took a guess as to what was really the issue. "I'm worried that Kami got away, too, but me staying involved with the other biotics isn't going to change whatever he decides to do."

The grip on his waist tightened and Kaidan figured he guessed right. Shepard's eyes looked away momentarily before returning to lock their gaze. "I love you, Kaidan. I don't want to ever see you in the state you were in when I stepped into that hall, your blood all over you and barely able to stand on your own."

"I've had worse. Recently." Mars had been way more dangerous to Kaidan than anything Kami had done or intended to do. At least in Kaidan's opinion.

"Not the point. When are you going to get that this isn't about you being able to fight when the person is targeting you because of who you are? You haven't really dealt with that before and it is far more dangerous than any fight we may get involved with. See, as much as I hated that you went through what you did, I know it could easily have been much worse. You lucked out that Kami apparently wanted you in one piece to be of use to him. And that might not be the case anymore with shutting him down like we did."

Shepard had been targeted by a lot of different people for a lot of different reasons. He was definitely the voice of experience on this. And yet, Kaidan couldn't accept walking away without doing more. Shepard should understand that about him by now.

"I hear you, Shepard, I really do. But that's not enough to keep me from doing what I think is right by these people, not when I've got the power to help."

Shepard's eyes closed tightly as he pressed his forehead against Kaidan's; his hands moved to wrap around Kaidan's waist in a nearly painful embrace. "Why couldn't you just not care?"

"Because if I was a heartless asshole, you wouldn't love me." Shepard's arms tightened ever so slightly, probably at the thought of there being anything making it so they weren't here like this, together with such emotions for one another. But Kaidan was right, Shepard loved him for who he was. If he wanted something different in a partner, he would have never gotten together with Kaidan on the SR-1 or would have found someone else in the time they'd been parted. He wouldn't have waited for them to work out everything that had come between them since he'd been brought back by Cerberus.

Still, Shepard responded with a murmured, "True."

"But that's not the case. I am who I am and I love you, too."

Shepard softened a little at that, his lips lifting slightly in a soft smile. His hands moved up Kaidan's back, caressing the skin as his touch followed the line of muscle up to Kaidan's shoulders, using the grip to hold the biotic even closer against him. Not that there had been much distance between them to begin with. He lifted his head and kissed Kaidan firmly, working his tongue into the biotic's mouth almost immediately. Kaidan let out a short moan as he curled one arm under Shepard's head and the other rubbed over the man's buzzed scalp. Shepard breathed one in return as he continued to taste his lover.

Kaidan answered the growing desire in him and rolled his hips down into Shepard, the man returning the motion at once and proof of Shepard's matching lust was evident. The biotic broke the kiss with a deep gasp, a wave of pleasure flooding through him as pressure was created against both his hardening erection and near his opening. He didn't stay away from Shepard though, moving his lips to his lover's neck and he began kissing and nipping at the exposed skin, the man beneath him moaning his appreciation.

Just as Shepard's hands started to move back down Kaidan's back, the pair were interrupted by the second most common thing to break them from any task: Kaidan's stomach. It let out a loud grumble, reminding Kaidan that he had gone a long time without eating and he needed to consider that before engaging in more strenuous activities.

Kaidan dropped his head against Shepard's shoulder with a sigh while Shepard let out a laugh, as he normally did when Kaidan's metabolism was the reason they would stop messing around. It didn't help that Shepard wouldn't just ignore it and reach release before parting to see Kaidan's stomach satisfied. Worse was that the biotic couldn't say if it was the man just taking care of him or if he just knew it was a great way to throw Kaidan off for a few hours as he had to work while keeping his mind off being left wanting his lover.

Probably both, considering how much of an ass Shepard could be about messing with him.

Shepard kissed Kaidan's temple and then rolled over so the biotic was beneath him. "Come on, let's silence that monster before Vega hears it in the Shuttle Bay and never lets you live it down."

Shepard slid out from between Kaidan's legs and started going through the motions of dressing, the biotic following at a slower pace.

As he straightened from pulling on his pants, Shepard stepped up beside him and placed his arm around Kaidan's shoulders. "No need to sulk about it. We've got all day."

Kaidan gave his partner a disbelieving look. "You mean we have until someone decides there's something they absolutely need Commander Shepard to take care of," he corrected.

Shepard scoffed and pulled away, running his fingers through Kaidan's thick hair, then walked over to his work area. "They can wait until tomorrow. Maybe if the Reapers attacked the Citadel I would deem that important enough, but that's it."

Kaidan shrugged into his hoodie and zipped it up on his way over to couch where he'd left his boots. "I'd wager money someone will find something to get your help with through the day that you won't be able to ignore."

There was a few seconds silence from Shepard and Kaidan wondered if his partner was going to take him up on that bet. Then Shepard spoke in a somewhat sheepish tone, "Pass, my odds aren't good enough to win that one." The man walked back around the divider full of models and descended the few steps toward Kaidan. "Here, your omnitool," he declared as he held the tech out to Kaidan, who took it with a pleased smile.

"Thanks Shepard," he said as he slid it into place on his wrist, activating it and disabling the extra security protocols so he could check to make sure nothing had been damaged. Quickly satisfied that everything was alright with it, he stood and grabbed the datapad he'd been working on from the bed before following Shepard out the door and to the elevator.

It wasn't until they were heading down to the third deck that Shepard noticed the datapad – he'd already been heading toward the door and hadn't noticed Kaidan detour back to the bed - and he crossed his arms over his chest. "You get on me about working when we're allowed to take it easy and you bring work with you."

"I'm bringing it so you can read it while I eat. You can find out what happened and check my work before I forward it to the Council and Hackett. Two birds, one stone kind of thing…three if you include me getting food instead of having to narrate it all."

Shepard looked like he was going to offer some sort of argument but remained silent. As the elevator door opened, he held his hand out and Kaidan passed over the datapad with a grin. He knew Shepard was anxious for the details of what had happened to Kaidan from probably before he'd been thrown out that window. They grabbed some food and took a seat at the nearby table next to each other to start on their respective tasks. Kaidan ended up returning for more twice, his body finally seeming to catch up with the last few day's lack of food.

He had finished a few minutes later and set about going through some of the messages he'd received while out of commission on his omnitool, waiting for Shepard to finish reading. The commander set down the datapad, brow furrowed as he reached over to take his hand. Kaidan turned off the display of his omnitool, intertwining their fingers together.

"You're a badass, you know that?" Shepard said, his tone a strange blend of amused and awed. Kaidan found the thought that Shepard was surprised by how he had handled the situation somewhat ironic, considering how often the Commander left them all stunned by things he did while on missions that actually worked.

"Any particular reason for that assessment?" Kaidan asked with a grin.

"Are you serious? If you'd turned in a report like this when we first met you would have been promoted."

"I wasn't that close to a promotion. Probably would have only gotten another commendation if they thought it was necessary to do anything."

"Yes, a commendation to go with the twenty or so you already had. But come on, figuring out a way to use your biotics to stop your fall on the way down, using knowledge no one had a way of knowing you had, getting intel on Kami and his connection to Cerberus while captured, reconnecting a severed amp, sending a message through fucking Morse Code, _and_ getting free before the rescue party got to you. There's not really anything else you could have done to make that go better."

Kaidan shrugged slightly, "I could have done more. I shouldn't have shortened my time."

Shepard rolled his eyes at that and grumbled out, "Always looking for a way to undermine your own work. Just take my word on this over your own: this could have gone a lot worse in so many ways, but it didn't. A big part of the reason why it didn't was because it was you calling the shots. Hackett knew you would know what needed to be done; even called that you would cut your deadline short. There's a reason I made you the second-in-command of the Normandy and reports like this…" He held up the datapad for emphasis, "…is why I rely on you."

Kaidan knew his cheeks had flushed some from the compliments and straightforward manner in which they were delivered. "I'm just doing my job, Shepard, just like you."

Shepard gave the biotic a smug grin. "Well, then I must know what I'm talking about. I'm serious though, Kaidan. You did good work and be ready to hear the same from Hackett."

Shepard did have a point, but that wasn't enough to really convince Kaidan that he hadn't done everything he could've on this one. He still had no doubt that he'd played it safe and could only hope that it wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass later.

* * *

 **A/N:** Hope you enjoyed. I hope to hear from you. Thanks and see you next time.


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